Shortage of public restrooms - almost busted a bladder

[Schumi]

A few summers ago I was in Detroit working with a race team campaigning a formula car for a week. Race on Saturday ended in an engine failure (dry sump pump decided to stop pumping at 14,000 rpms). Well to say the least we all were disappointed and decided to take a trip to Canada and do some heaving imbibing of alcohol. Starting at 5PM and continuing until around 2AM I blew a lot of coin at over a dozen different bars and clubs. Finally we decide to have our designated driver ferry our asses home. Getting across the border, I find that I have to urinate with a passion akin to christ himself, but nevertheless, it's 2 in the morning and we end up lost in downtown detroit. The driver wouldn't stop for fear of our collective lives, and even so there was no place open with a bathroom anyways. I wind up forcing the driver to stop in the middle of a street downtown. I jump out, run to the side of a building (a large bank), and proceed to relieve myself right there in front everything. I was almost to drunk to get my pants down. I wasn't nabbed for it but if I had been I would have spent a nice night in a cell for sure...

Another time I was at the Grand Canyon sightseeing. I had to go like crazy and we were out on a trail. Now there are tons of people at the Grand Canyon. Tourists with cameras everywhere. So I walk waaay off the beaten path, and wind up on the edge of a 2000 ft drop. I always wanted to pee off something that tall. So I start to go and not 2 seconds into it I hear something to my left. I look, and it's an elderly couple coming right towards me on ANOTHER path I had not seen. I had failed to notice them until they were only about 10 feet away. They looked over and I tried pinching it off and tucking in and running behind some bushes all at the same time. This failed miserably, and I probably looked like a mentally challenged individual.


You just can't pinch it once you start. It's impossible.

[rouxroux]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

He let me use the employee only restroom. I thought about leaving a steamer in the sink, but I figured that'd be counter-productive to promoting generousity (forced though it might have been) to the public when it comes to their urinary needs and would have just made the next guy needlessly suffer.

Better choice:

Like the Spanish Inquisition, NOBODY expects an "upper decker"....

Just lift the lid and drop a deuce into the holding tank.

[Big Ed]

Originally Posted by dtw

Vash that reminds me. An acquaintance of mine (I only ever see him on the bar scene) has a penchant for whipping out his junk after he's been in the sauce for a while. One night he decided he's gotta go, but sees a huge line at the restroom. So he just pulls it out right there at the bar and goes for it. Pissed all over the bar. Owner was standing right behind him - I don't think he's been back there for a while.

I met this guy in Saratoga about 10 years ago (or someone just like him). Whipped it out in the middle of a bar and just started going, in a crowd of patrons. I saw the bouncers kick his ass, which was little consolation as I was bummed by the pee on my shoes.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Originally Posted by rouxroux

Better choice:

Like the Spanish Inquisition, NOBODY expects an "upper decker"....

Just lift the lid and drop a deuce into the holding tank.

It's advice like this that makes Pelican great... I'd never even thought about that. I feel... armed with new knowledge today.

[Porschephile944]

The summer between my freshmen and sophomore year in college myself and a few friends went to Montreal for a weekend. The first night were there we decided to hit up the bars downtown, we were camping somewhere outside the city. So we all pile in the car and hit up the bars downtown, after a couple hours we decided to head back to the campsite which involved figuring out how the hell to get out of downtown. So after driving around for a while were stopped at a red light with one car in front of us waiting for the light to change. After about 10 seconds the driver of the car gets out and stands in the middle of the road and starts peeing making no attempt to hide it. Were all in the car looking at him doing a WTF is going on and then the light changes and the guy is still pissing in the middle of the road. His passengers start to yell at him to get back in the car cause the light is green and they have to go, he continues to piss through the green light cycle until it turns red and then stops and gets in the car. Then some girl in the backseat leans her head out the window and yells sorry toward us. During this whole experience no one in line behind us honked at this to get moving. Everyone must have been as stunned as we were.

[dhoward]

Wow. An oldie but goodie.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have a problem with UIP being a "sex crime".
The overall penalty and repercussions are way too harsh for the 'harm to society'.

[daepp]

Blame the gays.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by dhoward

Wow. An oldie but goodie.
I don't know about anyone else, but I have a problem with UIP being a "sex crime".
The overall penalty and repercussions are way too harsh for the 'harm to society'.

Particularly in NOLA during Mardi Gras. I think UIP is about the ONLY thing you could do to get arrested based upon my experiences . But I do know they didn't play around with that one (although I didn't know about the sex crime aspect).

[Christien]

Awesome thread - some great laughs! I too don't get the elevator thing. Back when I was staying in residence during my undergrad, people were always pissing in the elevator. Thing is, it was only a 5-story building - it's not like you can't hold it for 60 seconds it takes for the elevator to go from the ground floor to the 5th.

Here's my story. It's New Years Eve 1999, and a bunch of us are at an outdoor heated patio/dancefloor in Old Montreal. Now, I've got a crappy bladder. I wizz a lot. Kind of like an old man. So on our way down to the old city, I stopped in a hotel to pee, knowing I'd need to go sooner or later and not wanting to be bothered around midnight. We'd of course been drinking all evening. So we arrive at Place Jacques Cartier around 11:20 or 11:30 and just hang out talking, drinking more. 11:45 I realize I need to pee again. Ah, whatever, just hold it till after midnight - after all, this isn't just any new years eve. 11:50 it's pretty bad, but there are no public bathrooms around and the bars all have $20 covers and lineups. Oh well, I'll hold it. 11:55 and my I'm drowning in my own pee - this ain't waiting. So I run off to a sidestreet and find a nice deep, dark doorway - I think it was a condo building. Normally I'd never pee in someone's front doorway, but there was no turning back. I get back to the place and 11:59 and about 40 seconds - I wasn't there much more than 10 seconds before we hear "DIX!!"...

[RWebb]

"I'd never even seen an indoor bathroom in New Orleans until around '97."

actually, there were some incredibly foul public bathrooms right beneath what is now the Riverwalk bridge over the RR tracks next to the Fr. Market at east as early as the mid-1960's (when we got driver's licenses and could go hang out down there every weekend).

They have port-a-cans for all major festivals now.

[David]

I guess I drink too much because I have plenty of pissing stories

My favorite (or is it most infamous?): at Octoberfest in New Braunfels, TX I waited too long to go and then found a line way out the RR door. I couldn't wait 10 seconds, much less 10 minutes so I passed everyone and went to the sink. I managed to get there in time but as I stood there peeing, I felt like there were 20 guys looking at my junk in the mirror