Pity poor me....

[nostatic]

Originally posted by dmac
Most divorces are initiated by women, but so they can "find themselves" or some other selfish bull$hit, enabled by their ability to milk their ex- for a living, all at the expense of the kids. In my personal life I know countless examples of this - and none of the wife/child beating variety. My friends in the medical and legal professions back-up this assertion.

Oh that's of course true...I don't know of any male lawyers or doctors that dumped their wives after becoming sucessful enough to find a newer younger version

It took a few years for me to recover...I'll stick with my story: it's the "system" (laws, courts, Judges, court services, "Child Protection", attorneys, and the left-wing femi-nazi influence on these) that's broken, not women. [/B]

At the risk of fanning the flames, I'd say you still have some recovery to do. I understand your bitterness, but seems you aren't in fact over it. You merely have found a woman who is willing to accept you as you are (for now). You are generalizaing from n=a small number. Yes, the system has problems, and there are bad people out there. The reality is that for EVERY divorce there is blame to be laid on BOTH sides. While the scale can slide one way or another, it takes 2 people to make a relationship, and 2 people to break a relationship. A combination of poor communication skills, avoidance, naiveté and take your pick of various neuroses help make a difficult proposition (a sucessful relationship) almost impossible.

I've been through a divorce and another near divorce. I've also gotten to a point where I have some understanding of where I've been, how I got here, and how that affects my situation now and tomorrow. And blaming the "fem nazis" isn't going to help me be happy. ymmv.

[RoninLB]

ask the male hairdresser what woman is getting divorced NEXT year? Then ask about the master plan she has? then ask for the best master plan he has seen. Naturally the husband has no idea of what's happening. [it's better to ask a guy]. the hair shop can be in Jerry Springer land when the females start yacking.. and of course the cutter is there to make them feel beautiful and sexy. so try to picture the scene.. it's unbelievable.
........Ron

[dmac]

I do not blame the system or femi-nazi's for my divorce (given the ex's chosen lifestyle, it was a good thing). However, the treatment of my child after it was clearly systemic.

Actually, I have been over the whole thing for years. I only wish the reality of what happened to be understood by younger people, who may be idealistically unaware that these things happen in the USA. I wish that young people do not need to make all mistakes on their own, but learn something from those of others.

[turbo6bar]

Originally posted by dmoolenaar
Your goal should be to locate a women who places the same importance on these things - and not a 2ct diamond ring. In time that will come (suprise for my wife coming - she doesn't read this board).

I couldn't help but think of all the Hollywood marriages that fail when reading your post. The primary reason for the failures - selfishness. These folks are all about themselves and what is best for them. Career, looks, money, all these things are top priority to them. Sure, even us common folk have some of that - but when you commit to a marriage it should evolve into "what's best for us", with just a hint "what's good for me too". Best of luck.

I guess the point of my post is why are there so many divorces these days? Is there or are there common traits or characteristics of those who divorce (i.e. workaholics, age, income, etc.)?


I know all about communication, compromise, and sacrifice. If you saw me, you'd know I give a rat's arse about money, looks, and fame. I'm a landlord, for jimminy crickets. I do dirty work. A woman who's attracted to me isn't in it for the fame or money.

Oh, to heck with it. I'll worry about marriage when the time comes. This is just going to raise my blood pressure.

Island911, I know what you mean. I'm a simple man. I just need food and a nice tail. mikez said,"don't have a stiffy, make me a sandwich." Those are powerful words!

Jürgen

[nostatic]

Originally posted by dmac
I wish that young people do not need to make all mistakes on their own, but learn something from those of others.

That is not the nature of young people...they have to make their own mistakes. I know I did.

[pwd72s]

Nostatic? We find ourselves in agreement. Love & relationship advice I try to avoid, because nobody listens when they are young anyway. At that age, perhaps rightfully so, in order to continue the species, momma nature has made the rules so that people think with their crotches. Perhaps you can tell me WHY a 20-30 (and beyond) year old refuses to hear the best path to gaining wealth? Some do, but not our daughter, who insists on spending every dime she makes with no consideration to investing. Grasshopper vs. Ant? Or is it true...some people just can't stand having cash?

[turbo6bar]

pwd72s, don't stop talking. Some Jüngsters do listen, and if you don't talk, they can't learn.

I'm slowly grinding myself to financial independence through real estate investing. My parents starting buying rental properties in the early 80s. Obviously, someone was paying attention, don't ya think? I was prepared for a boring engineering career wielding pencils and keyboards, but my weapons of choice are hammers, paint brushes, power tools, ratty old foreclosures, and tenants from Hades. I wouldn't have it any other way, though...

Sometimes, I like to make my own mistakes. Mistakes defeat false pride.

Take care,
Jürgen

[Schrup]

I have been married three times, so I'm not about to give advise. I do however have my experience that I will share a little of. My first marrage was extremely violent, though I have not once had a physical altercation with anyone since we split, & she still has violence in her life. I spent 2 years meticulously building a custody case & Dec. 2001 got custody of my then 13 year old daughter. Two months later the mother had a massive drug overdose & the paramedics called CPS (she has 3 small children from her current marrage). When the case worker visited her in the hospital, she made her vehicle & insurance payment, payed her ulility bills & gave her $200 in food vouchers. This woman has a well doccumented history with CPS, but they refuse to do anything other than enable her. The whole system, CPS, support enforcement & the courts have been hugely inept. But ultimately I am the one responsible, I have to suck it up & do what is best for my daughter no matter the cost. The bitterness & vindictiveness have been put aside for now, but I know I will need professional help if I am to truly put it behind me. Superman I met you last weekend & my heart goes out to you. I am glad I made some life changing decisions (no more partying) seven years ago so that I was available for her when she needed me.

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

back to the topic, 25 gzzz buys a lot of cabbage over the years.

[M.D. Holloway]

15 years later...

[ckelly78z]

I guess if I had an EXTRA $25,000, I might spend it on an engagement ring, but let me guess.....she wants the whole enchilada......10 bride maids, huge church wedding, $6000 dress, 500 guests, all in a tropical far away location with a 2 week honeymoon, right ?

Then, she'll want the $1,000,000 mcMansion, and the country club lifestyle, and the new Merc every 2 years, and, and, and.

Buy her a sensible ring and put limits on the wedding....if she doesn't like it, look long and hard at remaining single.

[M.D. Holloway]

Look at the threads post date... I think things worked out

[Evans, Marv]

I looked at those. Hard to believe going on fifteen years ago. Lots of those posters have moved off or moved on, & it's amazing how many from then are still here.

[SCadaddle]

My once hot Chilean girlfriend demanded 2 carats as well.

She told me my '69 912 was "yunky" (read "junky")

She told me my gradual loss of hair atop my head made me look like Hulio Sesser. I said "who the hell is Hulio Sesser? A baseball player?" (read "Julius Cesar")

She wanted "American whopper ti**ies" but in the end went to Mexico for the budget ones. Wound up dissatisfied. (Read Dead Beat Rob Lowe and Motel Surgery!)

I told her to hit the road and never looked back.

My friend Jake has his "4F rule":

"If it flys, floats, has four wheels or f**ks you LEASE IT!"

I tend to agree.

[motion]

Thanks, Mike, for dredging this up

Reading through these old posts... so many fascinating posters on Pelican who've dropped out of sight. Lots of us still here, though, after all these years. You guys are great I only wish I knew all of you personally. There's some real quality represented here on this BBS. Bar none.

Looking back on 15 years, Michelle was a a wonderful woman, but just not for me. I really am not willing to get into the details, but I'm happy to have known her, and also happy that we both went on with our lives in different directions. The money, which was a big deal in my original post, is pretty much just laughable at this point. Thank you, inflation. Funny, that thing, money.

There was a time a short while ago when I ran into her nearly every day. She looks great and is happily married to a tall, handsome, studly looking young guy. I'm very, very happy for her.

I write this as I sit in a ryokan in the mountains of central Japan, on an epic (for me, at least) RTW trip that my incredible wife, the lovely Lili, has allowed me to go on, with complete trust and genuine supportive love. Its amazing that a complete dork/dolt like me can end up with someone so amazing, yet here I am.

I wish that others with marital problems who are reading this thread will figure out what's best for their families, and move on to be happy with their lives, wherever that path will lead them.

Thanks, guys, for putting up with my shenanigans over the years

On our 10th anniversary, last summer in Miami Beach:

[M.D. Holloway]

Richard, you are truly a man of wealth and taste as well as class. It is a pleasure knowing you and reading about your adventures. Stay safe young man, you have a valuable person in tow and plenty more experiences to have...

[dennis in se pa]

Interesting ending. I admit I have not read all the posts. And a $25K engagement ring is way out of my league. But if a woman put conditions on me in any way I was gone. Glad it all worked out for you and your lovely wife.

[island911]

Originally Posted by M.D. Holloway

Look at the threads post date... I think things worked out

AH, Mike, you are subtle. People are too busy enjoying a glimpse of the past to notice the day you picked for all of this thread resurrection. --nice. You're a good egg.

[dheinz]

WOW...

Congratulations on the happy ending.

My wife responded to this thread on page 3 fifteen years ago. It seems she had the only woman's opinion.

I continue to agree with her today...

[recycled sixtie]

Originally Posted by dheinz

WOW...

Congratulations on the happy ending.

My wife responded to this thread on page 3 fifteen years ago. It seems she had the only woman's opinion.

I continue to agree with her today...

Yes there are too many women that want the big ring and the big house etc etc. If you are in agreement then fine. If not then there will be resentment. If you both see each other's point view then there is hope.

To DHeinz:
You and your wife sound like a good balanced couple.

And Motion am happy it has worked out for you....

I hope there are some young uns reading this thread. Don't be in a hurry to have children because if you change your mind about your spouse it is easier to make an exit if you have no children.