I swear I've had that EXACT conversation.

I've been married 15 years and we communicate fine. I don't talk to her. When she talks to me, I nod my head but don't listen or hear a word she says. It works great ;)

tabby - she is bright. and funny, frankly.

it's not that I expect sympathy for this, but yeah, my own intellect (and temperment) are frequently the problem -- ESPECIALLY with bright girls b/c they're used to being the "smart one" and bowling over most guys. JP doesn't get bowled.

The SAY they want a smart guy, but what they really want is someone who is juuuuust smart enough to acknowledge how smart THEY are, but dumb enough to be dominated.

Just my experience, YMMV.

JP

This is the typical dinner conversation, with EVERY girlfriend I've ever had:

Me: I don't feel like cooking, so let's order in or eat out tonight. What do you feel like?

Her: Well, we could get pizza. Or Chinese. We haven't had [name of Restaurant] in a while...

Me: Um. I know what our options are. Which of them would you like?

(this is where the verbal volleyball begins, with her doing everything possible to avoid a decision ... which usually winds up with something like)

Her: Well, what do you feel like?

Me: Having you make a decision. For once.

______________________________________________
Alternatively, knowing she won't make a decision, and trying to avoid the foregoing "conversation", I try to take all the "pressure" off of her and toss this over the fence:

Me: Hey, I don't feel like cooking, how about Chinese tonight?

Her: uhhhhhmmmmmmm...... I don't feeeel like Chinese tonight.

Me: (upbeat, not that big a deal). OK, how 'bout pizza?

Her: uhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.... I had pizza for lunch/yesterday/3 weeks ago

Me: OK, rather than shooting down everything I say, without offering an alternative... which must be fun.*.. how about you come up with an acceptable option...

Her: Well, we could get Italian... or Mexican... we haven't had (name of restaurant) in a while ....

and we're sliding back into the abyss.

Now, here's the thing. This actually upsets me. And I mention that it upsets me... in case my tone/inflection aren't getting the point across. But it doesn't change.

So then, when I get the "Why do you do X" when you know it bothers me speech. I ask why she can't -- actually WON'T -- do something as simple as select what to have for dinner.

Her: "I didn't know that bothered you so much..."

Yeah.

JP

* I pulled this stunt once on a grilf notorious for pulling this shyt.. making increasingly lame excuses for why this option or that option of hers wasn't perfect. She almost killed me.

Just tell her what U want/prefer to eat and go out and get it....to hell with the asking BS.

Don't U see the Eye of the needle.

Ahh, tabs. As always, there is an elegant simplicity to your approach....

Right up 'til you get the "you always make the decisions." "we always do what you want to do..."

And signed affidavits, videotape evidence and a choir of angels who have witnessed every time you've asked what they want for dinner/want to do tonight/etc. will not correct their misinterpretation of facts.

JP

The asking is a manmby pambyt bull-shi!ter....******* whipped mtherfker

The response...THATS WHAT MEN ARE FOR...

I hope this young lady was playin with ya and having a laugh at your response.

FWIW, when the wife and I get into it (usually over something similar to this) she "punishes" me by not talking, sometimes for days. She doesn't realize it's like a vacation.

It's amazing to me that they never hear what you said, but always know what you meant.

This thread is like therapy for me. Keep it coming.

you know the first thing a woman does when she leaves the battered womens center?


The dayum dishes if she knows what's good fur her!!

My wife started that 2 hour long rant about how I don't listen and What ever the fk she was saying .......blah blah blah...........
that's why they don't hear or comprehend you have spoken to them they're to busy in those little heads *****ing at us the hole time we're talking.

Sorry JP but the "trying to get her to pick what to eat" post is hilarious.

Very similar to a post of mine from years back about trying to get a simple yes or no out of a GF about going away for the weekend. She couldn't possible see into the future for two weeks to see if she could get away Saturday (her regular day off) "a client my be in town at the last minute" or "I might not feel well and won't be any fun to be with" :rolleyes:

How can you ever take any time off from work if you are in a constant "worst case scenario"?

The whole "I had that yesterday, last week, etc." BS drives me nuts also... am I the only person on the planet that doesn't give a flying fu*k about what I ate yesterday?

This EXACT same thing goes on with my wife. When she answers the question that I didn't ask, I then ask her the question for the answer she gave me.

Example: I'd ask her what time?
She'd then proceed to tell me what time the train was leaving.

Then I ask her, "what time does the train leave".

After doing this a couple of times, she catches on...

My wife and I go through the exact same thing, almost nightly.
Just the other night, we had an argument about always going out to where *I* wanted to eat. But the thing is, when we go out, she asks ME where I want to go. I usually don't care, so i pick the firs thing that comes to mind.
Two nights ago, we went out. She picked the place, which was not the place I was expecting we would go. When i questioned this, she said it's because its where i would want to eat.

WTF??

I don't care what I eat, as long as it's good. I wish she would learn that, so I would stop making the wrong choice.

They want the income potential of a smart, talented, self-confident, decisive man. They just don't want the company of such.

What exactly is a "GRILF"?

A "Gay Rancher I'd Like to Fock"?

You been watching "Brokeback Mountain" again?:D

This whole choosing where to eat and making a decision on what/where to eat is exactly what had been going on with my wife and I for awhile when we were first married.

We both got sick of the stupid non-decision making/trying to please each other B.S. and now I just state exactly what I want to eat and force her to state exactly what she wants. We typically agree or compromise. It's been working well.

Man. That's SO right on the money for 99% of the women out there. You just gotta find that 1% that are smart and demand a smart man to be along side them. I was darn picky, waited and chose wisely with my wife (and I assume she chose wisely too!) and it's been 11 years of pretty darn good times.

You gotta find the right woman. If you don't have the right one, you're better off alone and not wasting time with an idiot. In the mean time, there's plenty of free pron out there to keep you company.

Trying to find the "intellectual" click, with the sex and the smell and the taste is what we smart guys do.

We end up with the communicative disfunction characterized by JP and suggesting a rotting relationship that will soon be in the abyss.

If your view of her spirit doesn't lift you over this kinda relationship friction - dump her but quick.

We be smart and we think we need smart across the bed to compliment our smart and to make the relationship "whole".

What we really need across the bed is life, joy and spirit sufficient to lift us above the mundane machine that we men grind everything in life into.