It Was 28 Years Ago Today

[Jeff Higgins]

That I lost my dad to a heart attack. He was only 49; I was 18. I was pretty darn close to the guy, as close as a father and a hard-headed 18 year old could be, I guess. I often wonder what my life would be like had he not passed away that day.

I was in school and working part time at the time, but had to ramp it up to full time to help support the household. My mom had never worked, and my little brother and sister were still in high school. I left the house at 19 after she got on her feet and have never looked back.

I'm in the career that I was headed towards back then (engineer at a big aerospace company; same one my dad worked for) but little else is likely how it would have been. My full-time job was on the shop floor at this very company, a place I would have never been if I had continued part-time where I was. It was here I met a guy (long since lost track of him) that eventually introduced me to my wife of 21 years. I never would have met her if the old man had lived. Weird.

Anyway, I have lots of fond memories of the old man. My only regret is never getting to know him as a man; to sit down and have a beer with him. Folks that are still around that knew him say he was a pretty good guy. That means a lot to me.

I have two boys, 18 and 16, that I'm pretty close to. My mom says it reminds me of my dad and us kids when she sees us together, in that we carry on about the same way. That means a lot to me, too.

Anyway, I don't know what made me post this. Just thinking about the old man. I'll go home tonight and lift a glass in his honor.

[Drago]

If he was anything like the kind of Father I've seen you be to your boys he was a good man and you should be proud to call him your Dad.

[Joeaksa]

Originally posted by Jeff Higgins
I'll go home tonight and lift a glass in his honor.

Do not do it just tonight, do it every night.

Teach your sons about him and make sure that you are there for them they way he could not be for you.

I lost my Dad 16 years ago and still miss picking up the phone and calling him. Will see him again someday...

[RickM]

I take your reflection to heart as my dad is not doing all that well. He's close to the age your dad would have been had he survived. I'll lift a glass tonight for your dad as well.

[YTNUKLR]

Jeff, it's not something I talk about often (I imagine you understand) but I was just thinking about this myself over this past weekend...

I lost my Dad when to a heart attack when he was 48, and I was 12. Tomorrow would be his 56th Birthday. I'll be 20 in a couple months...time flies, it feels like yesterday.

It's SO, so interesting to think what would/could have been different. He got me into Porsches, and I think his death made me appreciate/like/want Porsches more. Perhaps it may determine my career (something with Porsches?). I also wonder if I would have worked as hard at school, done as well, or "gone the places I've gone." Before he passed away, he let me borrow his old Nikon and all his photography supplies, lenses, books, manuals, etc., and I got really into photography all the way through high school (and still am to a certain degree). Many people "pushed" me into playing sports in high school; if my Dad had been around, I don't think I would have played, for some reason.

I only ever knew him as a child, really. I can sit and think of him as a "man" because I know a lot about him, but it really is not the same as cracking a beer with him or going on a trip together. All my memories of him (well, mostly ) are very happy ones.

For some reason, your post inspired me to read Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the Places You'll Go" again .

You tell me if this makes sense, but I read it and thought it very poignant:
"Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment and especially on their children than the unlived life of the parent." -Carl Jung

I should toast a glass of wine to him tonight. To his 56th B-Day and a long, clear-arteried life.

[URY914]

I miss my Dad everyday.

[arcsine]

Mom's don't get a lot of press around here so I thought I would add this.

My mom died 15 years ago from cancer and I miss her everyday. I think she would of enjoyed how my sister and mine lives have turned out and doting on here grandchildren. She played a far greater role in my upbringing than my father in almost every aspect one can measure. Some may call me a momma's boy but I suppose I have been called worse.

My father has actively chosen a life distant from his daughter, son and three grandchildren for reasons I cannot comprehend and by this time, really don't care.

But in all cases, I feel for those of us whom have lost a parent far too early.

[wludavid]

My Dad lost his father when he was about 16; not to a heart attack but to mental illness. Naturally,his mom didn't work, so he had to scale up income and scale down education for awhile. I know the experience of losing his dad really shaped the way he interacts with me and my sister. I really can't imagine losing him when I was a kid. 18 would have been especially tough, as I was just getting out of the head-butting phase with him.

We're the lucky ones; we who are able to know our fathers as men. Jeff, YTNUKLR, and Arc, I'm sorry for your losses.

[vash]

wow, my dad died the same time. well, maybe 27 years ago.

hard to remember the little things.

[YTNUKLR]

Originally posted by wludavid

We're the lucky ones; we who are able to know our fathers as men.

i don't think i'd go that far. sure, i would love to be able to see my Dad again today, and see what was different. But, then again, everything else might be different, too, and i also happen to love the way other things have turned out, in their own right.

interesting to think about.

[teenerted1]

Originally posted by Drago
If he was anything like the kind of Father I've seen you be to your boys he was a good man and you should be proud to call him your Dad.

+1

i dread the day i get the call one of my parents is seriously ill again.

we were all together for my sisters college graduation when my dad had his first heart attack. luckily the stubborn old guy has stuck around another 16 years since that day. and is in some really great shape for a 72yr old. still walks 2-4hrs a day in the mtns near their home. and was out there shoveling the snow by himself all winter.

i think my sister and i are going to get the old guy a snowblower for fathers day this year. coolest thing i have in common with him is my birthday falls on fathers day every few years. and i was born the day before it almost 40yrs ago. cant repeat that gift any time soon.

we still talk almost every week even with 1500miles between us and he is very computer savvy so we email all the time. mom on the other hand still has a typewriter on her desk that doesn't collect dust.

[wludavid]

Originally posted by YTNUKLR
i don't think i'd go that far. sure, i would love to be able to see my Dad again today, and see what was different. But, then again, everything else might be different, too, and i also happen to love the way other things have turned out, in their own right.

interesting to think about.

Sure, I didn't mean it that way. We're all products of our experiences, so changing a big experience in your past would change how you became the person you are. Being happy is largely dependent on accepting the good things and the bad things in one's past.

Like Jeff said, he probably wouldn't have met his wife of his father hadn't passed away. Life is funny sometimes. Or even most of the time.

[Drago]

Originally posted by teenerted1
+1

i dread the day i get the call one of my parents is seriously ill again.

we were all together for my sisters college graduation when my dad had his first heart attack. luckily the stubborn old guy has stuck around another 16 years since that day. and is in some really great shape for a 72yr old. still walks 2-4hrs a day in the mtns near their home. and was out there shoveling the snow by himself all winter.

i think my sister and i are going to get the old guy a snowblower for fathers day this year. coolest thing i have in common with him is my birthday falls on fathers day every few years. and i was born the day before it almost 40yrs ago. cant repeat that gift any time soon.

we still talk almost every week even with 1500miles between us and he is very computer savvy so we email all the time. mom on the other hand still has a typewriter on her desk that doesn't collect dust.

I just have to add that I personally know teeners parents.

I've known them for years, great people, warm, caring, loving.

Teeners sister is much the same way, married to a great guy.

I love them one and all. (not like that you sicko)

All that, and it still doesn't explain teener.

[kach22i]

My dad also died at the young age of 49 (industrial incident), I was 25 at the time, that was 22 years ago.

Seeing an old photo really makes the memories come back hard.

[Seahawk]

Originally posted by arcsine
Mom's don't get a lot of press around here so I thought I would add this.

My mom died 15 years ago from cancer and I miss her everyday. I think she would of enjoyed how my sister and mine lives have turned out and doting on here grandchildren. She played a far greater role in my upbringing than my father in almost every aspect one can measure. Some may call me a momma's boy but I suppose I have been called worse.

17 years ago for my Mom...she was the nexus for my sisters and I, a great person.
Momma's boy? Nothing makes me prouder.

For all our losses, my condolences.

[teenerted1]

Originally posted by Drago
I just have to add that I personally know teeners parents.

I've known them for years, great people, warm, caring, loving.

Teeners sister is much the same way, married to a great guy.

I love them one and all. (not like that you sicko)

All that, and it still doesn't explain teener.

well since i do know Drago's folks almost as long as i have known him. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. motor head for a dad leads to motor head for sons. hope the third generation carries on the tradition. Thom always has a smile when i see him in the p-car. soon he will understand what all of daddy's car working words mean.

[pwd72s]

Hey...how about it...all of us who have lost parents have a cyberspace toast to them tonight? After all, where would any of us be without them?

[Superman]

I lost my dad several years ago. I was in my early forties. Our relationship had been a bit stiff (you know, fathers and sons........) but had gotten warmer in the last years and months. He was a good man. Had he lived longer, the relationship would have become much warmer. Closer. More like friends. We never quite got there, but it would have happened.

It's not easy being a man. No, that's not why I wear dresses. By "man," I mean the whole job. Just as a digression and an example, I was reminded recently of the day I picked my daughter up at the jail here in Seattle after driving from Tenino. She had been shopping with her boss and was nailed for shoplifting. Of course, she lost her job, etc. It was Rock Bottom time for her. I knew it and she knew it. Just outside the cop shop she turned to me and with big tears streaming down her face, she expressed her deep deep remorse. Now.....how do you handle that. You've got to show your love. Hug her, etc. But you can't be "mom" in that situation. You love this person more than you ever thought you could love anyone and you've got to show that and verify your complete support.....but you've also got to let the remorse do its work too. That tightrope is a thousand times tougher to walk than the ones the trapeze guys use.

Okay, anyway, it's not easy being a man. We can talk amongst ourselves, but imagine the kinship felt when you have your own dad to talk with. Flesh and blood. Experience.

I really miss that guy, and I appreciate everything I let him teach me. There are few things I would like more than to have a beer with that man today. Some day......

[Dan in Pasadena]

My Dad had a massive heart attack in 1970 when he was 45 and I was 15 years old. It was so bad he shouldn't have survived it, but he did. This was right before bypass surgery wascommon and before clot disolving drugs. My Dad lived another 20 years having a series of heart attacks until he died of one in 1990. In April it will be 17 years. After he died they found pictures in his wallet of me high jumping in high school. No idea how he got those but he did. He never attended a track meet of mine, never ever once told me he loved me in his life, but I know he did.

My mother says he would occasionally tell her he didn't think he was as good a father as he should have been. But I know he was as good a father as he knew how to be. I am now a 52 year old man and I have lived long enough to know some of the pressures he felt and I wish I could speak to him for only minutes to tell him "we're good, Dad. I always knew you meant the best for me".

My now-almost 26 year old son was only 5 when my Dad died. I have spent many times telling him about his grandfather; in a way so my father will stay "alive". I made a resolution the day of my Dad's funeral to be the best father I could imagine being and never to allow my son to think he wasn't loved more than anything. I have never regretted a minute of it. My son and I have never had a harsh word. He has told me I am his best friend and as far as I am concerned if I never do another thing in my life, I am HUGELY successful for having accomplished that. It is the highest honor of my life. In a way, it is BECAUSE of my dad that I managed to accomplishg these things. Sometimes they teach you even when they aren't meaning to. I believe I will hoist a glass to him tonight. Thanks for bringing his memory back today guys.

[Dan in Pasadena]

Originally posted by pwd72s
Hey...how about it...all of us who have lost parents have a cyberspace toast to them tonight? After all, where would any of us be without them?

Done! I am not really much of a drinking man but my Dad liked a shot of Mescal occasionally. I'm hoisting a shot to my Dad, Robert "Bob" Estrada tonight. Veteran of WWII, was on Tinian Island the day the Enola Gay flew her mission from there. Spent a life doing bust a$$ work as a brick mason in the heat so me and my two sisters could have a home. Died too young at age 66.
To my Dad.