I love meeting my daughter's boyfriends!

SLO-BOB · 06-20-2007, 06:32 PM

I must be sick, but it's such great fun. My daughter is 18, so there have been 3 or 4 over the years - nothing serious, but I insist on meeting them. She brought over "Ed" tonight. This after she ran out of the house like it was on fire the other night and jumped in his car w/o bringing him in for an intro. I went to the window overlooking the drive and gave him my best De Niro, "I've got my eyes on you" from Meet the Parents complete with hand gesture from eyes to him. Apparently that went over pretty big. Anyway, she brings him in tonight. I'm not sure who made him more nervous - my 120 lb dog wanting to gut him, or me. We chatted politely for a bit before sending them on their way. On departing, he shook my hand and asked my name, obviously wanting to be on a first name basis. My name is MR Hildebrand was the reply. My daughter rolled her eyes. Gotta admit, it was hard not to laugh. My wife says I'm a daughter's worst nightmare. I can live with that.

jriera · 06-20-2007, 06:41 PM

Bob, you missed the chance .... the proper answer will be: "my friends call me Bob, you can call me Mr. Hildebrand"

legion · 06-20-2007, 06:46 PM

See, and I'm collecting guns because I want something to clean in case I ever have daughters...

pwd72s · 06-20-2007, 06:49 PM

Hey Bob, let me clue you. No matter how much you hate the idea? Your late teens daugter is out there..balling her brains out, with some A-hole you cannot stand being around. That's just the way it is. Been there, done that. Give it time man...in another 20 years or so? You won't care at all.

masraum · 06-20-2007, 06:52 PM

Awesome story Bob. Reminds me of the current cell phone commercial that's similar.

"I see you are in my daughters group of 5, me too. I'm right next to you. < pause > It's like I'me watching you allll of the time."

the · 06-20-2007, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by pwd72s
Hey Bob, let me clue you. No matter how much you hate the idea? Your late teens daugter is out there..balling her brains out, with some A-hole you cannot stand being around.

how do you know that, do you know Bob or his daughter?

Jandrews · 06-20-2007, 07:28 PM

My favorite line...

"have her back by 11:00, and know that I am NOT afraid to go back to prison"!!

JA

Hugh R · 06-20-2007, 07:43 PM

I just tell them I've got 18 acres, a shovel and a bag of lime.

One of my favorite lines is from a TV pilot of ours. "I used to want a daughter, but I had a son, then I looked on the bright side and realized I only have to worry about one penis, not every penis on the planet"

M.D. Holloway · 06-20-2007, 07:53 PM

I wonder if we are not playing it all wrong. What about befriending the kid to the ultra max. Invite hime for a ride in the P-car, heck let him drive it. Arrange to do some fishing with him. Slide him a few twentys when he picks up your Daughter. Get real tight with him and share some man to man secrets, make sure to tell him you gots a whopper to share someday = but only after you have really bonded.

When things are so tight with you both, tell him you want them to go to Vegas and get hitched and insist on buying them the tickets. The kid will be dumbfonded but press hard for him to be with your lil girl always and stress that he will have to give up all his friends and he should get two jobs to support her. She will not be allowed to work. Oh ya, tell him in as cold a manner possible that remebr that secret that you were going to share one day, well the fact is you killed your brother-in-law with a hammer because he was cheating on your sister. They never found the body because you chopped it up in little pieces and fed it to the pig farm in the next county.

Or you can always scare the crap out of him like your doing...

SLO-BOB · 06-20-2007, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LubeMaster77
I wonder if we are not playing it all wrong. What about befriending the kid to the ultra max.

Funny thing is....if I did that, it would be over right there! Nothing more unattractive to a girl than a guy who her father approves of.

Truth be told, I'm just having fun while making sure the boys know that their girlfriend has a father who loves her very much. My hopes are that if I put that out there right away, territorial pissing so to speak, they'll know that there's a line that once crossed, has consequences, whatever those may be. Fwiw-I live a short "drag" to Lake Michigan - no shovel or lime necessary.

M.D. Holloway · 06-20-2007, 08:12 PM

There are some walleye and lamprey that could put a good fed on a severely wounded teenage boy that has his hands and feet bound with a hose taped to his mouth going to the surface so he can breath...

(Wow, thats some sick shyt, maybe I should switch to work on horror instead...)

slodave · slodave's Garage

Pigs eat all of the 2000 body parts...

rcecale · rcecale's Garage

Quote:

Originally posted by SLO-BOB
My wife says I'm a daughter's worst nightmare. I can live with that.

Better the devil she knows, than the devil she doesn't know, eh Bob?

Randy

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

Just tell him that the easiest way to dispose of a body so they'll never find it is to go to a cemetary in the dead of night, find a burial plot that's dug up for services the next day, dig the hole down a couple feet, just enough to put the corpse in, then cover it up to the depth of the bottom of the pit. The next day, they come and park the dearly departed's coffin right on top.

Tell him you know this works first-hand, as you've never been caught.

And FWIW, my father-in-law scared the crap out of me when I started dating my (now) wife. I got the message that I didn't want to do anything stupid to her and that I should respect him and his relationship to her. I think (in retrospect, now that I'm much older) that was the point, not necessarily to scare me off. . . I suppose I could be wrong, but that's what I'm guessing.

Didn't stop me from gettin' my mack on either though. Actually it kind of added to the thrill.

speeder · speeder's Garage

I dunno... seems like the "I'm a tough guy/don't mess with my daughter" shyt is kind of lame. Just raise the daughter to respect herself and she will require others to treat her as such. If she doesn't respect herself, it doesn't matter if the father is John Gotti, she will wind up with a douche bag.

When I was in HS, if I got any sense that a girl's father didn't like me w/o the benefit of knowing me at all, I would refuse to have any contact or interaction w/ him at all. She would have to run her ass out of the house into my car when I pulled up. And she did, BTW.

(Her dad was a redneck mechanic and I had a 914, his derogatory nickname for me was "Porsche". I schit you not).

island911 · 06-20-2007, 10:23 PM

Yep.

I remember being that young kid too. It turned out that I wouldn't stand for that "Dad" power-trip BS. I left that GF (because of her a-hole dad) and she hooked up w/ a guy just a couple years younger than her dad. (17 years her elder)

The dad then realized what a huge mistake he made. Tried to get us back together. She married the old guy.

So, Bob, keep it up and your girl will be sure to find someone who will be indiferent to anything you think or say.

Hoots · 06-21-2007, 12:48 AM

When my buddy's daughter brings over a new boyfriend, he tapes zip-lock freezer bags to the boy. When he is completely covered, he asks "Do you know why I put zip-locks on you? It is so I know how many bags to use to get rid of the body."

I have a set of castration clamps we use on our cattle farm. They are pliers about 2.5 feet long, and made of stainless steel which are used to cut the vas deferens. I will polish them during my "get to know you before you take my daughter out" session. When they are ready to leave I tell my daughter how much I love her and explain to the young chap what the clamps are for.

livi · 06-21-2007, 12:52 AM

I believe you are doing great, Bob. I can´t wait to all my daughters reach their teens..Saving the tips on this thread till then.

onewhippedpuppy · 06-21-2007, 04:28 AM

Having just had a daughter, I'm filing this all away. Life was far simpler when I just had a son........

Purchasing large quantities of guns, then displaying the prominently would have to be my favorite approach. See, not only do you put the fear of God in him, but you have the excuse to buy more guns. It's win-win!

id10t · 06-21-2007, 04:32 AM

Heh. My daughter is about to turn 7, so I hope I have a few years before having to do this....

My plan is to be cleaning the FAL and have a shovel handy...