ROFLMAO!

Re: Why dating in middle age is a PITA
 

Back Dueller's original hypothesis (which I agree with) I'm curious - What are you calling "middle age"? The man, I mean? What I read in this thread was a lot from guys in their mid 30's....from where I'm standing THAT ain't "middle age". Just curious?

If I were dating again I'd probably ( :rolleyes: ) be "shopping" in the 42-52 range (I'm 52). Ive got a full head of dark (still) hair, a six figure income, a house and a nice 911. I'm not repulsive so I THINK I wouldn't have TOO much trouble, but I wonder? Honestly I can't imagine what the hell I'd have to say to a 35 year old though......other than "get undressed" of course!;)

Dan...

Perhaps its the narcissism of being a boomer and the "50 is the new 30" mentality, but I put middle age at early 40's to mid-late 50's. Iknow, I know ...how many of us are gonna live to 110? LOL But I rationalize my definition as the middle period of your adult life and just throwout anything under 21...capisce?

I was single during my entire 40 decade. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ready to settle down and cut a wide swath. And I did have a ton of fun. I was saddled with no responsibilities (no kids, alimony, etc) had plenty of disposable income so I had a blast....but my general pattern outlined above became apparent.

I dated some women (girls) who were nearly 30 years my junior. While it was an ego boost and fun for what it was, in hindsight it was a little nuts...I mean what did we have in common. And as far as the 32-42 range, I found some charming companions for short periods, but inevitable they would confront me about I was gonna cheat on them with someone younger or some such nonsense.

And I even caught one women in the third category snooping through my financial records; another trust fund/divorce settlement woman in her 40's actually said to me "I could never be serious about us...you make more money than me but I have more money than you." WTF? I make 6 figures (low), have a decent investment/retirement portfolio, own my house/cars/toys outright and have no debt....

Anyways...life is good now.

Young girls dress provocative and say they don't want anything serious. But they want to make you wait for sex and with approval from their friends they want a ring.

Older girls dress like moms and say their looking for long term. Most of the time they will give you sex by the second date. It always ends up a FWB situation. They use their kids and busy lifestyle as a excuse but in the end their freedom and a little sex is all their after.

Thats reverse psychology at its finest.

Interesting observation, Tony P. Especially from a guy in his 20's:)

In my ...ahem..."research, sex has never really been an issue in this day and age. Almost any woman gives it up readily. But, young grasshopper, you will find that young women usually haven't quite figured it all out yet. About 35-40, women begin really coming into their own and are insatiable at times:D

Dueller,
Sounds like your current life circumstance is a lot like mine. I am in a log term relationship now but there are some storm clouds on the horizon. I'm attempting to stay in control of my own "baggage" but sometimes the urge to force what feels like may be inevitable is strong.

I truly don't want to be without this woman and I don't want to be back out there. But if the worst happened and I was....I think I would ACTIVELY avoid women for a while. My prior experience tells me that's not easy. When a man like me or you is out there I swear it must go on some form of communicaton to all 40's-50's women at once. They all seem to KNOW the change in status!

Anyway, I'm at the point in my life like you with a decent income, some assets (nothing all THAT great) but enough to not want to take risks. And frankly, I don't want to deal with nearly ANY drama. Trying not to be world weary or cynical but c'mon, I'm over 50...I'm not "in trouble" for anyone, ever. I'm no one's child anymore, no ones direct report at home and no one's father or money manager. Since women (in my rather limited experince) always seem to require one of those things....I'm not sure I want to deal with any of it.

On re-reading, I guess my baggage DOES show. Oh well, I am what I am and barring catastrophe I am fine, life is good as you say. How bad can it get if you have a paid off Porsche 911 anyway?!

Hrm, so I should be going out with a 17 year old...?

double

Once again, my dumb luck prevails. Meet my wife and you'll know ;)

Wayne is totally correct and I'm speaking from experience:eek:
Ask any of my friends:D

Sorry to disagree, Wayne. Crazy at 20 is to be expected. Crazy at 50 means she's had 30 years to perfect her psychoses.:eek:

If you're 20 :p

But they're all crazy!
I guess you just have to find the right level of crazyness to fit in with your own.

let me tell you, my wife and i split up , and since reconcilled and are exceedingly happy. But for those 2 years (i was 33ish) i dated, and oh my god are women in their 30's hot..and later in the 30's the better. Most all i met could do things to me that playboy stories are written about.
i am happy being married, but single would be ok too....

I was divorced about 3.5 years ago. I'm 49. The marriage was a long term one (23 years) and was increasingly abusive. Mentally and emotionally. It took me some time to recover and I am ever more aware of the damage that was done. Awareness is wonderful, and I'm working on the repair project.

At first, and still today, it is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS to come home to a house where there is nobody telling me about how disappointing I am. I live alone, and REALLY enjoy it. Sometimes I just sit down in my favorite chair and enjoy the silence and the absence of drama and criticism. This is after nearly four years.

I have had a number of dating experiences these past few years. Woke up one morning with a gorgeous view of Lake Union and Queen Anne Hill, in the bed of a very attractive and busty private investigator. There are other stories. I've had some good fun.

I would generally agree with the opening post in this thread, and with many of the follow-up comments. But I would say that age may not have much to do with the sourcing of a "good woman." A woman much younger than myself might be difficult to relate to, though.

I also find that romantic chemistry is almost completely unpredictable. I've always liked brunettes best. I met a redhead recently and initially had little or no interest. Eventually, I found myself in her bed and......well.......it was an unusually stimulating and comfortable experience. You know why blondes have more fun? Because there are not enough redheads to go around.

You just never know. But I will say this: At the end of the day, if a long term relationship is desired, absolutely the most important variables are VALUES and INTEGRITY. Having a matching value system is, more than anything, the key. And you HAVE to be able to trust them. A relationship with an ugly woman who shares your values and who you can trust........will be FAR FAR FAR more pleasant than a relationship with a gorgeous young cheerleader with whom you have little in common and who you cannot trust. Beauty and lack of trustworthiness are a BAD combination.

Excellent points, Superman...glad to hear you're recovering and learning about yourself.

In looking at your post, it reminded me of another observation: In 99.9% of the women who are divorced, they feel the husband was totally at fault in the breakup. It is so rare, yet so refreshing, to find women who will own up to their own contributions to a break-up.

I've handled enough domestic law to recognize it is a defense mechanism/rationalization that both sexes use to survive the trauma. Whenever I hear someone, male or female, blame the other party and deny any fault on their part, I remind them at the very least they made a mistake when they agreed to marry their ex in the first place:cool:

Couldn't agree more and it is a sore point with me even almost 9 years after the breakup of my then-20 year marriage that my ex never really felt she had done/not done A SINGLE THING that contributed to the end of the marriage!

I once even said, "Okay, I am willing to accept 99% percent of the blame for the problems in our marriage even though I don't think it's even possible for a break up to be all one's person's fault. What was your 1% contribution to the failure of our marriage" - Response? Stunned silence. And this was a marriage with no cheating, no beating, no money problems, we agreed on how to raise our kids, etc.

I think in hindsight the biggest reason was I didn't change when she required (though didn't communicate) that she needed me to. My sin was largely staying the same guy with the same values! Incredible.

You won't go far wrong betting that a woman, upon finding her "perfect man" (there is no such thing and it is an unfair burden to lay on someone) will then spend the rest of her life trying to change him. The expression, "familiarity breeds contempt" exists for a reason.

P.S. Superman, I gotta admit...at times I could be very envious of your coming home to no one telling you a DAMN thing. There's a price I am sure but it sounds enticing.

Re: Why dating in middle age is a PITA
 

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I am learning a few things here. Good thread...

Gaijin (I love your screen name, you HAVE read all the James Clavell books, right?)

You don't know the half of it. I could conduct a seminar! Excellent that you are paying attnetion though, Little Grasshopper!