Have not read them all - and not the last one set in 19th century Japan. I lived in an old treaty port town (Hakadate) and it much of the harbor area remains from those days. Little kids would chase after me: "Gaijin da!" I will read them all one day.

And yes indeed, very good information on the fairer sex. We need a FAQ section on women in their 30s, 40s, 50s & etc. :D

And after EVERY question the appropriate answer would be: :confused: :eek:

I just assumed your name came from one of Clavell's later novels, "Gaijin" which incidentally is among the weakest of his works (at least I think so). If I had to pick one novel that is my favorite it would be Tai Pan. Second would be Shogun. Both awesome. I only WISH Taipan had been made into a multi-part TV mini series bacxk in the day when they made Shogun into one. The 2 hr feature movie they made with Brian Brown (?) was awful.

Yeah, I am enjoying this thread more than most.

Let me share a little real world example. My wife and I were talking with a very attractive 46 y.o. woman. Tall, thin, intelligent, self sufficient, strikingly beautiful. Works as a pharmaceutical rep probably making $100K/year. Youngest child is off to college. Divorced about 10 years, but in an on again off again relationship with a crazy, but very wealthy, nut case. A really toxic relationship and he is truly controlling personality.

The woman realizes her relationship is toxic. She was lamenting there are no really good men left.

I asked her this. We know a guy who's in his early 50's. Tall; very attractive; fit--runs marathons. Divorced 15 years but has a good relationship with his grown kids and ex. Owns his own home; very responsible financially. College and graduate degrees. Active in his church and civic organizations. Professionally dedicated...in fact was recognized last year as the best in his field in the entire state by a national organization. etc etc. Interested?

She was ready to marry him based on our description.

Then we dropped the bombshell...oh yeah. He's an eighth grade middle school teacher in the public schools making about $35K/year...but he did receive a $50K federal grant to put computers in his classroom.9 The house he owns is a modest 2 br house. He drives a 6 year old compact car.

Silence. Then, "I couldn't go out with someone that makes less money than me!!!!" I credit her for being honest, but the ***** hit the fan when I said, "So....you admit you're a gold digger."

Oh yeah...the nut job she's dating just gave her an $80K engagement ring.

Be careful what you pray for as you may surely get it.

looks like you found out that, once again, the real nut case was her :D

at 20 it's written off as youthful irrationality-and there's hope you'll straighten out. Act that way at 50 and they throw you in jail sometimes.

Also, it's better in there when it's 17 - by 35 a lot of times it's worn out....

rjp

Dueller,
A lot of comments/thoughts occurred to me reading your story and then I think......see, this is EXACTLY what I mean when I think I would actively avoid women if I were truly on my own again. Who gives a s--- what her hangups are or why she has them or any other person's either?

I try not to be jaded or insensitive, but really? I just don't have the time anymore. Been there, done that, have the whip marks across my back to prove it! Who the hell wants to even THINK about all this crap? I've had enough drama, enough bickering, squabbling, and explaining "how I feel" about this/that to last me a lifetime. I suppose if I were out there I would EVENTUALLY wish/hope to find a woman who felt like I do, but in the end the truism about some other guy being sick of her s--- applies.

So true, Dan.

Truth is at our age we all have a little baggage. I just make it a rule that carry on is OK...if ya got a steamer trunk, check it with the emotional sky cap and leave me the fock alone:D

Don't hold back Dan, tell us how you really feel.
:D

I am also tired of dating 40 somethings who "won't settle"... we go out, we have fun, laugh, interesting conversations, but apparently that is not enough.

I know I'm no Brad Pitt but I'm pretty open minded about dating ladies that have a few extra pounds etc. I don't have any fantasies of dating super models.
As someone said "where is all the slack?" Hello! This is middle age dating you think we would be over all the superficial crap by now.

:D You guys make me laugh.

Life has taught me a few lessons and when it comes to dealing with women, in some ways you are never out of the junior year of high school....I think! They just get better at the "feelings" thing and the psycho babble.

If I were dating again, I probably wouldn't have a problem with a woman carrying a few extra lbs (like I'm not?). On the physical side there has to be an attraction no matter what age you are but more importantly is how she feels about herself. Is she constantly dieting and agonizing over it or is she at peace with herself. To me, someone who isn't at peace is a carrier!


Yeah, I DO tend to "hold back" don't I?:D

I like the "carry on" baggage anaolgy though. Excellent, I think I'll adopt it.

OH GOD, It is like JR High - the constant consultation of friends ab out anythhing, and worse the mirroring of friends with problems.

- girlfriend xyz has BF and they have a given "issue" next night, we too have that "issue"

-TV shows a man and woman in long whirlwind relationship, we should be like too

-women really do live like the chicks on "Sex in the City"

please watch out for those types.

rjp

They are all crazy whether you found them at a Art museum or running barefoot through the trailer park...... Remember if it has tit$ or wheels it will give you problems.

Especially if they're not OEM:D :eek: :D

You guys and your experiences are an advertisment for why I date only foreign chicks. Less head games, they take better care of themselves and they do not play the "I have a headache tonight" game...

I'm pretty sure I have been aced out by "consultation"... when I'm with the lady we have a great time, no arguing, no uncomfortable silence... then after several fun dates all of a sudden they break it off for no reason.

Nahhhh...chalk it up to the BBD:cool:

I find it hard to make generalizations. I've dated women between 34-49 (I'm 45 now), and they have all been different. Everyone is damaged in one way or another...the key is whether they realize it (step one), and if they've done anything about it (step two).

I've got other stories but I don't kiss and tell...

UGH, the friends. I make it point once I'm past the dating stage that I don't answer to 'em - at all. I squash it quick, right there along with the notion that Sex in the City is actually a viable reality.

You do have to give and take tho, now and then she wins one. Compromise does have to happen.

rjp

Help me out here... BBD? Maybe I should spend more time in chat rooms instead of watching the Discovery channel. ;) :p

BBD=Bigger Better Deal;)

you forgot the 17-19 age group. they don't need much, just some toys and a trip to the movie theatre in the 911. good times ahead.