Serious family issue. need advice

[hitched1]

I'm already a member of this board( i know i'm not supposed to have 2 names) but out of embarassment I didnt want to use my screen name.
Anyway, I am a HAPPILY, repeat , HAPPILY married man. My wife is wonderful and would not want anything to damage our relationship. The problem is my stepdaughter. She is in her mid 20's, sweet as anything, gorgeous. We get along great. The issue is her additude towards me. Only way to explain it is "overly friendly", pretty much to the point where it is unnerving to be around her. Ive basically made it known that I am not interested. But that hasnt helped

I'm afraid to say anything to the wife. That would destroy her. She is very close with her. Ive yet to ask my friends for advice( they would tell me to jump on it anyway...) What do i do??

and before you dirtbags ask.... No pics!!

[nostatic]

hit it

i know a good divorce mediator

actually, just make sure that you're never alone with her

except when you hit it

[widebody911]

Perhaps "electra" would have been a better alternate screen name

[Dueller]

I have twin 16 y.o. stepdtrs that are stunning...and really becomming aware of thir affect on men. They, too, are a bit too familiar at times. But that is a bit different than your situation with essentially a grown woman.

I think you've got to address it head on with her. If her mom is like most, she'll defend dtr and you'll end up being blamed. So I guess I'd arrange to meet dtr in a public place for coffee and just be honest with her...tell her you really adore her and love her like your own, but you're feeling uncomfortable that she's becoming too familiar; tell her you value her relationship but don't want to jeopardize your relationship with her mother. Above all else don't blame her and if she concedes (unlikely) she is being a bit too coquetish with you, tell her you're flattered but you think its unhealthy and you don't wanna go there. Tell her you would llike to keep this between the two of you.

Oh yeah...in case all this backfires and dtr accuses you of inappropriate behaviour, write your plans down in a letter and mail it to yourself before your discussion...don't open it; store it away. That way you have documentation that is dated if it does blow up in your face. Hate to sound paranoid, but it might help.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by widebody911

Perhaps "electra" would have been a better alternate screen name

Or maybe Mr. Robinson... coo coo ca choo...

Seriously stay far far away or get ready for the big D.

[legion]

How long has this been going on? Is the step-daughter in college?

If this hasn't been going on for long, maybe this will blow over. If she is in college, you only have a month or so to go...avoid her as much as possible or at least don't be caught alone with her.

She certainly must know that this kind of thing would hurt her mother. Could she be going for that intentionally? Is she acting out in other ways? Can you get her into counseling under other pretenses?

[sammyg2]

no pics? Booooo.

Seriously, you need to have a good stern talk with this young lady. lay it out in no uncertain terms that her behavior is not appreciated and will not be tolerated. Let her know that it stops now or there will be concequences.
No piece, not even a young one is worth a marriage.
Chances are she started out just doing some harmless flirting and got carried away with it.

[Super_Dave_D]

All depends - can the step-d keep a secret?

[hitched1]

Still at home, so tough to keep away from. Trust me I have never even made the slight advance or even suggestive anything towards her. We are good friends , we do alot together, enjoy the same music, activties, etc... We have alot in common. Maybe shes just become too comfortable around me? I dont know.

[lendaddy]

"Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this kind of thing would happen to me but......"

[livi]

That is a pretty groovy position. At least for someone without a conscience. For the rest of us it is not pretty. I have a very good friend in the exactly same situation. One day he approached me looking kind of confused. Said the step daughter is starting to give him the 'look'. Keeping close to him, touching him etc. He was very ambivalent. On one hand he felt really bad about it. On the other he was starting to make excuses for himself. Like 'she is legal age know', 'boy is she a looker' etc. However in this case he was no longer living with her mother, so he figured he did not have that much to loose in a sense.

I tried to reason with him and I think he was very reluctant, but till this day I don´t know what really happened.

What ever. It is a big No No and you should be frank with her and tell her she really makes you feel uncomfortable without assuming to know exactly what her intentions are.

[Super_Dave_D]

OK now that I made my crude joke.......maybe your just taking her harmless flirting too serious. Guys have a way of doing that. First - dont tell the wife as you already know it will destroy her and you just might be wrong. Maybe just ignore it and play it off as just flirting. If she eriously acts on it, then you will need to think with your head. Which one will be up to you.

[Super_Dave_D]

Originally Posted by lendaddy

"Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this kind of thing would happen to me but......"

LOL - I about spit my water out!!!

[hitched1]

Originally Posted by Super_Dave_D

All depends - can the step-d keep a secret?

LMAO you guys are bad! This is why i dont ask my friends.

Chris, I guess I only really noticed it lately. But the more I look back it has always been there for a while. Shes not the type that would do anything spiteful, especially to her mom. Not a bad or troubled kid. This is someone with a Masters degree, and who acted like angel her whole life.

[hitched1]

Originally Posted by lendaddy

"Dear Penthouse Letters, I never thought this kind of thing would happen to me but......"

LOL Nothing happened!! Understand!!

[Super_Dave_D]

You are solidly on your way to getting 100+ replies!

[hitched1]

Im sure...

Dueller, thank you. Thats the kind of advice I was lookinfg for.

[legion]

You are in a delicate situation. The best course of action IMO would be for you to hold the line and hope she moves on. Making a big deal out of this will probably make things worse and possibly upset your marriage. I'd chalk this up to a cross you will have to bear silently for the sake of keeping your family together.

Then again, if her behavior escalates, that doesn't help you either. Maybe you could start suggesting people to fix her up with in front of her mother? It might throw her a little off balance and get her thinking...

[Neilk]

Originally Posted by Super_Dave_D

OK now that I made my crude joke.......maybe your just taking her harmless flirting too serious. Guys have a way of doing that. First - dont tell the wife as you already know it will destroy her and you just might be wrong. Maybe just ignore it and play it off as just flirting. If she eriously acts on it, then you will need to think with your head. Which one will be up to you.

Hmm, sounds like a tough situation. Couple of questions though. Following Super Dave's post, is it possible that you might have finally noticed her beauty and that her flirtations are truly innocent but something has changed in your relationship with your wife that you are noticing your SD more? Are you noticing other chicks when you are in public? Has she said anything specific or just innuendo? I know I pay a lot more attention to someone new who is cute and friendly, but guys just crave new attention and can misread it for something else.

I apologize in advance if my questions are offensive.

[the]

Doesn't really sound like a tough situation at all. (Other than the urge to come up with jokes! But really, that's too easy!)

If you value the marriage, just say no. Problem solved.