new girlfriend new technique?

[gassy]

Swang, any mud on the helmet yet?

[Icemaster]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Make sure to use a Kroger condom when you're slappin' it.

OK, you got me....WTF?


www.kroger.com

[gassy]

Work competition

[Hard-Deck]

This is some funny ***** !

[Uber-fanatic]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

"Cratch Slappin'" by P-O-P, (c) 2007, with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss. It's the beer's fault. . .

So I'm with my new girl and she makes this request...

OMG!! I had to close my office door during that one...you just about killed me, I was laughing so hard!

Well Done...

[Oldscool]

beat the cratch like it owes you money

[futuresoptions]

Cratch slap fever dun! dun! dun! Cratch slap fever dun! dun! dun! dun!

[KFC911]

Ted would be SO proud

[Moses]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

"Cratch Slappin'" by P-O-P, (c) 2007, with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss. It's the beer's fault. . .



So I'm with my new girl and she makes this request,
One evening while I'm busy fondling her breast.
It was weird! Unexpected! It took me aback!
She says her cratch she wants me to smack!
I'm stunned at first and don't reply,
But thinking about it, I guess I should try.
After all this is something she's asked me to do,
So my plan, my good friends, I'll now share with you:



If it's something she wants and something she needs,
I'm smackin' that ***** until it bleeds.

Although this is new and a little bizarre,
I'm gonna' smack it so hard, it might leave a scar.

If I can't satisfy her, she'll call me a wimp,
So it's time to become a cratch-slappin' pimp.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack 'til tender and puffy and red,
I'll smack it whenever she takes me to bed.

I'll smack that cratch all kinds of ways,
I'll smack it on even and odd-numbered days.



She's the one who wants me to try this technique!
I should oblige! It don't mean I'm a freak!
So I'll do what she asks and extend my hand,
Line up a good shot and then let it land,
With a "slap! slap! slap!" right on that place
That's usually covered with panties and lace.
And the "slap! slap! slap!" of skin on skin
I know will bring her a satisfied grin.



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it silly!
I'll smack it the way I'd smack Milli Vanilli.

I'll smack it hard, I'll smack it light,
I'll smack it as if we were having a fight.



And at the end of it all, when the slappin's all done.
I know she'll be happy and say "that was fun".
She'll say it was great, she'll say it was nice,
But her cratch will need some aloe and ice.
'cause I'll do what she wants - I ain't holding back!
That cratch is gettin' my smack! smack! smack!



I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it blue!
I'll smack it the way she wants me to!
I'll smack it soft, I'll smack it hard,
I'll smack it inside or out in the yard.

I'll smack that cratch - I'll smack it around!
I'll smack it until I hear that "slap!" sound!

I'll smack that cratch like a good boyfriend should,
Whether using my forehand or backhand - or wood.

How did I miss this?????

I'm reciting your poem around the fireplace at Christmas this year. You know. For the little ones.

[KFC911]

OMG, I missed that too...everyone is wandering why I'm LMAO...I just can't tell 'em!

[Moses]

How about a limerick competition! I'll go first.

Our man Swang has a gift with the snatch.
His technique has found no mortal match.

A BJ's no crime,
but you're wasting his time.

'Cause he'd rather be slappin' your cratch.

[the]

Or a Haiku:

Right hand in the wind;
A broken signboard banging
Cratch like cherry blossom.

[equality72521]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

Make sure to use a Kroger condom when you're slappin' it.

Yeah, because they are over 50% effective!

[Drago]

How the fuch did I miss this?

P-o-P, we need to meet in person over a couple of adult beverages. That's some funny *****.

[ZOA NOM]

I am crying. This is HILARIOUS!

[Drago]

Originally Posted by ZOANAS

I am crying. This is HILARIOUS!

Mesmorized by the avatar...again.

[ZOA NOM]

You know, whenever I meet a Pelican, they never have a problem figuring out who I am, and it always causes a smile. It's my small contribution.

[Drago]

Originally Posted by ZOANAS

You know, whenever I meet a Pelican, they never have a problem figuring out who I am, and it always causes a smile. It's my small contribution.

Christ, now there's two of them....

Edit: Make that four. I'm going cross-eyed.

[anthony 911]

give her a toco chop...

[M.D. Holloway]

P-O-P! That is great stuff! I was laughing my arse off reading it! Swank should read it to his cratch spanking chicky.