The BIG "D" and What I've Been Up To. Yup, That "D"

[Aerkuld]

Originally Posted by the

why did so many of you have kids when you knew the marriage was in trouble? an honest question.

I would hazard a guess that most of us had no idea that there was any problem until afterwards. That was my case anyway.

Don - As others have said, sorry and congratualtions.

I've been in the same boat too, but it didn't get resolved quite so rapidly. Come to think of it, I haven't given you guys the update since the "getting my ex evicted" episode have I?
But anyway, things will just get better and better from now on and if you can maintain the friendly atmosphere, then that will make things even easier.

Best of Luck, and take care!

[71T Targa]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Snip... but my vote was to keep it.

Don't you mean 'him'?

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

Jeff, What you wrote here is absolutely key...and it is hard to do. When my ex and I split after 20 years it was only after having had problems for a long time. We had separated right before our 10th anniversary and at that time my kids were really young, 7 and 8. They were 17 and 18 by the time the deed was finally done. As we were going through it and I would be with my children I wouldn't talk about her but if the kids asked me questions (and I encouraged that) I would answer, trying very hard not to let my upset with her show.

Now, they are (almost) 25 and 26. My son recently told me he and his sister have talked and they used to hear all this cr@p from their mother about me. Emotionally accusative stuff; none of which was true. He said they always knew what was going on, knew I was getting a raw deal, especially financially because they could see I was struggling but she was breezing. But felt they couldn't say anything to their mother at the time. I guess recently, he told his mother, "Mom, its been years and you're remarried why don't you give it a rest? Dad never says a word against you except to ask us how you're doing sometimes". I am being told she hasn't mentioned me lately. The kids KNOW whats going on even if they're too young to articulate it. They are amazing little tuning forks, they pick up every vibration. I've never been closer to my kids.

Great post and even better advice, Dan. Kids can smell a phony, regardless of the families situation, from an earth orbit.

Never lie: they appreciate it and will reciprocate in kind.

[Zeke]

Getting rid of a woman that you simply can't get along with or can't trust has got to be a big relief. I know, BTDT. And that was my high school sweetheart that I dated but did not marry until I was in my late 20's. Nine years later it was over for good. No kids.

[Jeff Alton]

Originally Posted by the

why did so many of you have kids when you knew the marriage was in trouble? an honest question.

Things were good right up until the time that he was not "needing" her to live. Once he was off the breast and I was then just as capapble at providing for his life, things went down hill.....

Next thing you know I am busting her in the "act"......

Hence the "get out of my house" routine I pulled....

Cheers

[DonDavis]

Thanks again everyone. Great advice here. We are not speaking too well at this time. She's really pissed about the whole thing. It doesn't bother me though. We are using text, vm and email for most info. Had a few words w/her today when she picked up our son. She got pissy and I turned and went back inside without saying a word.

I AM NO LONGED REQUIRED TO RESPOND TO HER BS.

And it feels great. I then came in and emailed what I was trying to tell her.

Oh, and we have not been in each other's new home. We meet outside when getting Sam. There's no reason for us to go into each other's place at this time. Maybe one day but now.

We also have a stepdaughter. She's 19 and at UofA in Tucson. Really hit her hard and would not speak to me for weeks. It's a lot better now and we txt/talk. I do miss her. She's very cool and I've been in her life since she was 3. I hope I can still be in it forever. I think a few Pelicans have met her briefly.

Things with the boy have been great. I can see a hint of the "house rules" difference already but I don't think its anything to worry about.

His mom loves him very much. Plus her parents are maybe a mile from her. They are great people too. That's a good thing.

Unfortunately, all my family is in Tennessee or Kentucky. They rarely visit out west so we have to head out there.

I look forward to road trips in my 911 with Sam. He'll be a great co-pilot.

[DonDavis]

How ya like me now?
Ribeye med/rare, spinach and potatoes with Merlot.

[DonDavis]

Apologies to Tabs for not eating every single bite. However, with his current weight shift, I can only hope he would give me a solemn nod of approval.

Boo-yah!

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by DonDavis

Unfortunately, all my family is in Tennessee or Kentucky.

C'mon Don... you know you've got family in Ahwatukee.

[DonDavis]

Originally Posted by LeeH

C'mon Don... you know you've got family in Ahwatukee.

You're right! I am remiss if I don't count the grand folks over in Ahwa-tucky!!

My car is still in storage. Ugh! I need to get my 911 fix before too long. Hopefully get out there and bring it home this week. Maybe you guys could swing out this way soon? I do have a grill! And a big tv!

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by DonDavis

You're right! I am remiss if I don't count the grand folks over in Ahwa-tucky!!

Grand folks? I'm not THAT old. Oh... you must be talking about Jeff.

Hey... I'm in need of a trip to Mrs. White's Golden Rule Cafe. Why don't you and Jeff figure out a day that will work and let's meet down there for lunch? And let me know if you need help retrieving your 911. I owe you one in that area.