If he doesn't have anything to worry about other than school, and is a business major, tell him to get his ass in gear and take 15 or more. Like i said before, there's an initial shock in going to college realizing that you don't spend as much time necessarily in school but quite a bit outside of school. In high school i used to fall asleep in classes, not do homework, and i graduated with a 3.2gpa. But in college that ***** doesn't fly, especially in the engineering dept here, where they are known to force the dropout of half the ME freshmen every year. I'm taking 15 right now as a mechanical engineer but i'm also in between a junior and senior level so i'm used to the abuse. However 15 ME credits at this level means that i barely get spare time to come here once in awhile, haven't touched my xbox since i started this semester, and i don't even work....... . 15 business course credits especially early in the degree is not that hard, and you should have a talk with him so that he realizes that things WILL get worse and this time he's spending with BS intro classes is meant to ease him into the craziness later on.
Also as others have recommended, and it's not for everyone, but my friend and i both took a break from education and worked for awhile. Traveled, got life experience, etc, and it was the best thing for both of us. Now i'm only 3 semesters out of a BS as an ME, he's finishing very soon in air traffic control, both of us with excellent GPA's as well.

My biggest adjustment was to force myself to do all the extra reading and to start studying for tests a few days ahead of time rather than a few hours ahead of time.

The real way I realized that I had to get my act together was the threat of my parents no longer paying for school. That worked for me. Maybe that will work for your stepson too, or he might need something more sever, I'm not sure, but when he starts realizing that all that money he made last summer will be completey gone, he might turn it around.

At MSU, entering freshman engineering majors are referred to as a "Pre-Business Majors" due to the high failure rate:D

I actually didn't want to offend your step kid's choice in major, but there's a similar saying here for engineering dropouts. Matter of fact our course adviser would tell you "hey, look at the bright side, there's always the business college".

Oh no...absolutely no offense taken. I've been candid with him about the choice of majors. You know he's still a kid in many ways. He just has this idea that he'll come out of college with a BBA and the world will come knocking with big bucks job offers. No offense to business majors but without a graduate degree, you're looking at getting a job as an assistant manager in the food service industry.

Plus his grandmother wants him to be a CPA.

In reality he is a very talented writer and sucked at HS accounting...hated it. I've tried to encourage him to explore what interests him. To keep an open mind about every class he takes and try to learn what it is that truly motivates him. And then figure out a career path fro there.

Sorry. I missed the part about the credits and GPA conditions. I'd pull the plug now. My sister goofed off a lot in college, couldn't decide what she wanted to do, transferred to a much more expensive one that wouldn't take her credits AND the tuition, room and board was about twice mine. So my folks got chapped pretty fast when she came home with terrible grades, but great photos from her spring break cruise and sorority stories. For Xmas one year they gave her a check for $10k with little pieces of string taped to the check, aka strings attached. It was for one more semester's costs and she had to get a certain GPA. She didn't make it and my folks pulled the plug. To be fair to her, she got her act together after that, came back to live at home, worked in a restaurant, saved up everything, packed the car and moved to Dallas. Without a college degree or any decent work experience, she landed an excellent job in HR with a good salary, stock, etc. We were all very impressed. So college ain't for everyone and it doesn't mean he's gonna be a ditch digger if he doesn't go to school. But it's a distinct possibility.

Oh I agree. My wife was on her own at 17 and never went to college. But she worked her butt off and is very successful albeit she's still working her butt off.

His dad flunked out of about 6 or 7 schools...I don't think he ever actually finished a single college course. But he's doing just fine right now, retired and living in a multi-million dollar home in Ventura Beach. With his new wife. Who he met in his 4th or 5th stint in rehab. In her defense it was only her 3rd stint. Of course it helps she's a country music heiress.

So this is why the kid comes to me for advice about college...and then doesn't listen.

Hey, don't forget - Dick Cheney was kicked out of Yale, not once, but twice. He made out alright.

Well...my stepson does love quail hunting.:D

Sounds like he had the same reaction as 99% of all other freshmen that experience those conditions - i.e. the taste of freedom, access to funds, a car, and no one bird-dogging him.

My daughter's GPA her first semester at A & M was a very solid 1.0 - straight D's!!

I told her she was locked into a bachleors degree and no more. I told her that one semester killed any chances of an advanced degree. Now she's in law school. Shows how much i know.

When we saw that report card, we dropped the hammer hard. We took her cell phone, her car and cut her allowance to "call me if you need money - and the answer's NO!!"

That worked well as she got serious the next day.

OK...I decided to fuch with him a little bit. Keep in mind he doesn't know I know he dropped back to 12 hours. I sent the following email:

Just sitting around researching some law for a speech I have to give Thursday...

Your mom said you may be coming home this weekend...GREAT. Mom has to work Fri
and Sat night...but if you do get into town call me and we'll burn a few thick
steaks. Planning on any dove shoots this weekend?

How's school going? Caught up in History yet? Hang in there...you can do it...I
have complete confidence it'll work out fine. Besides, at 12 hours a semester
it'll take you 5+ yeats to graduate.

On a more somber note, I spoke with the court clerk on the two speeding tickets. If convicted it looks like fines totalling $432 and possible loss of license. Plus your insurance will go up at least $1200/year when they hit. The two Highway patrolmen know about the other's ticket and they're pissed. Let me know what you want to do.

Later.

jim

Does he think you're not gonna find out about the reduced course load? Don't you see the bills? Don't you see the report cards? How does he think he's hiding the 12 hrs. thing?

On a more somber note, I spoke with the court clerk on the two speeding tickets. If convicted it looks like fines totalling $432 and possible loss of license. Plus your insurance will go up at least $1200/year when they hit. The two Highway patrolmen know about the other's ticket and they're pissed. Let me know what you want to do.

I would have finished this sentance off with "Let me know what how you are going to handle this".

Hopefully he can get lucky with the speeding tickets (as I did on the one I have received) and it won't hit the insurance.

I am also a business major, but last year wasn't exactly a cakewalk. My intro classes in calculus, biology, american studies, international studies, and so on were all fairly challenging. Especially because of my lack of interest in them. This year I am starting on business stats, accounting, economics, and some other intro business courses. My school is a top 15 B-school and I fully expect to have to get my MBA at some point, just like both my parents. If I use them as a model, I feel like I can be fairly successful.

Oh young innocent Rick. You aren't aware of the federal law. Students have a righ to privacy and only they can authorize access to schoolrecords of any type regardless of who is paying the bills.

That being said the little schit accidentally left his password on his desk so unbeknownst to him I have total access.

No question Garrett. But you recognize to be competitive in the work force, especially landing entry level jobs, it will depend a lot on your grades, coursework and grad degrees.

If you were coming out of a small college with a mediocre GPA youi know your options would be limited.

Sounds like you are really serious and on the right track. Would you have honestly tried to pull this stunt on your parents? And if so, how would they react?

I was a business major. There were a lot of goof-offs--a lot of kids who were happy to get their "C" as long class time didn't cut into drinking time. I found that the more serious students were typically finance, accounting, or BIS (computer programming) majors. The less serious were typically business administration, international business, and marketing majors.

That is true, and that is why I chose to go to a bigger, better school rather than playing soccer at a DIII school. EDIT: Legion, I am still undecided at this point, but I know I will be either a finance or accounting major.

I probably wouldn't have gone this far in terms of trying to pull something over on my parents because I know that they would eventually find out, because they always do. If they gave me a specific instruction, ultimatum, whatever, and then I disobeyed it, I would fully expect that there would be hell to pay. I'm not sure if thinks you won't find out about dropping the class, but there is almost no way you won't at some point.

I would say that there is a decent chance that he made the decision to drop the class without fully thinking through the repercussions it would have with you and no that he is sitting back he's kind of going "oh *****" what am I going to do now". I would say give him a chance this semester with the 12 hours, but he damn well better have a 3.0, if not a 3.2. Then next semester he has to take 17 or 18 hours to get back to a solid average. Lay it all on the line for him and be explicit, if he doesn't meet expectations, you are not paying (or whatever you decide is appropriate).

Also, there is likely a way that he can authorize you and your wife to have access to all of his financial and academic records through the university. My parents had me set up them with an account last year so that they can see everything anytime they want if the so choose. However, I am pretty sure that they have both forgotten the username/password, so I just give them the info they ask for. At some point, he will realize its not worth lying to you, because the disappointment you will have for him will be much greater than if had simply told you in the first place that he f*cked up. I know I have come to that point.

Which is the best thing your parents could have hoped for, and the lesson I have tried (so far successfully) with my kids.

I bet your parents are very cool, no kidding...teaching responsibility takes diligence and confidence.

Dueller, take heed...the kid speaks volumes.

You're probably right, Garrett. I can see him sitting there rtrying to figure out how to respond to my email without outright lying. I will give him credit that he is about as honest an 18 y.o. I've seen.

I guess the thing that really chaps my azz is that we discussed this and I specifically told him not to drop. To catch up and move forward. That if he was still behind after trying to catch up then we would revisit it in October before drop was closed. It wasn't the answer he wanted from me but he said he would try. And then 3 or 4 days later he unilaterally decides to drop without talking to his mom or dad. Much less me.

I guess he now figures its better to ask forgiveness than permission.

On another note...how strong are greek organizations at Miami? Is it that important there? What are your thoughts on joining a fraternity?

We are not the type to reneg on an agreement or promise with the kids. If we say we're gonna do something they can take it to the bank. We said we'd give him 2 semesters with the GPA/courseload proviso to prove he was serious. Since he has decided to unilaterally change the deal we can too. Its done but I think we need to up the ante on the GPA. Fair is fair. And life ain't.

The greek life here is really big. A good part of the stuff happening on the weekends involves a fraternity. There is a lot to do no matter what but being in a frat is fun. Some of my friends are, and they all really enjoy it. At Miami, rush is at the beginning of the second semester, not right way in the first semester like many schools. When it came down to it, I knew I absolutely had to get a minimum of 3.5 second semester so I decided not to pledge because of the massive amount of time that it takes up. Pretty much everyone I knew saw a decline (some small and some very large) in their GPA when they pledged because of how much time they spent at the fraternity instead of studying. I just couldn't have done it, although I may do it this year depending on things go. Basically, I think that they are a lot of fun, but they are a lot of work too.

Now if your stepson would be pledging this fall, it might not be a bad thing. He only has 12 hours so the extra time that pledging takes up would not as much of an impact. Then when he has to buckle down second semester, he will already have gone through the hell that is pledgeship.

Now I really feel like chiming in since finding out the boy is at Ole Miss. That's where I started, my load was 15 hours my 1st semester. It's way too much, trust me. There are times when 15 or more is right, this is not it. Ole Miss, if it is anything like it was, it is very social, there is way too much going on all the time. And laud have mercy the women. :eek: I'd say scale him back to 9 hours and let a 2.0 fly with his mother.

Back when I was there, Ole Miss wasn't on the top of the list of party schools in the nation that playboy put out, they deemed it unfair that Ole Miss be put in the same category with the other schools. I wonder if they still have the field of pot for the pharmacy school?

BTW, he doesn't need a car in Oxford Miss, there are plenty of rides to be found to go party in Memphis, or blow the extra dimes in Tunica.. All I had was a bike, and it didn't prevent me from getting laid and having way too much fun.

I wish I hadn't screwed it all up back then, but now it doesn't really matter, I'm back in school full time at age 32, and I enjoy it. It's fun, and ooh my goodness the girls.. :eek: I make the good Deans list now.:)

I couldn't care less about privacy laws. Tell your boy about the Golden Rule - the man with the gold makes the rules. You write the checks, you see the grades. Even if you didn't your bill should have a breakdown of credits. Isn't that how they bill you? $XX per credit?

If he's having a hard time focusing on academics now, rest assured, pledging a frat is NOT something I'd encourage at this time. That took up about every second of my spare time when I was doing it. We were f&cking slaves! Luckily, I had spent the last four years at prep school, so college wasn't very difficult for me and I tend to do better at everything when I'm really busy.

How the fk do U people miss the obvious. It really amazes me....

Anyway...the kid is away from home for the first time in his life and is NOW FREE of parental control. So he is running wild with this new found freedom, and he is still basically a child who hasn't grown up yet. Probably too much petting on the head as a boy.

I took 12 hours my final semester. Of course, I went into that semester with 110 hours and needed 120 to graduate. I decided to take golf and swimming (1 hour each) so that I could remain a full-time student. I graduated in four years. I was also 0.02 grade points short of graduating with honors because I got a B in golf.

I double-majored in finance and BIS. That last semester with 10 hours of serious work and 2 hours of goof-off classes was by far my toughest. I was working 20 hours a week (7:00a-12:00p M-Th) and because I had two majors, I had two sets of "capstone" senior-level classes to take. Many classes had a large project as the single grade.

I liked finance. Accounting is all about producing an accurate financial picture of a company. It has very rigid rules and guidelines. Finance is the dark art of using those numbers to predict the future. There are often a dozen ways to work a problem--all of which could be correct depending on what assumptions you make.

Garrett...Ole Miss has changed up the rush schedule so it starts in October rather at the beginning of the semester. Seems to be a good idea since it gives incoming freshmen a little time to get their feet on the ground. That being said he wasn't particularly intereste din rushing since we made it clear if that was what he wanted he would have to pay for it. Now that he's there he thinks he wants to pledge...even in light of dues at $400/month pluss assessments. We shall see.

Matt...you were there, what? 12-14 years ago. Trust me. There is now even MORE talent than ever befrore. I was there for law school in 87-89. it truly is astounding. And the nations only legal pot farm is still there.

Rick...we told him that. He was fine with it. But since I had it anywaywe didn't press. We just monitor without him knowing...kinda gives us an edge that he doesn't know. IF he were to change hyis password we'd expect it immediately.

[QUOTE=gprsh924;3475430]The greek life here is really big. QUOTE]
Wow I did not realize there are a lot of ******s at U of C

***** man I never took more than 12 hours in any quarter or semester and I still graduated in under 4 years....

Interesting observation from a fellow that's still striving to live up to mother's expectations.:D

But wasn't that a two year program at the Institue of Spoon Appraising and Truck Driving?

***** man at the UC there were classes I hardly ever showed up for....and didn't learn a fking thing except how to write and present ideas well.

It is a fools errand to try to live up to Mothers expectations as no one can live up to them, not even Jesus Christ himself.

Oh U saw me there, weren't you in the third row sitting by the window. If I remember correctly all U did was stare out the window, everybody thought U were tripin on Blue Barrels all day long...especially after youd be humming "Inagaddaavida" by Iron Butterfly. Your rendition of the drum solo lwas quiet spectacular.

Yeah...I got a minor in coke spoons. When McDonald's started making their plastic miniature coffee spoons with no bowl I had to drop out since my dissertation was renedered useless.:D

I'd encourage the boy not to pledge. Who pays to have friends anyway? There was never a problem finding a good party without being apart of one.

Deuller, yes 14 years ago, the best decision I ever made was to leave, even though I was invited back.

All of my savings had disappeared. Ole Miss., worth every penny. It was a helluva ride.:D

Not useless, the paper from it was used in the Mens Room for many years...and a few sheets of may still be found laying around in there. If U ask me it was a Dissertation that was put to good use.

On a serious note, Tabby. ..assuming your assessment is correct, what's the solution? Please give me your sage advice on the boy?

that was for drunk driving.

We have discussed the pro's and con's. He had pretty much come to the conclusion that he'd wait until next year or maybe seek a wildcat bid in the spring if he was really interested. He's very gregarious and makes friends easily, so there was no concern about his social life.

I guess he's up there under the influence and hype, so now he's registered for rush.

That was always my opinion of frats.

I had a friend kicked out of one fraternity after some upper-classman frat brothers stole his checkbook and used it because he took the situation to the school. (He was basically told to suck it up--that was the price of being in a frat.) Even after that experience, he joined a different frat the next year. :rolleyes:

My replacement RA the next year was kicked out of the same frat (Pikes) after some upper-classman frat brothers (the same guys?) started opening his mail around his birthday...he found the birthday cards in the trash--sans cash his family had sent him.

I lived on $400 my entire freshmen year of college (after rooming, tuition, meals were paid for). Frat dues at my college were something like $5,000 a year. After seeing how other people I knew were treated, I had no interest.