A Bit of Wisdom About Getting Older

[Dan in Pasadena]

Pelican Masraum's response on the thread on movie lines that have taught you something got me thinking (always dangerous)

My beloved mother is teaching me how NOT to behave as I get older! I am 53, she is 83.

Here's what I am thinking: When we get truly older we all begin to lose our independence and our dignity bit by bit. We may need others to help us with things. Left heavy objects, read that small print, our driving priviliges (DOH!). You get my meaning? There is a certain loss of dignity in these things IF you think of it that way but eventually, if we live long enough there is not much diginifed about someone else wiping...uh...well,... food off your chin (you know what I meant). You have to rely on others more.

So shouldn't we WANT our loved ones to spend time with us out of love and enjoyment of being with us, instead of out of obligation?

What I have learned? STOP complaining! Be positive. No, don't be "Pollyannaish", but LOTS of people would like being alive at your age. Dont make noises as you get up or sit down. DON'T say (supposedly to yourself) "Oh God, help this old lady" like there is something wrong with you - there isn't, you're just older and a bit slower. Don't tell everyone you see how you don't eat much anymore or how many pills you take a day. I love my mother and I bite my tongue (off, sometimes!) but I have learned these things from her as she has aged and I have silently (til now) vowed not to do them myself with my children.

[notfarnow]

yeah that's a tough one, because it's so hard to call them on their behavior. No one wants to correct the elderly, so they can get into some bad habits.

My dad is down from Montreal, he went to see granny at "the home" last week. They've taken away her cane, because she was "using it to exert undue influence on staff and other patients".

My mother's mother is a whole different story. She's 86 and she is younger now than I remmber when I was a kid. She swears now, and loves to have a glass of wine and have a laugh.

She has "happy hour" every friday for the hens. All the aunts, daughters, grandaughters, nieces go to nanny's big old house for drinks after work. 20+ people, it's quite a scene... Nanny lives for fridays.

[Mo_Gearhead]

We are at once children, we need assistance, guidance, help ...then, we mature and can fend for ourselves... later in life (if we live that long) we become children again.

[legion]

My parents became children again when they turned 50.

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by legion

My parents became children again when they turned 50.

in a good way or a bad way?

[legion]

A bad way. My mom bought a horse and filed for divorce from my father. My father became a moody adolescent.

I can't tell you how many conversations I had with each parent where I felt like the parent.

"Mom, don't buy a horse, you can't afford it..."

[Dan in Pasadena]

You guys are obviously a LOT younger than I am. Hell, your parents are younger than I am! Oh well!

I don't know why this idea doesn't exactly "keep" with me; I have to keep reminding myself: This isn't a dress rehearsal. You get ONE SHOT, Danny Boy. Stop (figuratively, but also somtimes literally) looking down at your feet to make sure you don't trip. Lift you chin and see the sights, you may not pass this way again.

I don't mean you gotta jump out of airplanes. The whole, "Go for the Gusto" mentality - not that I have a problem with it as long as you only kill yourself. I am just saying we all need to appreciate life more. It is fleeting as hell. My first grandson will be born about January 5, 2008. I intend to enjoy that little boy SO MUCH. I enjoyed the heck outta my kids but their infancy, toddler and little years were over SO friggin fast. I was working, worrying, etc. Not going to let this slip by me this time.

I intend to THOROUGHLY enjoy myself from this point forward. I am trying hard not to let people or their sometimes lame or closed little minds pi$$ me off....we'll see how well I manage that. You guys will probably be the ones that tell me, "I thought you weren't gonna get PO'd Dan!"

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by legion

A bad way. My mom bought a horse and filed for divorce from my father. My father became a moody adolescent.

I can't tell you how many conversations I had with each parent where I felt like the parent.

"Mom, don't buy a horse, you can't afford it..."

That's tough, I struggle with those conversations where I feel like I'm speaking like a parent. My mother's been on her own for 10+ years. In the last couple years I've had to intervene a few times on issues with the house, with the other sons or even with her finances. She went through a period last year when she was drinking more than usual. She seems back on track now, but I'm still uneasy about it.

[notfarnow]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

You guys are obviously a LOT younger than I am. Hell, your parents are younger than I am! Oh well!

I don't know why this idea doesn't exactly "keep" with me; I have to keep reminding myself: This isn't a dress rehearsal. You get ONE SHOT, Danny Boy. Stop (figuratively, but also somtimes literally) looking down at your feet to make sure you don't trip. Lift you chin and see the sights, you may not pass this way again.

Dan, you sound like my dad. That's how he lives. He's not extravagant, but he really tries to enjoy his life, even the struggles. He's not perfect, but he's still my hero... even more so as I watch him age.

Didn't mean to hijack your thread with OT issues.

[Dan in Pasadena]

Jake, You didn't hijack. I loved your comments. I really like the story of your grandma's Friday nights. Godspeed to her AND to your other granny too.

I had a next door neighbor named George for about 13 years. George was about 80ish ten years ago when I knew him. I'd see him starting to climb a ladder to get on his roof and I'd say, "George you're gonna break your neck doing that. Lemme do it". George would come down the ladder and would say, "I know I shouldn't do this stuff but dammit I know in my head I can....its just that I've gotten go Goddamned old and its stupid of me to try, you're right."

Thing is, this guy was the SAME as you and I, meaning his body was 80 but in his head he was a 35-40 year old guy (just like I AM in my head still). He taught me you have to grow older but you don't HAVE to grow old...at least not in attitude.

When his wife passed away he cried like a baby and told me at her funeral, "Gawd Dan, take it from me Millie was a looker and a hoot as a young woman. She gave me a hell of a run and she loved me to the end. I will always be thankful for that and when I see her next I intend to tell her myself all over again". George died about a year later. When my wife split with me I remembered that and wished I'd had a chance to experience it. Now I havethe chance all over again because Jake, "my Lulu is a looker and a hoot and she's giving me a hell of a run...."

[Superman]

I agree a billion %. It's very simple. Life is not something that comes at you. Your world is not exterior. YOU have your life. YOU make your world. Two people in exactly the same objective situation.......one of them might be living a tragic, sad, pathetic, unfair life. The other might be having a BLAST. It is up to you.

I was married to a whiner. I think life is like a roast beef sandwich. Take big bites.......it's delicious!

[Superman]

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.

[notfarnow]

George sounds like a familiar character.

When I was in high school, I worked in the old city market for my uncle. He had a table set up for the "Liar's Club", which consisted on 4-5 old guys who would sit around and heckle each other, the staff and passers-by. Think of the old guys on the balcony on the Muppets. I didn't have any grandfathers around when I was growing up, so I really cherished my time with these guys. I learned a lot from them for sure. They were still squeezing the last drops of life out. Getting out and causing trouble. Old Bill Bailey could wiggle his ears like someone in a cartoon. I had him show my girlfriend, and he leaned over and whispered "that's not all I can wiggle, dear". Puzzy Cooper used to come with me on deliveries, he'd sit in the car so I wouldn't get tickets when I double-parked. One delivery I was making runs back & forth to the car, he had a sandwich tray opened and he was eating a ham & cheese. "I don't work for free, boy! Next time make one for me or I just help myself!"

Sometimes they'd have great, loud arguments. One day one of them came in with JET BLACK hair, and the others accused him of using Rustoleum on his head.

As they got older, I watched them struggle to keep their dignity. It was tough. Sometimes they'd need a hand getting up & down, getting their coats. One guy started pissing himself, and my boss would have me discretely drive him home. One day the old guy started weeping as I took him home, sitting on a towel in my uncle's car. He was just so embarrassed. It broke my heart, taking him to his little apartment where he's just spend the rest of the day watching TV alone. He eventually sucked up his pride and started wearing Depends. It was too important for him to be out & about.

They've all passed now, each one of them. Glad I got pictures of them.

[Christien]

Some awesome reading here, guys. I especially like this bit:

Originally Posted by Superman

Life is not something that comes at you. Your world is not exterior. YOU have your life. YOU make your world. Two people in exactly the same objective situation.......one of them might be living a tragic, sad, pathetic, unfair life. The other might be having a BLAST. It is up to you.

So true. I think this is what Thoreau was getting at in the quote from Walden I posted in the movie lines thread. Here it is again:

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details, worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour."

[Moneyguy1]

SUpe...."Growing old is mandatory....Growing up is optional"....

I posted that a while ago somewhere else!!

I intend to keep learning and exploring until the day I am turned into ash and lay next to my bride.

[Overpaid Slacker]

I thought it was going to be something useful, like "never trust a fart..."



Try the veal.

JP

[Dan in Pasadena]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

...Sometimes they'd have great, loud arguments. One day one of them came in with JET BLACK hair, and the others accused him of using Rustoleum on his head..

"Rustoleum"! That's a hoot. I'm gonna remember that and use it when inevitably someone eventually tells me to dye my starting-to-gray hair!

Originally Posted by notfarnow

...As they got older, I watched them struggle to keep their dignity. It was tough. Sometimes they'd need a hand getting up & down, getting their coats. One guy started pissing himself, and my boss would have me discretely drive him home. One day the old guy started weeping as I took him home, sitting on a towel in my uncle's car. He was just so embarrassed. It broke my heart, taking him to his little apartment where he's just spend the rest of the day watching TV alone. He eventually sucked up his pride and started wearing Depends. It was too important for him to be out & about.

They've all passed now, each one of them. Glad I got pictures of them.

Jake, You were a wise young guy to value those old guys. What's the line on the headstone about, "Where you are now I was once, where I am now you will be"...something like that.

As for the guy that had to wear the Depends? I fee lfor the man. Look, none of us EVER wants to get to that point, but some of us will. I'll do the things the doctors tell me to hopefully avoid it. But if it ever comes to that I am sure I'll shed a tear or two for what is past but I won't let it keep me a prisoner of some little room. I'll use them, and keep on with living. And in my mind one of the bigger things is I won't tell anyone about my issues, I'll try to keep whistling as I go along. Find a way to make a joke out of it if it comes up. I mean really, what's the better alternative?

Thanks for the stories guys, keep 'em coming.

[Moneyguy1]

Jake:

You embody the following that my dad taught me:

"We cry at funerals for one of two reasons. Either because of all the things we used to do and cannot do any more or for all the things we should have done and never got around to. Be sure you cry for the first and not the second."\

My hat is off to you.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by Dan in Pasadena

I intend to THOROUGHLY enjoy myself from this point forward. I am trying hard not to let people or their sometimes lame or closed little minds pi$$ me off....we'll see how well I manage that. You guys will probably be the ones that tell me, "I thought you weren't gonna get PO'd Dan!"

We should all live by this. Well said Dan, life is too short.

The measure of success is how you deal with failure. One of my favorite sayings. Everyone gets dealt a bad hand from time to time, it's how you deal with the situation that determines your happiness in life.

[The Gaijin]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

They've all passed now, each one of them. Glad I got pictures of them.

Was between jobs 15 years ago. Made friends with a bunch of these old timers at the local coffee shop. Old School WWII guys. But at that age - they we dropping off - one by one.