Dr Laura - women share blame for cheating husbands

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 05:22 AM

Is it wrong that I agree with her?

“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he’s very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,” the popular psychologist and radio personality said.

“The cheating was his decision to repair what’s damaged and to feed himself where he’s starving,” Schlessinger replied. “But, yes, I hold women responsible for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love and kindness and respect and attention they need.”

I've always liked her for not being PC and speaking her mind. All here:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23575221/

URY914 · URY914's Garage

I agree with her. Now how do I show this to my wife w/o her getting pissed?

Macroni · Macroni's Garage

Simplified and a bit pre-historic........but brave!

notfarnow · 03-12-2008, 05:30 AM

Makes sense... and works both ways

Flatbutt1 · 03-12-2008, 05:32 AM

True to a degree but no one person can meet all of someone else's needs.

legion · 05:37 AM

I always try to hold the person who actually takes the action responsible, but yes, things are rarely done in a vacuum.

On the other hand, I know of men (and women, for that matter) that would cheat on their SO, no matter how well they were treated.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 05:35 AM

I can't say I actually BLAME the wife for the action, but I do think they share in the cause for it.

legion · 03-12-2008, 05:37 AM

Exactly Matt.

Buckterrier · 03-12-2008, 05:53 AM

I have no figures but I'd say cheating is 95% sexual probably more? Personally I feel it's biology. Some can control it while others can't. Some men just want/need more than one woman. The same with some men wanting younger women. Women lose the ability to bare children, well most. Isn't it in all creatures to perpetuate the species? So we search for younger women.
Is it in our genes or in our jeans??

jjone20 · jjone20's Garage

Dr. Laura has been saying this for a long time, bless her. But it probably won't carry much weight. In my own case (26+ years before the mast), I can't tell you the last time I had satisfying relations. Not that everything has been tried to boost the interest of my partner. Only my sense of loyalty keeps me from mis-behaving. That and I can't find anyone willing to wear a bunny costume. Seriously, it gets to be a lonely life. I don't like to play the blame game, but Schlesinger's take is a refreshing validation for the emptiness I feel.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 06:07 AM

jjone, sadly I'd say that happens a lot in marriage. Many women seem to believe that I do = I don't.

Joeaksa · 03-12-2008, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

I can't say I actually BLAME the wife for the action, but I do think they share in the cause for it.

Totally agree!

Said it before and will say it again... if the husband or wife is happy at home, they are not going to go outside of the marriage for sex, or anything else for that matter.

Its a partnership and as such they both share in the good and bad when something like this happens.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 06:13 AM

I love how somebody gave this thread 5 stars. This is like group therapy for the married guys.

jjone20 · jjone20's Garage

"Line on the left, one cross each." I've read many of the posts on PPOT and of course looked at the girlfriends in "random pics". While my nature is to be envious of the guys with the free-wheeling lifestlyes, I have two great daughters that would be hurt by any tawdry, cheap, trashy affair with some skinny 30-something blonde in a bunny suit. There's just something missing - and self medication is a dead end.

Steve Carlton · 03-12-2008, 07:40 AM

Can't say I agree with Dr. Laura, or a lot of stuff I've heard her say when I've caught her on the radio. Not getting treated like a king at home isn't an excuse to break a marriage vow. That's where the line is being crossed. And what is the cause for not getting treated like a king at home? It boils down to a two-way street in a marriage to put an effort into making things work and being happy. This same logic would put men partly to blame for their wives having affairs for not being supportive or attentive enough at home. Men and women have to put in the effort to deserve to be treated well. That is not a given.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 07:45 AM

Steve, I agree. I think the point was that if your spouse is meeting your needs, you won't even think of straying. This of course varies, as some people take their vows more seriously than others. It absolutely applies to both men and women.

Superman · 03-12-2008, 07:51 AM

I was in a marriage that was verbally and emotionally abusive. For about a quarter-century, I and a number of other people tried to tell her that men NEED to feel successful. Criticism doesn't work. Men are very vulnerable to manipulation in this way. If the wife refuses to manipulate him in this way, someone else will be able to do this easily. Men sometimes even know they are being manipulated by praise. And that's okay. What's not okay is to allow him to believe he is not appreciated.

Women need to be appreciated also. It all comes down to communication.

Steve Carlton · 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Steve, I agree. I think the point was that if your spouse is meeting your needs, you won't even think of straying. This of course varies, as some people take their vows more seriously than others. It absolutely applies to both men and women.

I guess I misunderstood. I thought you were agreeing with Dr. Laura that women are partly to blame for men cheating. How did I get that wrong based on your first post and thread title? I also think some men and women are so selfish that they'll cheat anyway.

I forgot to mention in my earlier post that discovering your spouse is cheating is the most hurtful, damaging thing that can happen in a marriage. It's extremely hard, if not impossible, to overcome. I wouldn't have the heart to do that to my wife and wouldn't want to find out about it being done to me. My attitude is, if the marriage can't be made to work, get a divorce and move on.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-12-2008, 08:17 AM

Steve, I think that was essentially what Dr Laura is saying. Obviously that men make the choice, but that a lack of something in their marriage is part of their motivation. I don't think she is trying to justify cheating. I agree that it goes both ways, both men and women need to have their needs met.

berettafan · 03-12-2008, 09:07 AM

It's not an excuse, but it is most certainly reality in many cases. Hate to say it but i agree with the woman.

Of course this doesn't apply to the folks who are going to run around regardless and there are plenty of them.

I don't know why many guys are afraid to be honest about physical attraction being soooo important even after the rings are exchanged. I am NEVER afraid to tell my wife the reason i asked her out the first time was her tits. It's why i was happy to pay for movies, dinners, etc. on a high school budget, at least initially. Turns out she's a smart girl and thinks for herself so I continued to date her. I married her because i love her and respect her intelligence AND she has nice tits. For me ALL of that needs to be present for a real relationship and a healthy marriage.

Men don't get married to look at a pig every morning when they wake up and they don't get married to jo in the shower every day because their wife won't put out. A man can have that for free!