Road Rage: How do you say "I'm sorry"?

[Hendog]

I caused a road rage incident the other day: We have a gesture to tell someone off, but we need a gesture to say “I’m sorry” or “my bad” or some such thing. This would help diffuse many road rage incidents I think.

It all started when I turned west onto Marine way, while the oncoming car also turned west onto Marine way. That’s easy enough to do, since we each signaled our intentions and had our respective lanes to turn into. Nonetheless it happened in a rather aggressive fashion I thought, from his part, since we both knew we were now headed into a merge to access the bridge. I didn’t allow him to merge in front of me but rather accelerated to keep him from achieving what he was desperately trying to do. Yes, I did it on purpose and I accept that responsibility. He was a cab driver and I figured I just wasn’t going to let his aggressive (my opinion on that) turn take precedence. Had I just driven regularly, he would have easily made it in front of me and crossed the bridge without any inconvenience to me. I did it. I was being a p***k.

So this caused him to get “raged”. He pulled up on my a$$, went around me and hit his brakes and was gesturing etc. BTW, I was driving my 4 door Accord (not the 911). I really wasn’t feeling to good about what I just caused and didn’t like seeing this guy all worked up like that. I was truly sorry to have caused this guy such angst. I wish there was a way to make him understand that. He rolled down his window to yell at me etc. So I pulled over to the side of the road ahead of him and let him come to my window. I gauged his body language and kept inside my vehicle so as to show no aggression on my part. He told me how I should have let him in etc. I said to him: “You know what buddy? I’m sorry.” Which immediately diffused this guy “That’s all I needed” he said. I extended my hand and he shook it and off we went.

Talking to others afterwards, we all had stories about being at fault, whether deliberate or not, and not being able to communicate our regret effectively. You try to make a gesture to show you’re sorry but nothing conveys it effectively the same way the “bird” conveys displeasure. It would go a long way to reducing some road rage incidents. I know, I know, so would driving responsibly. A wave seems too much like indifference; the peace sign seems too much like the offended party needs to chill but no acceptance of responsibility of the offender. I wish there was a universal gesture to convey “sorry, my bad”.

[Z-man]

My $0.42:

1. I would NEVER have done what you did. You never know if the enraged guy has a gun or weapon on him. Then again, I live in NJ, so it's almost expected that the folks with NY plates are carrying...

2. In the past, when I goofed and someone got their panties in a bunch due to my driving, I would simply hold my hands up, palms up and I would mouth the word, "Sorry" as he or she drove by. For the most part, that does the trick.

-Z

[Rikao4]

DON"T ever pull over after aggression is on the table..
no matter how sorry you are..you can gauge all you want,
folks are crazy out there..
most of the time it doesn't end with everyone slappin high five, and kumbyaa
Rika

[cgarr]

I just give um one of these and hit the gas!

[Uber-fanatic]

Kudos to you...i think a 'forgive me' gesture is an good idea considering most of the drivers surrounding me here in LA DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH!!

[Christien]

Well, I think it's good advice not to pull over when someone's pissed off, but really, you don't live in Harlem, do you? I think it was not only good of you to do so, but also really good of the other driver to say "that's all I needed" and accept the apology and move on. No BS macho crap, just a simple apology and acceptance. Maybe if more people acted like this on a daily basis, there'd be less stress in our lives.

[URY914]

Just raise your gun and wave.

[Jims5543]

I agree, I guess the best forgive me gesture would be to forgive the next guy that pisses YOU off.

I have made some mistakes here and there, not seeing a car in my blind spot during a lane change etc..

The best thing I could think to do is when someone does something stupid in front of or to me I just let it pass and not get caught up in it.

[IROC]

Actually I read years ago that there is an "I'm sorry" sign in this situation - or at least European drivers use a sign in this situation. It evidently looks like a peace sign - the standard index-and-middle finger in the classic "V" sign.

Anyone else ever heard of this?

The problem, of course, is that if the person you're signalling doesn't understand the signal, it's worthless...

[72doug2,2S]

Originally Posted by IROC

Actually I read years ago that there is an "I'm sorry" sign in this situation - or at least European drivers use a sign in this situation. It evidently looks like a peace sign - the standard index-and-middle finger in the classic "V" sign.

Anyone else ever heard of this?

The problem, of course, is that if the person you're signalling doesn't understand the signal, it's worthless...

Are you joking? Do that with your palm facing you and you've just said "Piss Off". Sounds a little dangerous.

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by Rikao4

DON"T ever pull over after aggression is on the table..
no matter how sorry you are..you can gauge all you want,
folks are crazy out there..
most of the time it doesn't end with everyone slappin high five, and kumbyaa
Rika

+1, you don't know who it is getting out of that car or what they have in their hand. Could have been the last mistake you ever made. Shrug your shoulders and say "sorry"( lo siento if you are in California)

[onewhippedpuppy]

Friendly wave and a sheepish smile......then gas it and get the hell out of there.

[Hendog]

I understand all the concern about stopping. I did that with great reservation and a watchful eye on the guy coming out of the vehicle. I kept an eye on him, my doors locked, window partly open and he kept his distance and his hands empty and visible, while I kept my car at the ready to "go". I figured cab drivers put up with enough BS, he didn't need me to start his day off like that; frankly neither did I. All that said, I know it was risky. My RCMP friend said the same when I told him about it.

Now, what's that universal sign for "it's my fault"?

[imcarthur]

Originally Posted by Z-man

I would simply hold my hands up, palms up and I would mouth the word, "Sorry" as he or she drove by. For the most part, that does the trick.

This has worked for me.

Ian

[Rikao4]

Mensch, stop with the guilt already, you drive a P...this means your a prick. Everyone knows and expects this behavior from you /us. Courtesy, and you first is so yesterday. [/COLOR]Rika

[DanielDudley]

Originally Posted by Z-man

My $0.42:

1. I would NEVER have done what you did. You never know if the enraged guy has a gun or weapon on him. Then again, I live in NJ, so it's almost expected that the folks with NY plates are carrying...

2. In the past, when I goofed and someone got their panties in a bunch due to my driving, I would simply hold my hands up, palms up and I would mouth the word, "Sorry" as he or she drove by. For the most part, that does the trick.

-Z

Of course ! The old palms up trick, eh Chief. A big plus one.

[vash]

i did this same thing to a low-rider. driven by a bunch of VERY ANGRY women. i grabbed the spot first, and the chicks just went ballistic. they pulled up next to me at a light and just started yelling and giving me the finger. after i looked them over to see if any of them were hot....Nope...i rolled down my window and said, " really sorry to have pissed you off.., but really..how much did i affect you? i dont think you even needed to touch your brakes. did you?"

pure silence from the ladies (used loosely), then the driver said, "no, but you did piss me off" then they just drove off. i stayed next to them for awhile but without anymore excitement... i do not flipp people off anymore. life is sucky enough without being surrounded by anger.

[on2wheels52]

I was pretty happy when the woman got wide eyes and put her hand over her mouth when she was half-way into making a left turn in front of me before she stopped. Got the front to squeal on the KLR.
Jim

[Uber-fanatic]

Originally Posted by Rikao4

Mensch, stop with the guilt already, you drive a P...this means your a prick. Everyone knows and expects this behavior from you /us. Courtesy, and you first is so yesterday.

He said he was in his Accord...

[Hendog]

Originally Posted by DanielDudley

Of course ! The old palms up trick, eh Chief. A big plus one.

Yep, the Z-man Palms up sounds right to me. But try to convince those who find fault in everything to endorse taking both hands off the wheel for this gesture