Parenting dilemma...

[vash]

damn idiot chem teacher!

i think i would have your kid do some work and come up with all the back up docs. there has to be a paper trail. then get her to present the arguement. you just let her know that you have her back. if she triumphs over the idiot, then the lesson would be priceless. you are not going to come to her rescue everytime. she sounds like she is ahead of the learning curve anyways. if the chem idiot refuses to hear logical explanations, then you step in and drop the other foot.

[the]

That sucks! That thing about grading 1 paper and giving the rest 100% seems downright bizarre. The school is ok with that?

I agree with above, is there no paper trail, supporting documents, drafts, etc.? She didn't show the paper to anyone? No one saw here turn it in? Who did she turn it in to?

[Seahawk]

Your daughter reminds me of my 15 year-old daughter, Arden...very smart and thoughtful. She hasn't faced this type of dilemma in school but has in her equestrian pursuits.

Don't step in, guide and support from a distance...hard as it may sound, she'll learn more about herself and the inevitable idiotic squalls of life from working this through on her own.

[nostatic]

isn't the semester almost over?

Very difficult to "beat" a bitter, crappy teacher. I'd be supportive of your daughter and you can try to talk to the teacher, but the reality is that this might be a good "learning opportunity" for your daughter - some people in positions of power are unreasonable jerks. What better time to learn the necessary skills of having backup documentation and CYA. Sad, but such is the reality of the world. I wish I'd learned a little earlier that people do stupid things for the wrong reasons and it has nothing to do with me. Like the co-worker who tried to dress me down in a meeting earlier today. I know his dad is in the hospital and he's taking it out on me. No biggie. Your daughter will go on to great things...this teacher will likely still be bitter. She'll get through it and move on but he'll still be stuck. She wins in the long run.

[Moses]

The first reaction when someone makes my baby girl cry is RAGE. Gotta get over that. I'm certainly willing to go the distance for her on this, but I guess I should ask her how far she wants me to take it.

If I request a meeting, I'll ask that the principal join us. I don't want to be misrepresented at a later time.

[nostatic]

important HR rule - ALWAYS have at least 3 people in the room

[aap1966]

Moses,
My daughter also has an idiot teacher. The teacher makes her political views very clear, and if the kids don't agree with her, then they obviously aren't "learning" and get marked down.
My daughter is 11.

We told our daughter that some people are just idiots, and sometimes those idiots will be in a position of authority. My daughter was to never give the teacher a legitimate excuse to rebuke her, but, if pressed, was always to stand her ground.
We told her that we would understand if her report was down this year, but the fact the teacher is a fool is no excuse to slacken off.

Bloody frustrating , but will not affect which High School she gets into so we're chalking it up to "Character Building".

[nostatic]

more importantly, are the moms of the other two girls in the pic cute and single?

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by Moses

The first reaction when someone makes my baby girl cry is RAGE. Gotta get over that. I'm certainly willing to go the distance for her on this, but I guess I should ask her how far she wants me to take it.

If I request a meeting, I'll ask that the principal join us. I don't want to be misrepresented at a later time.

One good thing about being a professional (rightly or wrongly) is you do not come across as some yahoo crazy parent. I had a bit of a similar situation but with an attendance zone issue and I approached the principal respectfully emphasizing I was not trying to tell her how to run her school and she said she could not help me with the problem. I "semi" asked permission if she would mind if I discussed the matter with the superintendant. I say "semi" because I was going to the superintendant regardless, but I couched it in terms of understanding she was trying to do her job and perhaps didn't have the authority to make the decision I needed. I never got angry or hostile. Thanked her for her time and efforts but understood her position.

A 10 minute cordial meeting with the superintendant and I had the relief I wanted. I complimented the superintendant's principal for her professionalism.

Of course, had I not gotten what I wanted I may not have been so cordial.

In any event, if I were in your shoes I'd likely start out by acknowledging to the teacher that his class has been an academic challenge for your daughter in a way that could be construed as complimentary (...or not). Leave yourself enough leeway to go medieval on his azz later if you don't get what you want.

[Don Plumley]

The Japanese in me agrees with the "there's only x weeks left"; "success is the best revenge"; etc. viewpoint. I'm not much of a boat rocker.

The rest of me knows that a bad grade has implications on college admission; there's value in standing up when you know you have been wronged; there's a lesson in case this happens again in College.

So I'm torn.

If you had more evidence from other students about the irrational behavior, I'd be inclined to have a chat with the Principal and Super. There is nothing you can do to change the Teacher's attitude or behavior - but you can save another group of kids from this arbitrary power-monger.

[Superman]

Moses, you have my highest respect. That was the case before you helped me through a difficult time during the months leading up to my granddaughter's birth. That girl is a charmer BTW, and as healthy as any kid ever was.

Here is my input. First, no matter what you do your daughter has set herself up for a certain victory. Regardless of what happens with her current Chemistry class, she will enjoy extraordinary success. This poor excuse for a Chemistry teacher is of no consequence.

Except that he stepped on the wrong toes this time. I suspect you will do something and here is my best advice. Don't follow the Thermonuclear War model that some have suggested here. At least, not initially. These things are more like a bullfight than a duel. Make an appointment to see the teacher. Take your daughter with you (assuming she can suffer the emotional roller coaster that will be). And take a friend. A third party witness who will be willing to also come to your (if necessary) subsequent meeting with the Principal.

Lay the groundwork first. Announce that the purpose of the meeting is fact-finding. Mention that a large homework assignment is missing. Your daughter does not have possession of it. She has never, ever failed to turn in a homework assignment. She is up late studying each evening, and up early the next morning for that same purpose. She is quite upset. She has never lied. Her grades are straight "A"s. She reports turning the assignment in. You hope the people in the room right now can either find the assignment or at least find a remedy for this tragedy. If not, then the right people to solve the problem are not yet in the room.

Then ask questions. Take notes and have your friend take notes. Stay calm. If a resolution does not come fairly quickly, then broaden your questions. Ask about how grades are determined. What are the components of the grade? How are the assignments graded? Who grades them? Are all homework assignments graded, or are they spot-graded. (here, you are circling in on his interesting practice of assigning arbitrary grades and demeaning students one at a time). Ask if homework assignments are returned to the students. "And so.....if I ask other students whether they have received all their homework assignments back, they will report that these assignments are reliably returned?" This last line of questioning happens only if a resolution looks like it will not happen. At that point you will be asking hard questions in preparation for your meeting with the Principal. Indeed, if your daughter has a friend whose homework assignment has also turned up missing, it would be nice to have her in the meeting also, if allowed. Make this guy solve the problem. Stay calm. When the meeting is not, and can no longer be, productive.....draw the meeting to an abrupt but cordial end and excuse yourself, thanking him for his time. Walk straight to the Principal's office and make that appointment.

Deal with the Principal in much the same way. If the gloves need to come off, it is the Superintendent who sees the bare knuckles, and the school board. If your state has a Superintendent of Public Instruction, that office should be copied right after the Principal fails to get resolution.

But again, your best bet is with the teacher. Without making threats or displaying disrespect, make him feel certain that getting this resolved in Meeting #1 will be BY FAR the easiest course of action for him. BY FAR. Your daughter's sterling academic performance to date can and would withstand this disappointing experience......but it won't have to. Because it will get resolved. Make sure he understands that part. This will get resolved. The only mystery is how many people will it take. That of course sounds too much like a threat, but he needs to be sure that the matter gets resolved in his office......or it continues through a series of additional meetings where his dirty laundry gets hung for all to see.

Indeed, perhaps if the meeting is not successful, hand him your card and ask if he would have the Principal call you to make another appointment. Thank him for his time and make a beeline for your car.

[Tobra]

Originally Posted by Laneco

Solid advice. Even if it goes down badly and she winds up with the lower grade, he can only make her xxx miserable in the next 3-7 weeks. You standing up for her and escalating it when needed will be worth more to her than any A/B/C the wacko could hand out.

Go to the mat on this one Moses.
angela

what she said

PS, Angela, I am going to kill you and take that damn flat six 550 in your avatar, that is my ultimate car

excellent advice from Superman and Dueller on this on, which is no surprise, considering their respective areas of expertise.

Stay calm and in control, do what you have to do to accomplish this, rub one out right before, work out on the heavy/punching bag. Too bad this happened in California. That Chem teacher would be harder to fire than a Supreme Court Justice.

[KFC911]

Originally Posted by Moses

The first reaction when someone makes my baby girl cry is RAGE. Gotta get over that. I'm certainly willing to go the distance for her on this, but I guess I should ask her how far she wants me to take it.
....

I'm not one, but can spot a fantastic parent from a mile away! A couple of my philosophies: "pick your battles carefully", and "don't sweat the little stuff". I know that's easy to say when it's not my "baby girl", but she's already learned a valuable multi-faceted lesson that's far more important than the chemistry grade will ever be. "If" this is a battle that you choose to fight...then you've received some excellent advice already (not that YOU need it). Go to him, around him, over him (or through him) and bring the power tripping bastard to his knees. He doesn't stand a chance considering whose kid he 'effed with this time around

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by gassy

Set up an appt with the teacher--alone...I've done this and it has worked --they hate being one on one with a parent--
c

Better yet, ask the district superintendent to sit in. I mean, there are some serious problems here with this 'teacher." "Get used to it" is not how it works.

[Moses]

Great news. My daughter found her missing assignment. It was graded by the teacher. When I got home Anna was studying as usual. I asked her to take a break. She told me she wanted to get as much work done as she could before "Top Gear" comes on. How cool is that?

[gprsh924]

Its great that she loves the hard work, but I have a lot of friends like her that worried too much about school and as a result put way too much pressure on themselves and feel way too much stress about school. It isn't always going to be so easy. Yes I was in every AP and Honors class in high school and none of it has ever compared to college. She needs to learn to relax, have fun, and not take school quite so deathly serious. Otherwise she will make herself sick if there is ever a point where she isn't getting 100%, as you have somewhat seen with this situation where she cried over school work.

Just some advice from a 20 year old college sophomore who recently went through all of that. YMMV

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Moses

Great news. My daughter found her missing assignment. It was graded by the teacher. When I got home Anna was studying as usual. I asked her to take a break. She told me she wanted to get as much work done as she could before "Top Gear" comes on. How cool is that?

Moses, that's good.

Just curious, who had it? Your daughter or the teacher?

[Moses]

Originally Posted by gprsh924

Its great that she loves the hard work, but I have a lot of friends like her that worried too much about school and as a result put way too much pressure on themselves and feel way too much stress about school. It isn't always going to be so easy. Yes I was in every AP and Honors class in high school and none of it has ever compared to college. She needs to learn to relax, have fun, and not take school quite so deathly serious. Otherwise she will make herself sick if there is ever a point where she isn't getting 100%, as you have somewhat seen with this situation where she cried over school work.

Just some advice from a 20 year old college sophomore who recently went through all of that. YMMV

It's a real concern, no doubt. I'm trying to talk her into a lighter load next year. This has been a grueling year for her. There's really no need to grind so hard in high school.

[Gogar]

So the teacher graded it and forgot to make note, and then blamed it on YOUR BABY GIRL and told her "too bad"?

I'm sending you a Louisville Slugger FedEx along with this coffee.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by Gogar

So the teacher graded it and forgot to make note, and then blamed it on YOUR BABY GIRL and told her "too bad"?

I'm sending you a Louisville Slugger FedEx along with this coffee.

I'm not sure. Moses post was ambiguous.

I'm curious as to the answer.

As a father with a "Daddies Girl" it bothered me. Thought about it for the rest of the day.

Based on some of the other antics this guy pulls I almost feel like he may have done this on purpose.

If he consistently picks on one kid it becomes obvious, "spreading it around" keeps him off the radar.

This guy could have a serious mental imbalance. His behavior sounds sadistic and psychotic and as a parent I'd be looking to get his a55 out of that school as fast as possible.