Wife says no to motorcycle

[HardDrive]

Why am I so angry about this?

My wife and I have an annual argument about me having a motorcycle. I am sure we are not alone in this practice.

I drove a bike when I was younger, prior to being married.

Nothing unique about the argument we have. She is concerned about my safety.

Why does this piss me off so much? I'm not looking for arguments to convince my wife. I want to know why it digs at me so hard when she says no. I don't disagree with her, I think bikes are dangerous. So why does it feel like such a kick in the nuts when she says no? The logic and the gut are not connecting here.

I want a god damn bike. We have had the same argument for years. Why?

Simple answer to this is just to go buy the bike and live with the fall out. I could do that. But I would rather dig into why it is SO ***** important me.

Help me doc!

[m21sniper]

Man buys motorcycle anyway.

[rattlsnak]

Sounds like a control issue. I know because I have one also..

Just think, if she tells you yes, then its your decsion to get one, not her telling you, you cant get one. If you decide not to get one, then all is good.

[jyl]

Motorcycle = symbol of freedom, of fun, of youth, of manhood.

No motorcycle = symbol of castration.

I have a Vespa. So by that equation, I am probably missing 1.5 testicles.

[dtw]

Mine wants one, I am indifferent. Trade?

[Dottore]

I'm guessing this has nothing to do with the motorcycle.

[RWebb]

"She is concerned about my safety."

Well, she is right. I used to have people try to run me off the road - much less not realize I existed.

Of course, if you climb K2, that isn't 'safe' either. Collect the statistics on m/c deaths & injuries and compare with other things that she does "let" you do.

BTW, does she ever use a cell phone while driving????

The answers to the above may tell you to go buy one and stick it in a storage unit. You can drive to the unit, park the car and take off on the bike. Swap back and then go home. After you do that for 30 years you can ask her if it was safe...

[the]

Why do you have to ask permission to buy something?

[Evans, Marv]

My wife was afraid for me to get a bike also, but she is (I guess) much more agreeable when I sort of insist. Before I bought mine, I talked off and on about getting one for awhile - like 4 months. When I decided energy prices were definitely going to increase (around the end of last year), I told her it would pay for itself over time compared to feeding my truck. At the end, I gave her the choice of either getting a new car for her or me buying a bike. Luckily she said she didn't need/want a new car. So I bought a bike.
Sometimes it's upsetting when somebody else is limiting your actions/decisions when you feel they don't have any basis or experience to make the decision.
Good luck.

[TWork]

My wife has a girlfriend that recently became a widow. Her husband purchased a GSX-R750 and within a week went over a guardrail to the concrete 50 feet below. He left behind a 3 1/2 year old daughter. In contrast, my dad rode motorcyles my whole childhood without incident. Motorcycles never had my draw for me as a younger person. Maybe it's was just the self awareness to know that I personally didn't have the maturity to keep my use of the power of a bike in check.

I see folks doing crazy things on bikes all the time -- wheelies, white-lining in tight quarters or well above the flow of traffic, etc. There are a lot of folks out there who are out riding their skill level. Not saying you're one of those folks. But, probably worthwhile to think about why you want a bike, do you have the self control to operate it safely, and are their other outlets that might serve the same purpose, etc.

Regardless, early in my marriage I brought home a new car without consulting my wife. Bad times (and I was an a$$ for doing it). :-)

[svandamme]

my cat once gave me grief over something
i putz the garden hose on it, and i carried on doing what i wanted to do

maybe that works on wives too? with a bigger hose maybe?

[island911]

But a bicycle is okay? --bad brakes, no acceleration, no horn, signals, mirrors...


hmmmm....

[JavaBrewer]

I skirted the issue by showing up with a bike unannounced... It took a day or so for things to calm down.

When the wife was still a girlfriend I was racing road bikes (bicycles). She also knows I had a substantial past with dirt bikes. Combine that with a generally non daredevil personality and she put up with the bike. Of course every time I suited up for a ride she would lay on the "Your riding your motorcycle...please be careful..." mini guilt trip.

Only you know the dynamics of your marriage but I guarantee a bike ain't worth marital problems/divorce. No way.

[Nathans_Dad]

I've kicked around the idea of a bike, the wife says no because of safety. Being a doctor, I can't really argue with her. I've seen way too many people become organ donors because of motorcycles.

I guess to me, I can have a pretty good time with a car and there's a lot more sheet metal around you.

I don't skydive or swim with sharks either.

[Rick Lee]

That's why I'm so happy I bought my bike before I got married. I had a checklist of toys I wanted and things I wanted to do before I got married. Took me a while, but I got through that list and then it was time to settle down. I love my wife and my bike.

[HardDrive]

Did I mention my wife is a doctor, and did her residency in Milwaukee? Every weekend the ER was filled with drunk jerks on their Harleys who had lost a limb showing off.

I understand where she is coming from.

But my feelings won't go away. I DO feel like I am being 'castrated' somehow by it. Trust me, I have put more energy into analysing this than I want to admit.

I just want an ***** bike. I don't care if I only haul it around the neighborhood for jolly once in while. But she has pullled out every stop. Basically if I get a bike, she has make it clear that I have tossed her opinon in the trash, and I am a jerk.

A couple of type A personalitys in this house? Yup.

Thank you for the reponses. I probably should not be posting this ****. But I doubt I'm the first guy to have this issue......

[stuartj]

Get a Harley Davidson.

The perfect solution.

[RWebb]

Ask her about a Vespa.

An MD wife is not gonna retreat on the issue, but there may be some latitude.

She knows she's right. So do you. The only issue is how safe do you have to be.

[the]

I guess it's a dynamic I don't fully understand.

Have you ever had motorcycles before, or are you a newbie? Maybe that's a difference. I've ridden since I was 16 (long before I met my wife).

There are also, it seems to me, some trust and judgment issues involved. Yes, there are some inherent dangers in motorcycling, but she must not fully trust your judgment. If you tell her you just want an old bike to tinker on in the garage, and ride around the neighborhood on a Saturday morning, and she still "forbids" it, there's something going on there that I don't understand. She either doesn't trust you when you say that, or thinks very little of your judgment and skill in riding a motorcycle. Or she's extremely paranoid and/or controlling.

Of course, there's also the whole "says no" thing, too. A mother "says no" to her son getting a motorcycle. That's a mother, not a wife.

That being said, my wife certainly didn't like when I had motorcycles, esp. after the kids were born. But she would not say "You can't get a motorcycle." She would not expect that to work out very well, because that's not the kind of guy she would ever be attracted to. Some wives get off on controlling their husbands, I think.

(That also being said, I don't have motorcycles anymore. They're too dangerous!)

[Nathans_Dad]

Originally Posted by HardDrive

But my feelings won't go away. I DO feel like I am being 'castrated' somehow by it. Trust me, I have put more energy into analysing this than I want to admit.

I just want an ***** bike.

Why do you feel castrated? Would you feel more manly if you owned a motorcycle or do you just feel castrated because it is something your wife says you "can't" have?

Any alternatives? What about a track car?

Again, to me, I just thought about it and decided that I didn't NEED a bike. In fact, I thought having a bike would be cool, but in all honesty it would probably scare the ***** out of me. I've seen too many people come through the ER after riding a motorcycle.

Why is this item such a big deal for you? I think if you answer that question you'll be 90% to solving your problem. Either a) you can decide the bike isn't really worth it or b) you'll have a much better reason to explain to your wife why you MUST have a motorcycle.