Marriage

legion · 04-01-2009, 06:22 AM

I keep hearing news reports that less than half of all adults ever get married and that marriage is no longer the norm.

That completely conflicts with my personal experience. I attend 3-4 weddings a year and most of my friends are married or planning on getting married. No one in my circle of friends or family is in a long-term relationship and doesn't plan on getting married. No one in my circle of friends or family has had a kid our of wedlock.

My question is this, in your circle of friends and family, is marriage the norm or the exception?

slakjaw · 04-01-2009, 06:25 AM

I dont know where these stats come from. Out my my group of friends I am the only one who is not married

onewhippedpuppy · 04-01-2009, 06:29 AM

The norm. I went through a 5 year span where it seemed like I went to 5 weddings every year. The few friends that aren't married are still wired that way, it just hasn't happened for them yet. I only have one friend that I could see staying single by choice, by his own admission he's not sure if he wants to give up his independence.

Pazuzu · 04-01-2009, 06:33 AM

You guys need to find some funner friends

Marriage seems to be an anomaly among my friends. Many of us had our starter marriage, and don't want to go through that again. Some are in long term relationships, and don't feel the need to "prove it" to the rest of the world. Some are sowing their wild oats, many are working on careers first (lots of that). Then, lots of us get to be around 35, like berrettafan, and realize that having children becomes a riskier proposition, as he are dealing with. So, they decide to not have kids, and if you don't have kids, and two strong careers, and have lived together/share credit/own a home and cars, but aren't married...well, why bother getting married? If you're going to have kids, then yes, go forward with that. But, if you're going to be DINKS, then what changes really between being married or not?

That's where Sue and I seem to be right now. 35/36, pretty much have written off kids, two strong busy careers, buying a house next year, been together for 5 years, both married and divorced pretty early with no baggage from that...why bother too much about a ring at that point? It won't change our life, or the way we live it.

onewhippedpuppy · 04-01-2009, 06:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pazuzu

You guys need to find some funner friends

When you're married with kids, and your friends are married with kids, getting the kids together is just a great excuse to drink beer with your friends.

Heel n Toe · 04-01-2009, 06:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

No one in my circle of friends or family has had a kid out of wedlock.

Chris, you just need to hang out with more people who know how to work the system... some couples remain single by choice to get the bennies.

Not that the following is an example of someone who is "hiding" a husband, but... it happens all the time...

Yahoo Answers

What government benefits can a single mother/full time student receive?

Kaia's mommy: i keep on hearing about "all these benefits" you can get if your a single parent and full time student but all i know of is WIC and food stamps. does anyone have experience with this?

here's my situation if it helps
, i live with my mom, she supports me financially (but shes going through a divorce and has two other kids to take care of and really cant afford it) i'm going to college full time (tuition is paid for by a scholarship) i'm a single parent (my daughter is almost 3 months old) i'm still working on getting child support from the dad, and i cant work b/c i dont have a car. at first i was contributing with my savings but now thats running out and $ is TIGHT!

laura b.: Go to your local department of human services and fill out the form for food stamps and medical for your child. You will recieve benefits only if you tell them that you live seperately from your mother , (you pay her rent to live there, you eat seperately, and so forth) otherwise they will count her income with yours and you might not recieve any benefits. A little white lie never hurts and as long as you and your mother don't tell anyone you will never have problems. I have done it and so have others. It's easier than you think. They will automatically sign you up for wic..

aljea: Okay well if you apply for foodstamps and especially if you apply for welfare then they will automatically open a child support order for you. So they do all that work for you and its much quicker. If you are on welfare you will also be given free or mostly free childcare to go to school. If you dont get welfare there is state funded preschool programs you can ask the food stamp office about or call 2-1-1 or there is also head start preschools. You can get wic too. All these programs you can get even though you live with your mom, just tell wic you prepare your food separate since your mom cant help you out.

Also you can fill out the FAFSA at school to get financial aid and a fee waiver for tuition and talk to the financial aid office because many states if you fill it out early enough in the year there are other state grants you can get. Try scholarships too. Also where I live they have EOPS that gives book vouchers and gas vouchers/bus passes and if on welfare give meal vouchers for the school cafe as well, it might be the same at your school. Also there should be a re-entry program which may have additional funds for single parents even though you aren't a re-entry person.

Lets see... oh also call 2-1-1 for other community resources for help with food, clothes, gas vouchers/bus passes, utility/rental assistance for your mom, etc. Also look on craigslist or freecycle for free or cheap baby items...there are lots of nice people on those sites.

hun dont worry about working right now full time school and a baby is enough. If you can though and have the transportation then go for it.

________________
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20081122054407AAaBbN0

onewhippedpuppy · 04-01-2009, 06:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe

Chris, you just need to hang out with more people who know how to work the system... some couples remain single by choice to get the bennies.

........that is incredibly pathetic. Those are the people I choose NOT to hang out with.

legion · 04-01-2009, 06:50 AM

I see, so our proclivity to punish success and reward failure at an individual level has unintentionally created a culture where people strive to be as unsuccessful as possible to reap the most benefits, paid for by those who are stupid enough to be successful on their own, despite the penalties?

onewhippedpuppy · 04-01-2009, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

I see, so our proclivity to punish success and reward failure at an individual level has unintentionally created a culture where people strive to be as unsuccessful as possible to reap the most benefits, paid for by those who are stupid enough to be successful on their own, despite the penalties?

This isn't anything new.

jyl · jyl's Garage

Any link to those reports you're hearing? Do they say this is a sudden and recent trend?

From CDC 2002 report

By age 30, three-quarters of women in the U.S. have been married and about half have cohabited outside of marriage, according to a comprehensive new report on cohabitation, marriage, divorce, and remarriage released today by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

The probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce within 5 years is 20 percent, but the probability of a premarital cohabitation breaking up within 5 years is 49 percent. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/02news/div_mar_cohab.htm

Pazuzu · 04-01-2009, 06:56 AM

I have some trouble believing that anyone who is cohabitating for 10 years has a 62% chance of breaking up.
I also find the 5 year rate suspect, but that can be explained as "up to 5 years"...I bet the majority of those 49% are within the first 2 years.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by jyl

Any link to those reports you're hearing? Do they say this is a sudden and recent trend?

From CDC 2002 report

[i]By age 30, three-quarters of women in the U.S. have been married

Am I the only one howling in laughter because a report on marriage is done by the CDC?

gprsh924 · 04-01-2009, 07:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nostatic

Am I the only one howling in laughter because a report on marriage is done by the CDC?

Thank you for pointing that out, I'm lmao.

rcecale · rcecale's Garage

I never knew how happy a man could be until I got married. Then it was too late!

Randy

Heel n Toe · 04-01-2009, 07:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

I see, so our proclivity to punish success and reward failure at an individual level has unintentionally created a culture where people strive to be as unsuccessful as possible to reap the most benefits, paid for by those who are stupid enough to be successful on their own, despite the penalties?

I don't know if it was unintentional or intentional, but it is undeniable that a portion of our society is totally comfortable with the idea of being "benefit reapers."

Superman · 04-01-2009, 08:18 AM

I've been divorced five years now, and having a hard time understanding why someone would want to be married.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

As for CDC's report, well, marriage really is the number one cause of divorce.

I was the last one in my clique to get married (at 35) and had no plans to do so before the right woman came along. Well, one other friend from that clique is single and he'll probably end up a 40 yr. old virgin. But he's an anomaly. I certainly have no desire for the life my married friends now have with screaming kids at home, saving for college, changing diapers, scrambling for a babysitter or paying $1200 a month for day care. Everyone tells me you'll love them when they're your own. But I think I probably need to at least no longer hate kids before having my own. I didn't get married to have kids. I did it because I found the right woman and am happier every day than the previous one for it.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

I've been divorced five years now, and having a hard time understanding why someone would want to be married.

because the church tells them to?

oh wait, don't want to send this to parfville...

vash · vash's Garage

you divorced guys. not everyone has a horrible marriage. just like everything in life, you only really know your own perspective. then there is the "sour grapes" thing

i for one never ever thought i would get married...EVER. well, never say never. i did, and so far so good.

now having kids...that is the exception in my circle. NO KIDS! kids ruin everything (in my perspective)

flatbutt · 04-01-2009, 08:46 AM

happily divorced for 20 years now. Yes I am the exception in my social circle. Some married couples are in love, others can't bear to be alone. I'm very set in my ways now and marriage would not work for me unless she was independently wealthy, absolutely no family and in the late stages of some terminal malady.