Is there a tactful way....
 

...to suggest your wife take some driver's ed?

Bless her soul, she's a wonderful woman and I'm truly lucky to have her. But, she is a horrible driver. She watches out for other cars, but is completely oblivious to road surface, and the "edges" of the roads. She doesn't get into collisions with other cars, but she is forever hitting MASSIVE potholes, catching curbs, getting fetched up in driveways. Just recently I was following her home, and despite several signs for construction and bumps, she didn't slow down and went into a construction zone at 100km/hr, going off a 6" lip where the asphalt ends, then hitting the lip where it starts again. Bent 2 wheels. Then this morning I get in the car and it pulls hard to the right and sounds like hell. Every bump is followed by a hard KATHUNK KATHUNK.

This has been going on for ages, and we joke about it pretty light heartedly... but man it gets expensive. We rarely go 3 months without needing an alignment, and we are constantly buying tires, getting front end work done, etc. I have never seen anything like it really. The garage just thinks it's hilarious, and they call me to joke about it when the car is in there.

Lately I've been trying to G E N T L Y point out some habits, like scanning the road for potholes, looking further ahead, choosing a path BEFORE putting it in gear to back up... but it's really tough to have a conversation like that without making her defensive.

I really think she'd benefit from some driver's ed, where a paid instructor could maybe point her in the right direction. I have never breathed a word about it, because I know if I do it wrong, I'll never be able to bring it up again.

Surely someone else out there goes through this. Please, please help me before I just say "screw it" and buy her a $1000 Cavalier.

I've been trying for years do do this tactfully. However, it doesn't work. Nobody, especially my wife, believes that they are a bad driver. I've given up on tact, now I just sit in the passenger seat and scream.

There is no tactful way that will result in her changing her behavior. You've been tactful so far. Where has that got you?

You have to decide if it is more important to you to have her change her behavior or that she not get mad at you, because you can't have both. Women (and yes, I'm generalizing) seem to get very upset when you suggest they are anything less than the definition of perfection. I think it's an insecurity thing.

You could at least start to act pretty irritated the next time she does this. You could start deducting the car repair expenses from other things. (Like the vacation fund.) You could explain to her that getting an alignment every 3 months is not normal. (I get one every 3 years, and I think I'm anal about that kind of stuff.)

Oh we have argued about it, but that doesn't get us anywhere either... hence my attempts to approach it more tactfully.

At one point I told her to imagine that every pothole had a puppy in it, and she had to avoid hitting them. Every time she hit one, I'd tell her that God killed a puppy somewhere. She'd laugh, and that actually did seem to help a bit because we were always joking about it.

But she really isn't watching for them, that's the problem. Potholes, curbs, rocks are just things that "happen", instead of something that's watched for.

I'm starting to wonder if she should just have her own car, and it would be hers to maintain and care for. Could be easier on both of us

Don't know if this will help, but what if you guys went to a Skip Barber type drivers day together?

I plan on doing that with each child so they get great advice from someone other than Dad:cool:

This is exactly what you need to do Jake. First off you won't care as much because you aren't driving the car. Your wife will either be more careful because it is now "her car" or she will continue to drive as she does now. Your only responsibility will be to insure the car is safe to drive.

You are not going to change her driving behavior no matter how you try to talk about it. Accept it and try to find a way around it. Like getting her her own car.

Save your marriage and your sanity and get the Cavalier :)

My wife will cut someone off and then have no idea why some guy raced up beside her to flip her off.

Or I'm driving and I'll swerve to miss a 4x4 timber lying in the road and she'll complain about my erratic driving.

But the best of all was when we were driving through New Mexico in the middle of nowhere and she decides to pass a car on the two lane highway. When she was directly next to the car she was passing, she was also directly next to a highway patrolman sitting on the opposite shoulder, so she passed between the two car at close to 90mph :rolleyes:


I keep trying to get her out to an auto-x and this weekend she agreed, so we'll see how that goes.

I 2nd the cavalier.

Tell her that if she isn't willing to go to a commercial driver's school, you'll cut her off.



You know what I'm talkin' 'bout. :eek:



Now, you've got to be willing to go through with it. This kind of ultimatum is not for the faint of heart.

Don't share a car with her.

Choose her an inexpensive, sturdy car that can hold up to abuse. Used SUVs are cheap now, aren't they? Or a NY taxicab.

Then have her deal with the maintenance and repairs. Make sure she uses your existing shop, so they won't rip her off too much.

Problem solved. Or at least, minimized.

Got a 4x4? Borrow someone's if you don't... Take her to a easy terrain off-road area. Let someone guide her thru driving the vehicle over easy obstacles, ruts, rocks, trees, etc. No stupid stuff, no boony bashing, jumping, crazy side-hilling. Just learn to WATCH the ground and KNOW where the tires are at.


IMHO, driving an off-road vehicle will teach a driver very very quickly to pay attention to where the tires are all all times. They quickly develop a feel for it. This is CHEAP too!

After that, if the improvement isn't dramatic and immediate, get her a Cavalier. And when she breaks it, let her take care of the hassle and $$$ of repairing it.

angela

note to self: do not subscribe to this thread
Jim

Okay, subtlety was never my main attribute:

http://www.discoverychannel.ca/shows/showdetails.aspx?sid=29

Benefits:

1. National recognition
2. She may not win, that would make her feel good
3. She may win, that would make you feel good
4. Going without sex for the next few years will leave you more free time.

Downside:

Can't think of any.

Seriously, play up the pregnancy unborn child safety angle.

You are entering VERY dangerous territory there.

Isn't she pregnant now too? From what I understand, the female species can get quite unpredictable and erratic during the incubation period.

My advice is to be the one who drives when you two are together, and the rest of the time just think of boobs or something else to keep your mind occupied when you see bent rims.

I suggest a truck in your future. A small truck, but with big tall sidewalls.

everytime you ride in the car with her driving, wear your helmet. tact is key here.

I imagine that lasting for about 5 seconds. Of course, if she's pregnant that threat probably won't hold much weight.:(

Buy an SUV with big offroad tires. That way she can just bounce over everything. If she manages to break the SUV, make her pay the repair bills. If you've been taking care of all the repairs, she probably just thinks "no big deal". Make her write a few checks and she might get the point.

Remove all shocks, struts, and springs. Weld in solid bar stock in place so the car has no compliance at all. Even if she runs over an ant it will shake a filling in her teeth loose. After about 2 blocks she will be directing the car AROUND the potholes

Speedy:)

HA - Great idea......All good suggestions above. I'm reading this as my wife is a very slow, careful driver; but just cannot see a situation coming where she needs to take evasive action. She had been in 4 accidents in the past 15 yrs. She sez: Ya, but it wasn't my fault. I say: I could go out about any day of the week and get in an accident that was not my fault!

My solution: I make sure she has a nice car with all the bells and whistles (either Accord or Camry), but it's never a new one. I buy something about 5 years old and keep it another 5 if it lasts that long!

Jake: Look at this this way: At least she hasn't burned a car to the ground like you did; right?

Keep her barefoot/pregnant and in the kitchen (where she belongs)...

OH NO YOU DIT-ENT! :eek:

Subscribing!

My wife also often comments that such and such a situation wouldn't be her fault or that, since we're in America, she'd get rich from the lawsuit. I always ask her if being right or winning a judgment will make her feel better when she's in a wheelchair or permanently maimed. She even walks in front of cars in parking lots with the attitude that they'd never hit her because of the lawsuit. I'm truly worried.

She needs a safe but disposable car that she can be responsible for.

Treat her like a teenager: you don't buy a teen a Ferrari and expect them to preserve it while you're paying all the repair bills.

You're a patient man, I would have put the hammer down from day 1. I think the clinical term is "enabler" actually, be grateful her vice is car destruction and not booze.

You can't be serious.

I am serious. And stop calling me Shirley.

No, she doesn't do it to aggravate people or try to get hit. She's just oblivious to her surroundings. I'm the kind of guy who, when I walk into a restaurant, I sit facing the door, look around for cops or troublemakers, emergency exit, that kind of thing. Riding a motorcycle has also done wonders for my awareness in parking lots. I look for reverse lights, heads in drivers' seats, any kind of movement. My number one rule when around vehicles (after safety) is that no one ever has to wait because of me. I get out of people's way, either on foot or by making my turn as soon as I can. My wife just doesn't know or care that others don't see her or might be waiting for her to make her move.

YES. And yes on the unpredictable too. I am wondering if I can use the preggar angle to my advantage though. Maybe I should take some driver's ed, you know, just to be safe because there's a baby on the way. Hey, maybe we both could brush up on our defensive driving skills.

Well the 4runner has a lot of sidewall, and she has fallen in love with it. It's not on the road yet, but once it's all sewn back together, maybe I can move her towards that thing. It's pretty damn tough, and it wouldn't bother me as much to see it abused.

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1224517697.jpg

Ha ha , it was an accident, I swear!

Is that getting a diesel engine?

Yessiree bob. I was thinking of a benz om617 5cyl, but that swap is pretty convoluted. I have a VW 1.9 TD that will slot right in with a $500 adapter plate, just have to fab engine mounts, cooling & exhaust.

Have to get it rolling first. It moved under its own power again this weekend. Got brake lines & cables in last night. It ain't pretty, but it's stout.

Mrs Notfarnow loves it, mostly because it's such a huge step up from my $400 Suzuki Samurai. Maybe it won't be too hard to get her in it.

Start referring to it as "The Roughrider" instead of the 4runner.

That way when you turn over the keys, you will have prepared her for the very stiff ride and can tell her that the more careful she is with it re: potholes and running off the road, the less chance it will shake loose her fillings.

Maintain its the tire pressure at about 8-10 lbs. over spec. LOL

OMG...you sound like me (and your wife sounds like my girlfriend). She is clueless when driving, at ATM machines, bad neighborhoods, etc.

(And I always sit with my back to the wall @ bars/restaurants!)

Yeah part of the problem is that with our previous cars, I really didn't care if they got beat to crap and drove like jalopies. I have a hard time driving the e300d the same way, and can't stand having rattles and thunks in it.

We really didn't have a lot of choices for cars, because we only drive diesels and I just couldn't own another VW. This is the nicest car I've ever owned and I want to pamper it. I guess in that sense, I'm the one who has an issue.

On the flip side, last week I was figuring out my mileage. Since I converted it in April, we've put on 13k miles, and we've only spent $217 on diesel. I guess paying for maintenance isn't too bad, in the big picture. Even if we got a civic, corolla or something, we'd be paying A LOT more for fuel.

:eek: What kinda mileage you getting?

On topic: You can't teach common sense (male or female). I agree with the above posters. Get her a separate car and hand over the keys.

You are either using 1.2 litres /100 km or getting a lot of waste oil....

That car might be, uhh 7 litres/100 km?

Is the VW engine powerful enough for that big vehicle?

~25mpg, on diesel or vegetable oil

Yeah. LOTS of waste oil, and my wife gets paid for mileage. We're saving tons right now, it's nuts, actually.


Eeegh... not real sure. It'll have to be, I guess. The 1.9 idi (pre-TDi) is 90hp stock, ~110 ft/lbs. It can be tickled to about 110hp, 125ftlb before you start to strain it. That's not too far from the 22re, but yeah, I think it'll be slow. I can deal with being a bit sluggish, but I may go out of my mind doing 80km/hr on every hill. Time will tell. Maybe I'll manage to find a balled-up 98-99 TDi with a good engine. That would be a bit better.

I dunno, I have to tread lightly. I may play the pregger card: "we should both hone our defensive driving skills, cuz there's a baby on the way"

remove suspension coils and dampers
replace with solid steel struts
solid rubber tires


that'll teach her to avoid potholes in NO time

Try herding cats...or solving the energy crisis. Might be easier. :)

Give her a big hug. My wife has told me that if I buy a $4-5k Land Cruiser, she will not ride in it nor will she drive it, because it is ugly. Actually, that could be a bonus.:D

I offer an observation if not a solution to your dilemma.

I think one of the marketing companies assigned large sums by GM cash discovered that a large majority of the population, men included, don't have a friggin idea of how, when and at what rate to point and turn a vehicle properly. They discovered that wheel alignment, tire and suspension parts manufacturers are invariaby profitable no matter the state of the economy. Finally, the marketeers convinced the big three to concentrate their efforts on building trucks and SUVs, for these vehicles are most able to absorb the punishment of curbing, holes and other solid obstructions on our roads than a regular vehicle can provide.

And this is the reason why the big three, and pretty soon the big two, continue to build and push trucks and SUVs onto the US consumer, no matter the consequences to our environment and earth's resources. They even go so far as to label these vehicles as "green" and "environmentally friendly", as in 2.5-3 ton SUVs (now called "sport-wagons") powered by hybrid technology, ethanol, hydrogen, natural gas, or all of them, none of which attain more than 23.5 mpg.

For the more forward-thinking among us, I think the ideal vehicle for uncoordinated spouses would feature half-track technology from world wars past along with lower body and full coverage under-vehicle shielding made from light weight, carbon-kevlar (or just plain steel as an option) armor-cladding. Upper body pieces, including breakaway door handles and outside mirrors would be made from recyclable milk, egg or Maalox cartons and quickly replaceable using quick-disconnect, Dzus-type fasteners.

All vehicles would have a choice of two colors, a generic off-white or a generic dark brown plastic appearance for low cost maintenance and repairs. Paint surfaces would have a semi-satin to flat finish to reduce glare and increase visibility so drivers can more easily extricate themselves from road construction ditches and just plain ditches found along the highways of America.

The Pontiac Aztek was an early design effort, but I think they have a larger, improved version on the drawing boards featuring the latest in mag-anti lift technology to compliment the very high center of gravity manufacturers build into these vehicles.

Or you can wait until your spouse is 80 years old and fails the "back up 10 yards" test at the local DMV to continue legal driving as we know it. I think that's more realistic.

I'm glad I could help.
Sherwood

It drives me nuts to be in cars with most other people now after a few years of driving schools, track experience and now motorcycle riding.

My fiance drives with her dog in her lap. I've tried to mention as subtley as possible that in an accident, if the air bag deploys, she'll have Oscar's insides all over her. She also for some reason refuses to use the parking brake, even on hills. She zooms through my neighborhood at 10 to 15 mph over the limit. She's in her early 40's but really didn't start driving until her early 30's after living in New York for years. She's never driven a stick. I'd love to eventually get her to a driving school but realistically it probably won't happen.

Buy her the car of her dreams as an anniversary present and let her be the one to take it to the shop so that the shop (NOT YOU) can tell her what she is doing wrong. If she views the car as just a mode of transportation then she won't be careful with it but if she views the car as something that she really likes, wants, and cares for then it will bother her that she keeps damaging it. My Wife is much nicer to our cars then I am and that is because it truly bothers her when they get messed up.....me, I think dents give a vehicle character:)