Is there a tactful way....

[notfarnow]

...to suggest your wife take some driver's ed?

Bless her soul, she's a wonderful woman and I'm truly lucky to have her. But, she is a horrible driver. She watches out for other cars, but is completely oblivious to road surface, and the "edges" of the roads. She doesn't get into collisions with other cars, but she is forever hitting MASSIVE potholes, catching curbs, getting fetched up in driveways. Just recently I was following her home, and despite several signs for construction and bumps, she didn't slow down and went into a construction zone at 100km/hr, going off a 6" lip where the asphalt ends, then hitting the lip where it starts again. Bent 2 wheels. Then this morning I get in the car and it pulls hard to the right and sounds like hell. Every bump is followed by a hard KATHUNK KATHUNK.

This has been going on for ages, and we joke about it pretty light heartedly... but man it gets expensive. We rarely go 3 months without needing an alignment, and we are constantly buying tires, getting front end work done, etc. I have never seen anything like it really. The garage just thinks it's hilarious, and they call me to joke about it when the car is in there.

Lately I've been trying to G E N T L Y point out some habits, like scanning the road for potholes, looking further ahead, choosing a path BEFORE putting it in gear to back up... but it's really tough to have a conversation like that without making her defensive.

I really think she'd benefit from some driver's ed, where a paid instructor could maybe point her in the right direction. I have never breathed a word about it, because I know if I do it wrong, I'll never be able to bring it up again.

Surely someone else out there goes through this. Please, please help me before I just say "screw it" and buy her a $1000 Cavalier.

[Paul_Heery]

I've been trying for years do do this tactfully. However, it doesn't work. Nobody, especially my wife, believes that they are a bad driver. I've given up on tact, now I just sit in the passenger seat and scream.

[legion]

There is no tactful way that will result in her changing her behavior. You've been tactful so far. Where has that got you?

You have to decide if it is more important to you to have her change her behavior or that she not get mad at you, because you can't have both. Women (and yes, I'm generalizing) seem to get very upset when you suggest they are anything less than the definition of perfection. I think it's an insecurity thing.

You could at least start to act pretty irritated the next time she does this. You could start deducting the car repair expenses from other things. (Like the vacation fund.) You could explain to her that getting an alignment every 3 months is not normal. (I get one every 3 years, and I think I'm anal about that kind of stuff.)

[notfarnow]

Oh we have argued about it, but that doesn't get us anywhere either... hence my attempts to approach it more tactfully.

At one point I told her to imagine that every pothole had a puppy in it, and she had to avoid hitting them. Every time she hit one, I'd tell her that God killed a puppy somewhere. She'd laugh, and that actually did seem to help a bit because we were always joking about it.

But she really isn't watching for them, that's the problem. Potholes, curbs, rocks are just things that "happen", instead of something that's watched for.

I'm starting to wonder if she should just have her own car, and it would be hers to maintain and care for. Could be easier on both of us

[Seahawk]

Don't know if this will help, but what if you guys went to a Skip Barber type drivers day together?

I plan on doing that with each child so they get great advice from someone other than Dad

[Rot 911]

Originally Posted by notfarnow

I'm starting to wonder if she should just have her own car, and it would be hers to maintain and care for. Could be easier on both of us

This is exactly what you need to do Jake. First off you won't care as much because you aren't driving the car. Your wife will either be more careful because it is now "her car" or she will continue to drive as she does now. Your only responsibility will be to insure the car is safe to drive.

You are not going to change her driving behavior no matter how you try to talk about it. Accept it and try to find a way around it. Like getting her her own car.

[KFC911]

Save your marriage and your sanity and get the Cavalier

[David]

My wife will cut someone off and then have no idea why some guy raced up beside her to flip her off.

Or I'm driving and I'll swerve to miss a 4x4 timber lying in the road and she'll complain about my erratic driving.

But the best of all was when we were driving through New Mexico in the middle of nowhere and she decides to pass a car on the two lane highway. When she was directly next to the car she was passing, she was also directly next to a highway patrolman sitting on the opposite shoulder, so she passed between the two car at close to 90mph


I keep trying to get her out to an auto-x and this weekend she agreed, so we'll see how that goes.

[bivenator]

I 2nd the cavalier.

[Heel n Toe]

Tell her that if she isn't willing to go to a commercial driver's school, you'll cut her off.



You know what I'm talkin' 'bout.



Now, you've got to be willing to go through with it. This kind of ultimatum is not for the faint of heart.

[jyl]

Don't share a car with her.

Choose her an inexpensive, sturdy car that can hold up to abuse. Used SUVs are cheap now, aren't they? Or a NY taxicab.

Then have her deal with the maintenance and repairs. Make sure she uses your existing shop, so they won't rip her off too much.

Problem solved. Or at least, minimized.

[Laneco]

Got a 4x4? Borrow someone's if you don't... Take her to a easy terrain off-road area. Let someone guide her thru driving the vehicle over easy obstacles, ruts, rocks, trees, etc. No stupid stuff, no boony bashing, jumping, crazy side-hilling. Just learn to WATCH the ground and KNOW where the tires are at.


IMHO, driving an off-road vehicle will teach a driver very very quickly to pay attention to where the tires are all all times. They quickly develop a feel for it. This is CHEAP too!

After that, if the improvement isn't dramatic and immediate, get her a Cavalier. And when she breaks it, let her take care of the hassle and $$$ of repairing it.

angela

[on2wheels52]

note to self: do not subscribe to this thread
Jim

[Porsche_monkey]

Okay, subtlety was never my main attribute:

http://www.discoverychannel.ca/shows/showdetails.aspx?sid=29

Benefits:

1. National recognition
2. She may not win, that would make her feel good
3. She may win, that would make you feel good
4. Going without sex for the next few years will leave you more free time.

Downside:

Can't think of any.

Seriously, play up the pregnancy unborn child safety angle.

[rammstein]

You are entering VERY dangerous territory there.

Isn't she pregnant now too? From what I understand, the female species can get quite unpredictable and erratic during the incubation period.

My advice is to be the one who drives when you two are together, and the rest of the time just think of boobs or something else to keep your mind occupied when you see bent rims.

I suggest a truck in your future. A small truck, but with big tall sidewalls.

[vash]

everytime you ride in the car with her driving, wear your helmet. tact is key here.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Originally Posted by Heel n Toe

Now, you've got to be willing to go through with it. This kind of ultimatum is not for the faint of heart.

I imagine that lasting for about 5 seconds. Of course, if she's pregnant that threat probably won't hold much weight.

Buy an SUV with big offroad tires. That way she can just bounce over everything. If she manages to break the SUV, make her pay the repair bills. If you've been taking care of all the repairs, she probably just thinks "no big deal". Make her write a few checks and she might get the point.

[speedracing944]

Remove all shocks, struts, and springs. Weld in solid bar stock in place so the car has no compliance at all. Even if she runs over an ant it will shake a filling in her teeth loose. After about 2 blocks she will be directing the car AROUND the potholes

Speedy

[LakeCleElum]

Originally Posted by speedracing944

Remove all shocks, struts, and springs. Weld in solid bar stock in place so the car has no compliance at all. Even if she runs over an ant it will shake a filling in her teeth loose. After about 2 blocks she will be directing the car AROUND the potholes
Speedy

HA - Great idea......All good suggestions above. I'm reading this as my wife is a very slow, careful driver; but just cannot see a situation coming where she needs to take evasive action. She had been in 4 accidents in the past 15 yrs. She sez: Ya, but it wasn't my fault. I say: I could go out about any day of the week and get in an accident that was not my fault!

My solution: I make sure she has a nice car with all the bells and whistles (either Accord or Camry), but it's never a new one. I buy something about 5 years old and keep it another 5 if it lasts that long!

Jake: Look at this this way: At least she hasn't burned a car to the ground like you did; right?

[DasBoot]

Keep her barefoot/pregnant and in the kitchen (where she belongs)...