Things I HATE:
 

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T..V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass.

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine!

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

When I'm standing at the end of a long line and someone comes up to me and asks; "Is this the end of the line?" No, dumbass. It's the front. We're all standing backwards.

LOL, a long time ago I worked with a guy who was a real character. if someone asked him what time it was, he automatically said "right now?"
it was a joke just to mess with people but everyone always said, yes.

I thought it was funny so started doing it too. Now it's a habit. Drives my wife crazy.
What's worse is many of the people I work with have started doing it too. Try it the next time somene askes what time it is. No one will ever say, "of course I mean right now, what did you think I meant".
Beware, it becomes a habit easily and you won't be able to stop.

For an art project in high school I made a very convincing slice of chocolate cake from brown painted sponge, white bath sealant in between the layers, topped with brown painted bath sealant, brown painted wood shavings, more decorative white bath sealant 'icing' and miniature steel ball bearings.

The point?

To show that you can have your cake but you WOULDN'T want to eat it.

Oh, I have a list. How about when someone says:

1) "whenever I went to the store last week." Whenever? You went at a specific time!

2) "key accounts, key markets, key decision makers" Who doesn't think they're key or who thinks what they handle isn't key? If everything is key, then nothing really is.

3) "irregardless" No comment needed.

4) "Now more than ever." No comment needed.

5) "Less calories" or "the amount of people" NOOOO!!!!! It's fewer calories and number of people.

6) "undocumented immigrants" I call them ILLEGALS.

7) "armed gunman" What kind of gunman isn't armed? Someone who carries a toy gun?

No, he's still armed, just not very well.

Every time I take my stepson to the pet store for chinchilla food, the checkout person says "Oh! Do you have a chinchilla?"
We usually spend the drive home thinking up smartass retorts.

When I say "Thank you" and the response is "No problem". Great way to make my expression of gratitude seem like an apology. Waiters do it all the time - I'm a chronic thanker, so they'll get the "T" bomb when they refill my water glass, and I'll get the "No problem" back.

I know they don't mean it in the spirit I take it, but it still pisses me off.

Get off my lawn!

Or when someone says "Do you have the correct time?" No dip$h!t I set my watch wrong on purpose. Or I think "Just for that you should get the wrong time."

"How far is it to the state line?"
" Oh, about three hours."
"OK numbnuts...how long will it take me to get there? 150 miles?"

HOT water heater. Its a friggin' water heater. If the water was already hot, WHY THE F*CK WOULD I NEED A HEATER?"

Consistently, persistently negative people.
I can pretty much take everything else.

The Hot Water Heater reminds me of this one:

Is it really a Beauty shop? or an Ugly shop?

I walked into a deli and asked for two pastrami sandwiches, one to go. The guy said, "Which one?" He made my day.

"semi-automatic hand gun"
"semi-automatic riffle"

If its not full-auto, don't bother me with the pointless details. Actually, unless its a gatling gun or a laser beam, just call it a gun. kthxby

"Yes, and the coat is almost finished."

people

"Six or one half dozen or the other"

I'll bet dollars to donuts....

I hate the name "Half & Half" too. Why not just called it "Whole?"

If I hear someone use the word "traction" when it's not related to car tires one more time, I'm gonna.... :mad: