Happy St. Patrick's Day!

[911Rob]

Well let me be the first to wish you a Happy St. Patrick's Day!
God Bless the Irish!

May the Luck of the Irish be with ya for 2009!
Have a great day..... go drink some green beer.

[911Rob]

[Jim Richards]

[The Gaijin]

Ya Fenian basta&ds! Enjoy the day!

[dhoward]

Well, it's come that time again, St. Patrick's Day has come and gone and well, the sons of Ireland are basking in the glow. When I think of Ireland I think a lot of colorful Irish expressions like, "Top of the morning to ya," "Kiss the barney stone," "May the road rise to meet ya," "May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead," "I'd like to smash you in the face with my shillelagh," "Danny-boy," "Begorra," "Wail of the banshee," and "Whiskey for the leprechauns, whisky for the leprechauns." But the expression I think most people identify with the Irish, is, of course, the luck of the Irish.

The luck of the Irish. Sure. Let's say you're in a pub somewhere in Ireland, oh, anywhere in Ireland, some guy comes up to you and says, "Hey is that a bomb on you I hear ticking?" And then BAM!!! Your small intestines are on the ceiling and your brains are on your car across the street. That's the luck of the Irish for ya, who's kidding who, okay?
Let's talk about the bad luck of the Irish, all right? How about this, POTATO FAMINE!! How about that? It scares them, doesn't it? Well, it should. That's why they came here in the first place. So they wouldn't have to work in the potato fields. That's why they became politicians, priests, and cops. Luck? Gimme a break.

I got a friend, his name is Dan Sullivan, he's Irish as they come. We used to drink together a lot. After two drinks, he would look like an Irish pirate. You know? You think he had luck? In one day he got his car stolen, and the stupid, he had no insurance, and no license, and he gets locked up for being drunk. And after that, he takes off for someplace like India or Nepal, or someplace like that. And his mother dies, ya know, so they wire him to tell him to come to the funeral. It's his mother's funeral, that's all. And he's in India or Nepal, sitting squat-legged listening to some sacred cow. So he comes back and he gets stopped at U.S. Customs for trafficking illegal drugs, not holding, he's trafficking. I mean, here's this guy Sullivan, his old lady kicks off, he gets popped at the border and he's sitting on fifty pounds of black Tibetan finger hash and two keys of slam. Now that's not bad luck, that's DUMB luck. I don't think luck has anything to do with it, I don't think he has any brains at all. First of all, he's drunk, then he's a junkie. I don't know what's worse! Don't ask me, ask Sullivan! And what happens?! He calls me up and says, "Hey man, I got busted at the border. I need five grand bail." I said, I said, "Five grand man!? Hey man, I've never even seen five thousand dollars in my life, so don't ask me for it, man, why don't you ask your mother!!"
( Which was a dumb thing for me to say because his mother just died. )
Right now, I got this drunken Irish junkie who wants to kill me because of what I said about his mother being in terminal dreamland! Oh pal. One thing! One thing!!! They love their mothers, boy, oh they love their mothers. It's momma this, momma that. Oh my Irish mother! Ireland must be heaven, because my mother.. aauugghhh! Aaauugghhh!!!
-John Belushi

[craigster59]

Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from
the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led
past the old graveyard..

"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael
O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died."!

Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims,"Miles, from Dublin."

[creaturecat]

Well. I was born in Killarney.
My grandfather's name was Kidd. Emigrated during the famine.
A poet and a drunkard.
I will raise a glass in his memory.

[craigster59]

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister five times last week."

[Moses]

A little Flogging Molly to celebrate!

[Moses]

Another mood setter. Dropkick Murphys.

[TerryH]

I'll eat almost anything, as my physique proves, but cooked cabbage is not among edible items. Corned beef and potatoes w/o the cabbage please. I turned my share of the cabbage into cole slaw.

Happy St. Patricks Day

[onewhippedpuppy]

Like I need another excuse to drink.

Flogging Molly is awesome. I can't watch the clip at work, but I hope it's "Devil's Dance Floor".

[Moses]

Originally Posted by onewhippedpuppy

Like I need another excuse to drink.

Flogging Molly is awesome. I can't watch the clip at work, but I hope it's "Devil's Dance Floor".

Here you go!

[911Rob]

Originally Posted by dhoward

Well, it's come that time again, St. Patrick's Day .......-John Belushi

lol. Thanks Dan, that was hilarious!
I was reading it thinking YOU wrote it and wow, then I read John Belushi and it all tied together. Luck 'o the Irish 'eh? Ha, Ha. Sounds like a regular 'ol day to me?

God's Blessings......

Craig: Funny! Thanks, I passed that one along.
Cheers mates!



Me Irish lyrics....
Here's to you and here's to me
The BEST of friends we'll always be
But if by chance we should disagree
Well F U and here's to me!

[Racerbvd]

Just in time for St Patrick’s Day

The Errand

Mc Quillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,

each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,

the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer,

who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,

"what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman,

"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

***********************************************

The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.FK. Airport and wandered

around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman.

"I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.

***********************************************

Water to wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York

and gets stopped for speeding.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath

and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,

"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

***********************************************

The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer

and watching the brothel across the street.

They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,

and one of them said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel,

and the other Irishman said,

"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews

are falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel,

and one of the Irishmen said,

"What a terrible pity...

one of the girls must be quite ill."

***********************************************

Lost at Sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,

were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape

from a burning freighter.

While rummaging through the boat's provisions,

Patrick stumbled across an old lamp...

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,

he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however,

stated that he could only deliver one wish,

not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter,

Patrick blurted out,

"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,

and immediately the entire sea turned into

the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull

broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick

whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick!

Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!

***********************************************

The Fall

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze

in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.

Struggling to his feet,

he felt something wet running down his leg.

"Please Lord," he implored,

"let it be blood!!"



(And saving the best for last...)


************************************************** ************************

You've Been Drinking Again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.

The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.

So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.

He tried to stand one more time; same result.

He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air

and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.

So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.

Again, he fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up..

This time he managed to pull himself upright,

but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep

as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning

to his wife standing over him, shouting,

"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look,

and intent on bluffing it out he said,

"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called;

you left your wheelchair there again."

[craigster59]

Into the local pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little Shakespeare, O'Conner," says the bartender, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says the bartender, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.

[Jeff Higgins]

Kelly walks into a pub in New York and orders two pints of Guiness. The bartender tells him to drink one first, then he could have a second.

"Ah, but you do not understand, lad. I have recently departed my home in Sligo County, leaving me dear brother Sean behind. For nigh on twenty years, we have met every Tuesday night, over a pint at the neighborhood pub. When I left, we agreed to hold the tradition 'till the day we die. The one is mine, the other is Sean's."

Needless to say, the bartender (and all of the regulars) were very touched by Kelly's story, so he quickly pulled a couple of pints and set them out for this likeable Irishman. This went on for years, every Tuesday night, like clockwork. Kelly always walked in at the same time, sat on the same stool, and finally the bartender got to having his two pints waiting for him when he arrived.

Then one Tuesday Kelly walks in, looking rather glum and downcast. The bartender has his two pints ready and waiting, but he sadly pushes one away. "I'll just be havin' the one tonight, lad..." No one knew what to say. Kelly wasn't his usual friendly self. Finally, the bartender breaks the heavy silence.

"Kelly, um.... I guess we don't know what to say.... if there is anything any one of us can do for you, for your family..."

"Ah, you're a fine lad; I thank you. 'Tis a glum day indeed. My mother raised hearty stock though, she did, an' I think I'll some day get over this. I'm a strong lad. It will be hard at first, I will not kid you...."

"Do you mind if we ask when the funeral might be, or where we can send flowers?"

"Funeral? Sweet mother of God, who, may I ask, has passed??"

"Why,... um... your brother, Sean? - you are only drinking one pint. And you said 'until the day we...'"

"Oh," (laughing heartily) "I can well understand your confusion. No, no - Sean is fine. Never better. It's just that my doctor told me I had to quit drinking".

[teenerted1]

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland '
The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes, that I am'
The first guy says, 'So am I And where about from Ireland might you be?'
The other guy answers, I'm from Dublin , I am.'
The first guy responds, 'Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'
The other guy says, 'A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.'
The first guy says, 'Faith & it's a small world, so did I. So did I. And to what school would you have been going?'
The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course.'
The first guy gets really excited and says, 'And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?'
The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see, I graduated in 1964.'
The first guy exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us!
I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self.'
About this time, Vicky walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
Brian, the bartender, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head & mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight'
Vicky asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'
'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

[craigster59]

For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin.

"We're saved!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!"

"Sure," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"




What's the difference between an Irish Wedding and an Irish Funeral?






One less drunk guy! Happy St. Paddys, off to drink Guiness.

[livi]

Happy Holiday! May you all get properly laid!