Facebook – pitfalls and possibilities

[Schrup]

Originally Posted by dtw

Paul, how's your daughter doing?

She's doing well. I'm just glad I was able to save her from a rapidly deteriorating situation. From 2 years old till she was about 11, her mom was doing ok. She spent the child support money on clothes for our daughter & things she needed. She wasn't treating her poorly. After she turned 11, I started to hear things that were troubling. I started to build a case. I was able to get her out of that environment a couple months before everything really fell apart. It was tough to not be vindictive about the whole situation & try to keep the focus on what was best for my daughter.

She just turned 21, now lives close to me & we visit often. I don't approve of some of the decisions she makes, but I keep my opinions to myself unless asked. At least she had those 6 years in our stable home & knows right from wrong. She now sees her mom through adult eyes & keeps her distance.

[911pcars]

Sorry to hear that, but thanks for sharing. I hope things work out for both of you.

You realize that your wife was scammed by an internet "friend", it could also happen to you. Are you sure about your new-found facebook contact?

Sherwood

[Nevergrowup]

Oh, yes, no problems there, with my new girlfriend. We spend time together 3-5 days a week, either at her om my place. I have met her parents and brother who are really great people too.

They got their own money - well, a lot more than I have, for the moment. Still trying to swim through the bills that have been piling up the last year - ex hasn't been able to "afford" the settlement, and as always, her problems become my problems - still...

I may have to get my lawyer to see into it - should have done that immediately after the break-up, but hindsight and so forth...

[Heel n Toe]

Originally Posted by Nevergrowup

Strange how one can confide in total strangers on the net, huh?

Actually, no... it's not strange. Are you talking about your confiding in us, or your ex confiding in the stranger who romanced, then scammed her?

Either way, it is probably much easier for people to confide in strangers than in people they know personally.

A few bits of advice I have read about long distance internet "relationships" over the years:

1. Only one in six survive the first face-to-face meeting. It is easy for "chemistry" to happen and a kindred spirit feelings to develop in chat and emails (and over the phone), but real life is much more multi-dimensional than that. I read about a couple that "fell in love" online, but when the woman flew to meet the guy, he fixed TV dinners for them in his messy apartment and they ate sitting on the floor watching TV with the food on the coffee table. She quickly figured out this was his A-game insofar as real life, although he had been very romantic online.

2. Some people are willing to develop a relationship with someone halfway across the country or on the other side of the earth because that is "safe" for them. They can keep it non-threatening (and perhaps hide behind a 20-yr. old photo) and indulge their fear of failure because the other person is essentially unavailable.

3. If one is using a site like Match.com or eharmony.com and you do seem to be connecting with someone, don't spend 3 to 6 months developing a relationship before meeting them to see if things work face to face. No need to invest a lot of time and emotion only to find they're a dud in real life. Meet as soon as possible.

4. Likewise, using those sites, it's not wise to start something up with someone who is located so far away from you that you can't spend time with them at least every other weekend, so don't set up the distance parameters of your search further than that. Certainly, there are success stories that don't follow this suggestion, but they are rare.

[Nevergrowup]

Well, was talking about both, actually - tongue in cheek.

And I agree with all your points - when I met my girlfriend online, we set up a meeting after about a week, and she's more or less an hour and a half away, with a little "spirited" driving and little traffic.

We hit it off at once, and had both physically and mentally attraction.

Again - good points!

[JavaBrewer]

Originally Posted by Gogar

And, according to her, I was sleeping with EVERY female friend I made on Myspace. Even my buddies' wives.

Doesn't the line go something like "there's two types of girls that guys hang with, those that they are "doing it with" and those that they WILL be "doing it with"...replace the nice quotes with the f-bomb and there you go

I'm a "nerd" computer guy but never got into the whole myspace/facebook deal. I guess PP BBS consumes all my free time... Besides, I'm so old and ugly now I would need way more help to score an appreciative glance from the opposite sex.

The stories here are sad but I think the relationships (that crashed) would still have failed regardless of the technology (internet) used.

[nostatic]

digital relationships are BS. Long distance relationships are BS. Yes, some can eventually work but very, very few. I've done a fair amount of research on this. Distance/digital is far easier to maintain than a "real" relationship.

[rattlsnak]

We called those GUDs when i was younger. Geographically UnDesirable. I agree with the statement- Dont blame FB. It could as easily been any social networking site. I am on FB everyday talking to countless old girlfriends and even flirting with them and meeting old friends out and about when I travel. My wife thinks its its great my job allows me to do that and I always show her pictures and such. She thinks it cute.

Bottom line, it's a trust issue.