My Wile E. Coyote moment of the weekend - Vol VII Issue 5

Don Plumley · Don Plumley's Garage

So there are these two long 8' x 18" particleboard shelves that have been hanging around for five years. First under my car, then on the side of the house, then laying down by a walkway so they won't blow over (again). SWMBO last week mentioned it would be nice if they went away. This morning I saw a fresh cut on my dog's nose from pushing said boards around in his never ending quest to flush out and kill a lizard. Time for them to go away.

I'm too lazy to pull out the circular saw and extension cord to cut into small enough pieces to toss in the trash (boards outside so long they are useless). I know, I can break those boards into smaller pieces using my friends: gravity and a class 2 lever.

Lean one end against the house about 2' in the air on some sturdy stones. I walk on the middle of the plank and it bends down like a cartoon (subtle foreshadowing). "What I need here is more leverage," the three remaining neurons fire off as I drag the boards off to meet their maker.

Lean the board about 4' up in the air against the big concrete retaining wall. I'm walking up the plank as if a Pirate has a sword in my back. Just as I'm about to give up, Crack! Board snaps in half. Part I'm standing on slams soundly to the ground. Part that nano-seconds before was leaning against the retaining wall ricochets off the wall like a possessed superball at which point it moves rapidly towards my head.

Fortunately reptile-brain, sensing danger, puts hands in front of skull to defend from certain impact. Fat part of hand by thumb absorbs most of impact, knuckle on other hand shares the load. Hand hurts like hell, begins to swell. Cognitive portion of brain initiates giggling reflex over once again surviving another episode of Don's garage adventures.

Second board, sensing possible use of waterboarding or power tools, gives in and breaks without incident.

imcarthur · imcarthur's Garage

Ha ha. Good one Don. I drilled a hole in my middle finger on my left hand having one of those moments . . . the tip still has no feeling . . . must have been the nerves that were hanging out . . .

Ian

fingpilot · 05-17-2009, 04:11 PM

I always check for cameras whenever I am about to take a shortcut that seems too good to be true....

Don Plumley · Don Plumley's Garage

I will be rewarding reptile brain with fermented grapes shortly...

syncroid · 05-17-2009, 04:41 PM

Here here! Cheers!

imcarthur · imcarthur's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Plumley

I will be rewarding reptile brain with fermented grapes shortly...

Already there. '03 Savigny-les-Beaunes - Les Marconnets (Vougeraie) with dinner. I'm on coffee now. Rum later. A long weekend here - Victoria Day. She was a Grand Queen to give us a day off.

Ian

Tishabet · 05-17-2009, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Plumley

I will be rewarding reptile brain with fermented grapes shortly...

These situations occur most often for me when I've imbibed in the fermented grapes first....

trekkor · 05:31 PM

As I was reading, I expected to have the story end with a sharp strike to your...ahem...little Coyote.

Then I realized, that never happened in any of the cartoons I can remember.
( cold beer here )

KT

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

You should have run a motorcycle over them.

herr_oberst · 05-17-2009, 06:12 PM

I thought maybe you were going to say that the retaining wall toppled, crushing your 911.

Don Plumley · Don Plumley's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by herr_oberst

I thought maybe you were going to say that the retaining wall toppled, crushing your 911.

Probably just a matter of time. I'm getting out the Acme catalog now.

HardDrive · 10:20 PM

When I was in college, I worked at a shipping company at night during the summers.

One night, we were waiting for a truck to come in, and the boss tasked us with breaking up some old office furniture. One item was a large, probably 10 foot long, credenza from a conference room. It was melamin coated particle board, and the corners were quite sharp.

So we start to pull it part, and the top comes off, one long 10 foot section. Well some guys are goofing around, and decide to do what Don has described, accept that one guy is going to hold on to it while another jumps on it. Now a 10 foot section of particle board is not that strong, but it ain't that weak either. So one guy holds it, and the other jumps.

Well the board does not break, and the guy holding it loses his grip, and the end of the board heads for the floor.......with the sharp finished edge moving like knife. Yep. It slices the guys leg open like a pork chop. Ugly, ugly scene.

The kicker? The guy goes to a 24 hour clinic (this was in an industrial area that had a place open 24/7) and comes back to work! He had like 40 stiches holding his leg together! It was insane.

oldE · 05-18-2009, 02:04 AM

I hate to admit this.. but a couple of decades ago I was at the local building supply place, selecting some pine boards for a project. Because I was looking for particular pieces, my friend the manager said to just help myself.

I'm 6'3", so it was no problem even without the ladder to reach the ends of the ones on the 8 foot rack. Returning the rejects was more difficult, as they would bump into a cross-piece a few feet back. It was time to get the ladder so I could replace those pieces...or was it? The only reason they weren't going in was that interfering cross-piece, so if I could raise the outer end and get enough force on it, it would slide right back into place.

Still too stupid to get the ladder, I took a firm hold on the end of the pine board, jumped up and, with a motion not unlike a volleyball spike, drove the board into the rack.

It took a second or two to realize what had hit me.

The board, driven with considerable force, hit the next cross-brace and rebounded, hitting me square on the cushioned nose piece of my (shatterproof) glasses. That distributed the blow so my nose wasn't broken (and I didn't lose an eye).

So then I got the ladder.

Les

johnco · 05-18-2009, 03:12 AM

Wile E. Coyote and his wife Wilma
Husband and wife team of recent customers decided to pull down this 20ft 1 1/2 pipe standing near their fence. instead of cutting it off or digging it up, they hook a chain to it and connect to his truck. so he's pulling and pulling while the wife directs the operation. quite a pull since the pipe is set in a couple feet of concrete. he keeps pulling. she stands there watching. suddenly the pipe starts to come down. instead of ripping out of the ground, it bends at ground level. pipe hits her in the leg breaking her ankle and ripping her shin open. after returning from 1/2 day in emergency room, he takes out his Acme reciprocating saw and cuts off pipe.

911Rob · 911Rob's Garage

Good story Don!
Cheers

onewhippedpuppy · 05-18-2009, 07:36 AM

Way back when I was getting rid of some junk from a remodeling project in a dumpster. I come to a nearly 10' piece of 3/4 CPVC pipe. Of course it's too long to fit into the dumpster without hanging out, so I elect to try cramming the relatively flexible pipe in further, assuming it will lodge itself under the other debris. Now that I've managed to put it under a large amount of tension, the pipe fires itself out of the dumpster, landing a direct hit just above my left eye and slicing my eyebrow wide open. Moment of brilliance right there.

herr_oberst · 05-18-2009, 08:45 AM

It seems as though excess leverage is the common theme throughout these little anecdotes.

I have an almost moment;

Back in the day, I didn't realize that a spring compressor was necessary to take apart a mcpherson strut. Spring went about 20 feet in the air, landed on the roof, I caught it in my hands as it rolled off.

The "what might have been" still gives me the willies.

fingpilot · 05-18-2009, 08:55 AM

Ok, so I'll start this with the obligatory 'I can't believe I'm telling you guys this...'

Company Owner walks into hangar one day and says he has arranged for photos of the company airplanes to be taken for his office wall. Would we please cooperate in any way possible, and thanks guys, seeya later.

Hour or so later, a guy shows up with a Citabria and a babe with a camera. Right side of the Citabria has no plastic for taking photos. He wants to do airbourne shots. 3 corporate jets go out on the ramp and get preflighted. Being the safety officer, I get everyone, including the photo pilot in on a comprehensive briefing.

Plans well in hand, I volunteer for the smallest in the fleet (a Sabreliner). The first two shoots go perfectly ( a G2 and a Hawker). The entire time, the Sabre is on the ramp, APU running to cool the cabin, and so that I can monitor the comms. I went back to the aft equiptment bay, and opened the doors to allow extra air for the cooling turbine.

Our turn to go ( the photo plane stayed airbourne), and we marshall at the agreed time, spot, and altitude. Shoot goes well, and we both head back to base. SIC says he doesn't remember seeing me close the aft bay doors.

According to training, the doors will trail in flight (wonder how they knew this), so I am not really worried too much, but slow to flaps speed for the rest of the way home just the same.

Of course, slowed for the Citabria flyby, the doors opened, and to this day, the photo on the boss' wall has his safety director's pass with an access door open.

onewhippedpuppy · 05-18-2009, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herr_oberst

It seems as though excess leverage is the common theme throughout these little anecdotes.

I have an almost moment;

Back in the day, I didn't realize that a spring compressor was necessary to take apart a mcpherson strut. Spring went about 20 feet in the air, landed on the roof, I caught it in my hands as it rolled off.

The "what might have been" still gives me the willies.

That's actually pretty scary.

Moses · 05-18-2009, 09:54 AM

I needed money. I was in graduate school and the University of California at Davis needed a heavy equipment operator. Perfect! (Except for the fact that I wasn't really a heavy equipment operator.

) Nonetheless, I got the job.

I drove the backhoe from the yard to the jobsite in the middle of campus without incident. I was supposed to complete a recently abandoned trenching job. Pretty easy. The trench was about 3 feet wide and 4 feet deep. The previous operator had already trenched about 60 feet and there was only another 20 feet to go. Perfect!

Progress was slow till I figured out which of the 8 hydraulic controls did what. Lift the boom, extend the boom, curl the bucket, swing the bucket. Pretty simple. Before long I was in a good rhythm and there was a satisfying pile of dirt beside the growing trench.

After you cut about 4 feet of trench, you need to move the backhoe. When moving the backhoe in reverse, it's best to look behind you. I found out the hard way.

It was noon. The pathways were FILLED with students. Some were walking, some were on bikes. Nudging the backhoe in reverse I felt a hard THUMP. As I turned around, I saw the 20' decorative streetlight tipping towards the pathway. It was going down like redwood at the hands of a master timbercutter. The streetlight had four 2' plastic orbs at the top. Three of them shattered on impact and the fourth started rolling down the center of the path at an impressive rate of speed. Somehow, the falling post missed everyone and the tumbling plastic orb came to rest in a bicycle rack.

Unbelievably, I was not fired.