My German mother who is still not used to American slang.

Covers a client meeting for a guy who is on vacation.

Client looking to make small talk asks where he went on vacation.

Mom replies, "not sure where, I just know he's beaver hunting".

On his last day a co worker told me" You know Steve, you can be a real Dickhead. But you know what your talking about" I took it as a compliment.

A guy I worked with years ago asked "my girlfiend just came from the doctor and she has a VD......I don't know what I'm going to tell my wife, any ideas?"........

Long, long ago I worked as a "prep cook" well, one day, this lady who worked near my station, clearly a "Bull Dyke", says to me;

One morning on the loading dock, one of the drivers, while loading her truck asked the guy who was "a legend in his own mind" it he knew where she could get a condom big enough for her tongue. Then looked him up and down and said, "Naw...probably not."

Broke me right up.

Les

The office manager at the business I used to own began having an affair with one of our customers. Her husband also worked for us. Fast forward a few months after the divorce... she called me in to her office - not so much to ask my advice, but just to confess to someone that even though she'd married the new guy, she was still sleeping with her ex.

New guy at work...

"if you use the paper filters they remove the cholesterol from the coffee"

Oh reeeeeeeeeeeealy? :confused:

A female paralegal at my old office never let social rules inhibit her comments. Somehow her high school got brought up in conversation. She told everyone that she had her first orgasm in the back seat of her car while parked in the parking lot of that high school.

"You are the devil. Or at least the devil is speaking through you."

(after she had been going on about the Rapture and I asked her where it was referenced in the Bible.)

Obese coworker; "I'm leaving early to go to a doctor's appointment; I have a lump on my neck."

My salesmanager said to me one morning when he had some stupid new idea for me to try: "Larry, I thought of you in the shower this morning!" I gave him a funny, funny look.

A female co-worker who had the world's lowest esteem separated from her husband. After trolling the company for new companionship she finally found some lucky guy. Her conversation on the phone to him was widely heard: "Let's go to lunch...I'm not wearing any underwear!"

"i have a date with my mom tomorrow" but it was from a female coworker so not as weird.

A bunch of us very young cops were hanging out telling stories about our endeavors. One of the guys blurted out that he was the former rat in the costume at "Chuck E Cheese." Over the next few years he became the target of many, many drawings posted everwhere!

Another guys told a group of us that he had woken up with a stiff one that morning. He went to the restroom and peed straight into his own mouth! What a dumbass!

David

A co-worker has repeatedly stated (while telling us about her dating and relationship adventures) that she's looking for someone just like...ME! And that I'm the only guy she'd even think about marrying out of her religion (she's religiously conservative). Sounds maybe a bit creepy, but somehow she gets a pass (no pun intended) on the fact that she's quite pretty. And she knows I'm married, so nothing's ever even come close to happenin' between us. I find it slightly weird, nonetheless.

Do a search. There is some merit to this. ;)

G

"marrying out of her religion". What does this mean?

Jews marry Jews. Catholics marry Catholics. Buddhists marry Buddhists.

After being up for nearly 24hrs. making an emergency repair, co-worker is clearly out of it and giddy. He starts to giggle like a little school girl, calls me over (were standing in the middle of the street) and tells me about a video link he clicked on.....of TWO DUDES GETTIN IT ON!!!
I was suddenly wide awake and backing away as fast as possible, when he........HELL NO!! I can't even repeat what he said! The look on my face must of said it all, because he then claimed it was all a joke. Yeah right!

One of the shift and steer Tractor drivers was an older black guy, one day he put this great big black dildo on the center console in his cab. Walking in the facility he shoved in in his pants. The foreman thought the bulge in his pants was fake. So the black tractor driver whipped out the dildo from his pants the foreman thinking it was a dildo grab it, but when he felt how warm it was from being on the center console of the truck let go of it like a hot potatoe.

PM me her info.... ;)