Weird things you've been told by a co-worker...
 

Guys walks into my office and says "I just scratched my nuts, then licked my finger by mistake. Now I can't get this taste out of my mouth."

Offered him a Mento.

I need a personal day.

What's up?

Hurt myself last night.

You OK?

Yeah, just think i'll do better laying in bed rather than sitting in the office with pants on.

Sitting in the break room eating my food, when the trainer walks up to the table. He stops people look at him, he announces..

"I'm going to touch my penis"

And walks in the restroom.

I didn't know what to say to that so I finished my Lunch and got back to work.

Had a guy in the company send an e-mail date stamped 11:45 PM - to everyone in the company that said....
"I love cats, they taste good"

I don't have any co-workers but my customers certainly share some interesting things.
Jim

A fellow employee once told me that, "If I had been fired before I found the Lord I would have gone out in a blaze of glory."

Another African American employee once told me, "I could shoot you right between the eyes, go home watch cartoons and laugh my head off." AND HE WAS SERIOUS....

He11 they were both serious...

Of course I am not going to say the outragous things that I told other employees...and believe me there were some really outragous gems in that lot.

U Boyz have no idea of where I come from.

That's something that you don't tell anyone.

I had a guy that I worked with tell me a couple of things, that aren't that weird, but you probably shouldn't tell folks. A little background, he gets on everyone's nerves, he's about 5'8" or 5'9" and has little man's disease.

We're both sitting in another guy's office. He's got his feet up on the guy's desk. I'm looking at his shoes and say "Did you get those shoes in the girls' department?" His answer, "No, they used to be Jess's." (Jess is his wife). Holy crap!

Another time, for whatever reason, the men's restroom comes up. There are two stalls, one is big (handicapped stall) and one is small. The handicapped toilet is as usual, taller than normal. In the conversation, most folks agree that they use the handicapped stall. It's nice and roomy. That's when he tells us that he always uses the small stall because the other toilet puts his legs to sleep. What? Yeah, it's tall and my legs dangle so it cuts the circulation off to my lower legs. Holy crap, he tells us his legs dangle when he's sitting on the John so his legs go to sleep. He wasn't that short, I didn't think, but maybe he sit weirdly on the toilet, I don't know. But you don't tell people that your legs dangle unless you're a midget.

You want a typical TABS comment.

One of our shift and steer Tractor drivers walks in and he has what looks like liquid soap stains around his crotch area. Tabs asks, "what are those stains" The driver surely replies, 'It's cum stains." TABS replies, "I thought its pus stains."

Had a software engineer send an email to the entire company asking if anyone had seen his pants. The full email was something like this:

"I believe I left may pants in the Building C restroom last Friday, if you have them, please call me."

At the time the company had about 900 employees, of which maybe 30 knew he rode a bicycle to work and changed before riding home.

I bet the PWT that comes in the pawn shop are quite entertaining.

One of our vice-presidents sent out a company-wide "gag" e-mail praising the efforts of one of his sales team (a very attractive woman). He pasted a pic of a bikini-babe in the e-mail, not knowing the pic was actually a clickable link...to a porn site.

They showed him the door the next day.

A co-worker knew that I was into cars, and he told me that his brother had a Boxster. After I replied that Boxsters were nice cars, he paused then replied "He's a fag". I must have looked very confused, because he clarified by telling me, "My brother, he's a fag". Interesting fellow he was. He also had a habit of telling people that our female boss got her job by laying on a desk with her legs in the air. Once word got around, he received a nice talking to by said boss (even though it was probably true:p).

my co-worker and i had to go get physicals...he came out all smug, declaring, "the doctor said, i am a FINE SPECIMAN of a man!" the nurse, this very cute, firecracker phillipino, fly girl type said, equally as loud..."was his finger in your butt at the time?"

i like to think she was hitting on me...she actually called me on my drive back asking if my buddy was pissed...he wasnt, and she said, she couldnt help herself with the "set serve". if i wasnt married...

A guy I worked with came in with a tight spiral ring burned into the end of his nose. I looked at him strangely and he said "I was checking to see if my car's cigarette lighter worked".

at an insurance office, a very cute young asian agent was on the phone, probably talking to a guy.
- You said you would fuk me the day before, you didn't. Then you said you would fuk me again yesterday, you didn't. I can't wait anymore. This is urgent. Why don't you come here now. I wannit now.
Mins later, a guy came and handed her a piece of paper: "sorry, my fax machine was broken several days ago".

hahahha...i just got reminded when a FOB (fresh off the boat) chinese coworker..from hongkong. he called watches "clocks", and i wore a tudor to work. he said, "criff, i like your cock!" at least that is exactly how it sounded..it was damn hilarious. we were at a safety meeting with bosses, so i couldnt say anything fun in return. i love diversity in the work place!

In a large project status meeting. Someone asks one of the external developers if a certain task is done.

"Not quite," he replied. "We are at the fag's end now."

The room went dead silent. I had to look up the idiom when I got back to my desk.

"Brandt (the boss) knows what we did on his desk last night"

(I worked with the GF)

rjp

Anyone I know... :D



Youg guy in lust and wanting everyone to know how much he's getting it, walks into my office and says "You know, everytime I take my pants down to take a crap, I smell my girlfriend."

I said nothing and pointed at the door.

Another -

Person walks into my office -

Me - "So hows the carpool thing working out?"

Her - "I can't get anyone to join up...they keep canceling out."

Me - "Maybe they just don't like the way you drive.."

Her - "Can't see why not, I'm the best ride in town."


Another - Not mine - second hand:

In a meeting,

Man - (happens to be South African) to a group of mixed company - "I've got some data on that topic I can share..."

Woman - "Great! Can I get a copy of it please?"

Man - "Sure, just give me a stiffy and it's all yours."


"Stiffy" is slang for 3.5" floppy disks in some countries, including South Africa. I guess as opposed to "floppy".