Mike you need to grab the boy, take the 911 and go on a short roadtrip... We've got an autocross coming up in march in OKC... you should come up....

Mike,

Feel real uncomfortable with the direction this is going. Not at all that I think that you are a pedophile (which you are not) BUT all its going to take is one snide comment by your wife to someone, anyone, who are the wrong people to be talking with, then CPS are called and life could get very difficult.

Its really a time to be careful with the situation...

Joe A

It is OK to escort your son back to his bedroom and tuck him in, or read him a little story, or listen to him. That is a good way to get him reassured and back into bed. At 11 a kid needs to be told that everything is going to work out fine and that everything is alright.

Sitting by the bed is OK. Getting in is not. The message that you are there for him and accessable is good, but remind him he is growing up, and becoming a young man.

Things like this pass quickly with a little encouragement and guidance.

Well its been several months and things have gotten pretty nasty. Pretty much every day is a hassle. The peak was when we were driving back from Iowa a few weeks ago - she flipped out over something and tried to jump out of the car. Great memories for the kiddos huh?

Last weekend she came after me. I wasn't too afraid but I did grad Max and we left the house for a few hours. Scared the crap out of us both. She flipped big time.

She has come after me before. A few months ago she tried to choke me. I actually started to laugh. Not sure why. Maybe I thought it would brake into a tickle fight and we would start to kiss? Nope, that didn't happen.

Well today my boss finally told me that I got start coming into work at a decent hour and leaving when everyone else does. He said he understands that I have to do all the driving and what not but I still have a job and that single parents figure it out so I have to as well. I called her up and explained it. She understood. We are working on getting rides for the kiddos to and from various venues. I also told her calmly that if she was ever to come after me again I would call the police. She twisted it all in such a way that I was kicking her out.

Funny thing, I think she wants me to kick her out - adds to the whole blame thing.

I'm sorry to hear that Mike...

As well sorry to hear this.

When you mentioned possibly going on a cruise recently I shuddered at that thought. First thing that came to mind was her jumping overboard at night.

Sorry to hear its not gotten any better. Sounds like its time to save yourself and the kids and let her to herself.

+1

Can't remember if we've ever asked you if your spoons are locked away where she can't get to them. It's probably time to put the knives away, too.

Dude... don't say it's not necessary... stranger things have happened.

Mike...Damn. Just Damn...:(

Yea. my EX came at me with a butcher knife ONCE, she was a surgical nurse, as I've said before I went to counseling , GLAD I did..... sorry to here about your troubles. Your responsible for YOUR part (1/2) of what's wrong with the relationship, you won't be able to make up for the other half. No one else can walk in your shoes

It is what it is - time for the next step. I read the past posts and began to get really upset. I am a fool to let this linger for so long. I keep thinking it will get better. I'm fooling myself. She is real good at point the blame finger at me - she ofetn tells the kids that Daddy is gonna kick her out. My son is ready for it. He loves her but really doesn't think we stand a chance. No one does but the little one - she has the faith of a saint.

pretty sure there are always two sides to everystory..but damn..you have the faith (or patience) of a saint too. anyone tries to choke me..and it is game on.

good luck friend..i would search out a more peaceful life.

Mike, you and your kids deserve better.

This is one of the saddest threads I have ever read.

You absolutely need to move on.

Mike,

She is becoming a danger to herself and to others. You need to take steps now. I am not talking about divorce, but possible involuntary commitment. I know this sounds nasty, but she tried to commit suicide. She also assaulted and battered you. Please, think of your children. Even if they are not directly/physically hurt, they are indirectly being mentally hurt here. You can see the effect on your son.

You need to talk to a mental health professional to help you make the decisions your wife is not capable of making.

You are a great husband and father. And I know you love her. But, sometimes you have to be "the bad guy". You will be to her, but you will also be doing the right thing for her and the children.

James

Mike,
Agree with your post about letting it linger so long. Also agree with Dottore that it's time to move on. I don't remember, bit I'm assuming you've gotten some professional help involved. If not, it's way past due for everyone's sanity and safety. You're a good guy and deserve peace & happiness in life. Seems like you've been pretty loyal, but you (& the kids) only have one lifetime to enjoy.

Looks like James did a much better job of saying it.

Well said. Time to change this situation. It won't get better.

Lube...
your sitting in a lifeboat with 4..
she's still busy drilling holes..
you will soon run out of digits...
sink & drown..
having saved no-one...

Rika

Was thinking about the very same thing. She does not need to be kicked out, but hospitalized and someone keep an eye on her before she does something terrible. She is the issue, not you or your kids.

Joe

Lube: a man that loves his family.... NOT A FOOL... seek counseling by an impartial pro

Mike I do a fair amount of criminal and family law. Not trying to be a scare monger, but I have seen these types of scenarios flip on you and the next thing you know she is calling the cops saying you have assaulted her. In most jurisdictions, you will find yourself in jail calling a bail bondsman. Don't let this happen to you.

How does one go about involuntary hospitalization? She presents normal in public. She will be kept for observation for 24 hours then released.

Edge-u-macate me on this one....

Take any and all measures necessary to ensure that a situation such as that Kurt is alluding to does not occur. The worst possible outcome would be that you children are taken away from you.

It can happen. Be sure that it doesn't. Lawyer up.

Kurt is spot on here.

A very good friend of mine got caught in this. His wacko wife called the cops something like 20 times and each time they could not find a problem. She went on the internet (he found this out later) and on a battered womans forum found out the answer.

She went into the bathroom and called 911 when he was on his way home. He called from the corner store asking if she needed anything. Told the cops he was beating her. Hanging up, she then hit her head against the mirror and broke a towel bar.

My friend walked into the house, cops arrived 2 minutes later and he was cuffed and arrested. Three days later he got out of jail and returned home to find the place gutted.

Mike, please be careful here and CYA!

+1

Get into counseling (for you) and document everything. You might ponder a nannycam. Best of luck.

Very good advise!( unfortunately):( I don't think I would tell your wife, though, she might use it against you in a court of law( say your the one that's crazy)....because of the false distortion or social stigma placed on going to counseling... she won't go with you, right?

Mike-I can't add anything to what the others have already posted. It's all good advice, in my opinion.

Please be careful and watch your back. Both figuratively and literally.

You can get through this and your life will be better in the end.

I do hope that your wife gets the help that it seems that she needs.

It takes 2 to Tango. What is your part in this? How do U excerbate the situation?

BTW I already know the answer.

Anyway the situation is escalulating and is or already has reached the UNTENABLE state. U are going to have to become proactive and stop being passive by thinking, "Ohh it will get better." It ain't! Something has to change...

Your going to have to get off the dime buddy, and ask for proffessional HELP. You are going to have to realize this is beyond your level of competence. One as I have suggested MANY times before a SHRINK and now two an Attorney.

This ain't about lookin GOOD, this is about survival...NOW your job is begining to come at RISK? Geezus at what point do U wake up?

For a smart guy U ain't bin playin your cards very well. BTW consider this little missive to be the life preserver being thrown to you. It's time you grab it and start to swim...

BTW it is all good and well talkin to the bOyz on this Board, but it is like putting a bandaid on cancer.

Mike,
If you get into a tough spot, this thread might be your "life preserver" as Tabs says. It pretty much documents the whole history with comments on actions and situations.

Mike, it sounds like it has gone past the point of no return, but you'll be able to reinvent life again.

Her irrational behaviour around you and normal behaviour in public means she either has a mental disfunction, or she is being very devious.
Be careful.
By her faking crazy and driving you out of the house, I believe legally you may forfit rights to it later on in court. It may be worth it, or not. .

It's already been said, but before anything you need to get several neutral, third party witnesses to attest to her behaviour. CYA. Mabye a councillor might, if she responds to a letter that describes the situation.

Hi Mike, I would call the local police and talk to them about your situation and the struggles you are having. You can then mention that you do not want a divorce, you just need help for your wife because you believe that the issue is escalating and that she is a danger to herself and others. Ask them how to have your wife committed or call the local hospital and ask them. One of them should be able to help you. Then find a nanny or college student to help with the kids while you work. I wish you nothing but the best and do not want to read about you dying and your wife being charged with murder.

A young man I know got blindsided by his fiancee this way.
He's a knucklehead but in no way agressive, and wrapped his life around her and her children from another marriage. She got him back into athletics, and is twice his size.

Apparently they had a(nother) drunk argument one night.
She pushed him, he pushed back, she called cops.

Apparently she had thought about for a while, because the prosecutor gave him the hammer.
He goes to jail for a few days, then gets released on the street with no wallet/possesions, and a serious r.o.
The bias in any physical situations are with the women.

Step one is contact a mental health professional. If your work has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) connection, I would use it. HR should be able to help you. Typically, EAP is for alcohol/drug issues, but they are also for mental health related issues.

You also want to involve HR now, since you noted that your boss has talked to you about a work issue. If you invoke HR now, you are pretty much un-firable while this is going on.

If you don't have an EAP, contact your family doctor and he/she should know someone who can help.

Document, document, document. You need a pen cam and a few nanny cams. You need to watch for the bad behavior. You might even find out what is going on when you're not there. The counselor/psychiatric doctor will be able to help you opn what documentation you need. Since this is happening in front of the kids, I'm sure they can back you up on what is happening.

I remember my closest friend mom used to "get sick and go to the hospital"

Only recently over beers he confided that when we were kids his mom thought his dad was trying to kill her... she would get his dad's gun and wave it around... my friend would take the gun when mom wasn't looking and unload it. Eventually she had to be institutionalized, however after some time got better and returned to the family.

I used to sleep over at their house... never had a clue anything was wrong... seemed like the nicest people (and they were).

I would agree with the others who have suggested you get professional help for everyone sake.

To do an involuntary commit, you need to document how she is a threat to herself or others. This can be based on your statement alone, but it helps to have evidence/witnesses. If legal in your state, do a one party consent recording, hidden camera, witnesses, etc.

To start the process, you can call the police and request an ambulance taken her in against her will. Leg and arm restraints to a stretcher is necessary. You drive yourself to the hosp and talk to the mental health counselor. The Police should write a report and deliver it directly.

In my state, once taken in on a involuntary, they are there for 72 hrs; period. Often, it's enough time to get them on the meds they need.

Good luck.

Lube, after reading this thread... if you were my brother, I would tell you to get a divorce, get custody of the children and learn to be happy again... life is to short man... and I know loving somebody sucks sometimes, but you owe it to yourself and to the children... involuntary hospitalization is only going to make her worse towards you and give her more ammo against you in arguments... divorce, let her get help and come to her senses... if you still love her take her back when she has TRULY accepted her down falls and changes... let her know you'll give her time... but seriously man, this is just crazy.... she won't change unless she wants to change.. if she loves you enough she will... if she doesn't, then why are you still there?

My biggest concern here is for the kids, I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment from about 9yo until I bolted when I was just about to turn 18......it took me years and years of self realization and counseling to get through it and on with my life, even though it was explained numerous times that it wasn't my fault....
you need to get your kids out of that environment asap or it will effect them in ways you can't even imagine..........

Most all the advice I've read in this thread is spot on, but you've got to stand up and take action asap before it escalates to a non-fixable situation. Period. The ball is in your court to save your kids' future well being.......

Weren't we talking "nannycam" and "pen cam" in this same thread about a year ago?

You gotta be proactive in that regard, Mike, lest it bite you in the azz.

+1 , you've got a lot of friends here... all we can really do is support you in whatever "choice" you make