"She apologized for something, that could be a start of a turnaround in her head. There may be resolution for this yet."
__________________

Could be a start. I'm always an optimist.

Be at the DR's office before she gets there from her cab ride. You should always attend every medical visit with her if at all possible. First to ensure that both she and you are hearing the same thing and secondly, but probably more important, to be there for her.

Mike, at some point, you need to protect yourself and the kids. It doesn't sound like you're doing that.

These things cost about $30. You can afford it, especially when it very well may save your A$$.

Look on Ebay...

http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1254501626.jpg

This is my concern. While the family is very important, saving you and the kids in the end is more important.

If she is intent on taking herself down, and dragging you guys with her, then its time to put your foot down.

Sorry if this has been covered, but 17 pages is a lot to go through.

Is she receiving some sort of mental help/counseling?

Not "marriage counseling" (which IMO is useless, or at least as often destructive as it is constructive), but help relating to the effects of her blindness on her mental health.

Guys - She isn't a devil and I'm confident she won't off any of us. She is very very depressed and treats us all harshly and me the most.

I am looking to protect the kids. Things have been put into motion. I did take her to the eye doctors then home. Tonight, we talked civily about separation and divorce safe from little ears.

I spoke to a friend today and told him about things going on. "I couldn't believe how she treated you when I was around - you have some patience. I felt uncomfortable with how she treated you."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I said.

"I did. You remember." He said.

I do remember.

Vash - I know but they are the truth so help me God. I am no stranger to weird shyt happening in my life and I am sure I bring it all on to myself. I have had great things happen and horrible things as well.

John, I appriciate it. I really do. I read the responses and the fact that you and the rest of the 'bored' are willing to read this stuff and offer insight means more then you know.

This is like giving my Son advice on how to tackle. Its easy to instruct and try to project how you would do it in the others shoes but a funny thing happens when you strap on the pads and helmet and try it for yourself. Its a different story.

Many variables are at play. I'm doing what I can to keep it together and protect the kiddos. She is still my wife and the mother of my children. That still means something.

So I was walking the dog this AM and I hear my wife yelling for me. She is at the end of the driveway. I come up, "Whats the matter?" "I locked my self out of the house." She says. OK, so I look in the garage and see that the screen door is closed but the storm door is open. Apparently the lock on the screen door slide over. "Do you have a key for the front door out here?" "Nope, I don't." "Why the hell not? Don't you think you should?"

Prolly, I guess..."I didn't lock my self out you did."

"Oh sure, so now its my fault!" She says.

Oh....ya...whose fault would it be?

I gently removed the screen, took a screw driver and lifted the window and reached my hand up in and unlocked the door. Not even a thank you.

I'm thinking in the future you should speak less bro.

You definitely have a chronic case of "instigate the crazy lady."

I don't know how many of you remember back a few years ago the shyt I went through with my first ex-wife. She took me to court because I refused to pay for certain things our little princess bought for college - namely expensive thong underwear from Vicky's Secrete. After four court appearances I eventually won my case - cost me $12K but I won! (or did I...).

While this was going on, another bone of contention I had was that our little princess didn't want to take out any student loans are apply for any grants. Mommy thought that Daddy and her should pay the total nut and let little princess off with zero debt when she graduated. Daddy don't play that game. I won that action as well and my wife was on board with me then.

Until Sunday - while going through bills and bank statements, looking at a very modest college fund for the kids she told me that she thought we should pay for the kids education to wit I said "Huh? We talked about this when I was going through the same thing a few years ago. I don't agree." What floored me was the phrase she used, it was exactly what my first ex-wife said - verbatim!

"Providing a college education is the greatest gift we can give our children." What! Is there some meeting that these women attend that provides them with these actions, phrases and thought patterns? If so, Scientology has nothing on them!!!

"No, I disagree, we will pay after the kids get loans, grants and work. Thats what I did - I'm still paying off loans. Thats the price you pay for an education."

"I don't agree, I think we should pay for it." She says.

Yet another example for two worlds very very very far apart.

So you tell her, "If you want to pay out of your own funds then by all means, feel free."

Has anyone done the "How's that working for you?" thing yet?

Or has anyone told you about "I hate you, don't leave me?"


Even better, if she's on "I hate you, leave me", then leave her. ( Of course it's not that easy.)

You would think that she would treat me better. Its not like I need her, I want her (at least I did at one time) but she actually needs me! I know she knows that. Why doesnlt she just let me take care of her like I want to do and in return just don't wish me dead or scream at me in front of the kids? Fine, you don't want me in the biblical sense or care for my opinion - I can easily live with that but the other stuff can not and will not be tolerated.

Lubey your kids don't have ppot.

Agree w kurt v u need counseling for yourself.

Note that your 'I'm not going to tolerate xyz' bit sounds good here but it looks like your wife has called bs on that big time.

This is BS. Do you respect yourself or not? The first part of that statement invalidates the second.

This attitude or even a willingness to adopt it will keep you from healthy relationships.

You cannot demand respect with one hand while forfeiting it with the other. Just doesn't work.

This IS why i got a cat instead of getting married.

(Update: the cat meowed too much, so i got rid of it.)

I have.
"I hate you dont leave me", and "Boundaries" are must reads in this situation.
But YMMV

i hose works wonders if mine are to yappy.

Did you say iHose? Is Macintosh/Apple diversifying in tough times? :D

A few days away then a pretty quite, solid weekend proved to be pretty benign. Thats OK - harmless is tolerable. At one point she was teasing me about something on Sunday morning and I jokingly said "OK honey, lets hug it out!" and I hugged her. You should have seen our lil one. She beamed! She started to giggle and say "ewwww! Mommy and Daddy are hugging! Kiss her Dad kiss her!" she screamed while she was laughing. Our Son just smiled and shook his head. The kids were happy. It felt good and no, I didn't kiss her. Mommy said "lets not press our luck".

Maybe she thought about what life would be like alone...

Glad to hear some good news from your camp, Mike.

She is a women who does not want to be a burden to others. I saw this when I re-scheduled our Son's Parent Teacher conference for Friday afternoon "Teachers don't want to stay after school! Why would you do that to them?" Aghh, because thats what they are expected to do? I serve our customers and do it better than anyone. I expect, no make that demand, a certain level of service when I drop cash down - my taxes are cash down. Yup, I'm a dick but I give and I get. Simple. (I made sure I didn't make a big deal about it - I do have to take time off from work and not so sure my boss isn't getting a bit pissed. Seems like every week I take a few hours here and there to do something for her or the family.)

We took our kids clothes shopping this weekend. I watched her fold all the clothes the kids tried on. A nice gesture for the fitting room attendant. I don't know many guys that do that. Yup, she's a pleaser alright.

include the lil one in the kiss and hugging, like .."you kiss her first, then I will, " or a group hug, include the lil one.

you lucky dog, lubbie! wish i had one to hug!;)

Maybe she will realize that her abuse of you is the biggest burden of all, and it's the only one that she can put a stop to immediately. The blindness and the depression is just filler.

ya, for someone who can't see well she really can't 'see' well...

Got to thinking about a saying, "If your covered in shyt, look at your back side; if its your shyt, do something about it if its not your shyt then you can't do anything about it".

My wife's blindness is not my shyt. Its her shyt. That is not to say I will not help or support her in her struggle but it seems like she isn't accepting the fact that this is her shyt. In turn she is taking it out on us.

This talk about divorce all seems to be a test. Like the emergency broadcast system.

Que loud unpleasant siren WWWRRRREEEEEEE!!!! "This is a test, this is only a test. In the event of a real emergency you would be given instructions..."

That is life on a daily basis. So why the test? Because she wants to see if I will stand the test? By going down the divorce road she can shuttle out one of two responses? Either I will or I won't grant her a divorce. Will I stay or will I go? The whoile thing is so illogical if defys reason and maybe that is just it. I have spent my entire adult life solving problems logically - in school studying chemistry, in grad school chemical engineering and in work from R&D to sales it is always to solve a problem. I am in the problem solving mindset and in the past 10 or so years, the lecture circuit. It is what I do and who I am. What I do during the day is not a job, its a vocation. I haven't workied in 10 years. Every day is fun and interesting and I am good at it becasue it fits with how I am built.

That fit doen't work in my preasent set of circumstances. She knows I have all the answers. That isn't what she is looking for. The problem is, I don't understand what she is needing from me. I told her recently to discribe the man she wants down to how he would talk to what he would say and I can be that guy. She just told me that "If I didn't know, she wasn't going to tell me!"

She doesn't need a problem solver, she just needs someone there. Maybe this is like pruning a bonzai tree - too much cutting will kill it. Too much water will kill it. Too much attention will kill it. Sometimes you just got to let it go to go on and live? Maybe that is my our Son's fish has lived so long - he feeds it about once a week if that...

A friend told me that the shyt that is going on is not my shyt but her's and the sooner she owns up to it the sooner the marrage and life will get back on track. To be there for her and not to get upset. So what to do with problems as they arise?

Well, as I see it there are three ways to handle a problem:
1) Solve it yourself
2) Pay someone to solve it for you
3) Don't solve it - its not your problem

This is where it gets dicey...

hang on for a while longer..
just maybe..
?..has she done anything..
try learning braille,
met other blind folks..
service dog...

find yourself a self-reliant blind person..
take them home...
if you can't make her 'see' what she's doing..
they will..
good luck..

Rika

Last weekend I was playing kickball with the kids and as I was running for the ball my calf siezed up. Went to the doc friend (a Dad of a kid on our Sons FB team) and he did an exam in the stands - textbook muscle tear from teh achilles tendon. The pooling fo the blood forming edema and bruising combined with zero range of ankle motion and the location of the constant pain pretty much points to that.

With that said, Saturday night we got in around 11:30PM form a late football game. I woke up at 9:00 with her as mad at me as ever. I overslept. Not sure why any of us had to get up - all the chores were done, kids homework completed yeasterday, Scout meeting was at 3:00. She just thought that me being in bed was the worst thing sense the flu.

She goes on to start yelling at me calling me lazy and what not. Now I am a lot of things but lazy is not one of them. On top of that, she offers zero compassion concerning my leg. Now mind you, the day after I hurt it last week she wanted to go to the Texas State Fair. I complied and made sure I did not hold us up by my lack of mobility. I did use a cane which she kept teasing me about. (at the fair, you do get special treatment of your a gimp by the way!)

Again, she does this yak yak in front of the kids. I finally took the kids to the park. She stayed home and sulked.

You're injured. She's injured. If she cannot give you a break of this s*** in your handicapped position now, if she can't have any empathy, any sense of correctness here-

then F her.

I was of the feeling like this should be resolved, and she's fixable.. but no. Not anymore.


I never asked- but when you two first met, what was she like? Before any of the eyesight problems, was there any notion that she was crazy? Because I'm thinking there had to be.

I feel a bit bad for your kids but you seem like a great father to them and they seem understanding as well. That gives me the impression that it will be OK...

She was a bit of a "redhead" but when your young and gitt'n it - all seems good.

i think this makes a louder statement to her than staying home and arguing. it's what i think i'd have done.

Forgot to mention - she also freaked on me about yelling at our Son's football game. He has been playing both ways for a great team. He has been doing really good. He had two games on Saturday 2PM and 9:30PM. He asked me to be on the sidelines with him so I kept stats. He also asked me to help remind him of certain things when he played - Stay low, dive for the opening, watch the sanp not the sound - stuff.

Mommy took severe exception becasue she said she could hear it clear to the other side of the filed and that the aprent sfrom the other team were commenting.

Now yes I do have a very loud voice. I am sure I could win a hog calling contest but I was never ever yelling anything harsh or mean to him - always direction or encouragement. Just something else for her to beef aboiut I guess.

BTW - They won both games and are in the playoffs. He lead the team in tackles the firsdt game and the second he opened up two wide holes for the touchdowns.

for reference i've been told by my wife to ease up a bit on the excitement level at my sons soccer games.

i coached t-ball this year so i got a pass at those games;)

maybe it's a guy thing but 'assistant coaching' your son from the sidelines (within reason of course) is one of those things that makes being a dad pretty cool. not sure most women would understand this however.

perhaps if you tell her to think of it as badmouthing the other girls and their parents at cheerleading behind their backs she will understand how enjoyable this is for you.

should have left her..
give her something to really beotch about...
don't know how you do it..
I understand the why..I think..
but enough already...
playing defense 24/7 gets old..

Rika

Just came back from the docs - have an appt with the orthped tomorrow. She saw this thing on my arm which I thought was a wart - turns out it isn't a wart. She was concerned enough to take a biopsy of it.

So I'm crippled, prolly have skin cancer and married to a blind mean fat women who hates me. At least I have my hootch...

No more Mormonism for you!

So long as you taught the kids how to pour you the hootch you should be alright.

We are going to have a surprise b-day party for our youngest. I happen to invite a 4yr old whose parents we are friends with and she freaks. Now the poor little guy was adopted. His bio parents are both in jail. His adopted parents we have known for 5 yrs and are the salt of the earth. The little guy plays with our kids from time to time. I saw no harm in it but she flys off the handle saying that he will be running around bugging our daughter. So I have to listen to her tell me that by me doing this it is an indication that I do not respect her and that she can not trust me. OK, not sure of the connection there...

Last night I went to pick up our Son at a friends and there were other boys there. One of the boys lives two houses from us. His mom was on her way to pick him up - the mom of the boys houses they were at asked if I could take him home anyway cuz she had to go to a soccer game and didn't know when she was going to be there - "I really don't want to take him if D***** is on route to get Ca####." The mom doesn't know I would be bringing her sonm home nor did I have permission to do so. Case closed?

Nope.

My wife flys off the handle telling me I am a huge jerk (in front of the kids no less) for not bringing him home. I didn't have the OK to do so and I am not going to assume it is fine!

Needless to say she proceeds to dig into me to the point that she pushes at me that this whoele mess is my fault and that I am the reason things are a mess. she then proceeds to yell to the kids "Kids, daddys being mean to mommy again!" Which puts our little girl into a crying jag that lasts 15 minutes. Our Son just shakes his head and tells her to stop crying.

This morning she started in but I promised my lil one I would not raise a voice or talk to her if started in.

Really sad, we actually were having a pretty good week...

Buddy, I was admiring your resolve for a long time, but... life is too short for this crap.