Lubey, these two are inconsistent:

Her: "When the kids were born, you had me keep track of what they ate, when they ate, when they pee'd or pooped and when they slept..."

You: "I never asked you to do anything..."

Or maybe I'm misunderstanding something.



One mo' time... try to arrange a two-week separation from her with her staying at relatives' or friends' home, and get all the knives out of the house.

Just went back a page and read a few posts I hadn't seen yet.

Serious question based on a possible reading-between-the-lines of what you said: does your wife consume a lot of alcohol?

I would actually point the finger of guilt at 2 factors.

1) She is obviously going through menopause
2) She is blind and going through menopause

Mike, did you really keep a spreadsheet with that data? Dude, I find that really odd. I was a very hands-on single dad, and I never came close to doing something like that. I gotta just read between the lines here and say that you both have your issues. You 2 really need time apart to work through them and become healthy again.

I keep track because the docs told us to do that with him. It wasn't like I was being all sorts of weird about it. This was my second go at it and he had a rough birth. I was doing some record keeping. In retrospect it does seem odd I will admit that but I just didn't want to miss anything and I wanted to be part of it all. The only way I thought I could be part of it was to do what I do which is understand data and make sense of it.

I should have clearified my statement about nver asking her to do anything - I never barked orders at her to clean or cook or anythung like that.

I will agree with you, I am a bit out there with some of my ideas and theories but one thing I am not is mean, quirky as all get out and some would even say I am excentric but I am not mean.

As for her drinking, I don't think she drinks more than I see her but then again I have no idea what goes on at the house when I am not home. She doesn't show any indications of being a drunk. I have seen her swill, she is a bit of a lightweight.

I'm really at a loss for advice. But as you all are probably aware from my litany of prior relationship posts I've been thru a relationship crisis with my wife (tho we seem to have weathered the worst of it).

I went to counseling for myself and discovered a few things:

1) Most anger comes from being hurt or rejected. Anger is a valid emotion. How you react/behave when angry is usually the problem whether you hold it in or explode in rage.

2) I too was accused of being controlling and in denial about it. WTF? I didn't dictate to my wife what she could or couldn't do, where she could go, how to spend money, etc etc. But I discovered I wanted to control situations, outcomes, her attitudes/feelings, etc. That is just as much a control problem as dictating who she sees/what she does. In essence I discovered I was trying to control situations/things (often indirectly) to make her happy, more loving, etc. I finally realized the only persons emotions I can control are my own. And I can't be responsible for another persons happiness or misery.

3) I am often too hard on myself taking blame for everything that was not right in other peoples lives. I need to give myself a break a bit more often.

4) Setting my own boundaries about what I will or will not accept in relationships is not selfish...in fact its pretty damn healthy.

5) When you try to be the kinight in white shining armor, that armor gets pretty damn heavy and hot. Shed it.

I am a knight in shining nothing.

Surfing porn naked and eating Cheeto's again, Snipe? That explains the orange Johnson:D

Mike there is no doubt your wife is to blame for many things, but I think you need to shoulder some responsibility. We know everything she has done, but only have your side of things. Go to a counselor and talk it over with them. See what insight they may have. I am not saying try and talk the wife into it. Just go on your own.

I wanted to make this a separate post. My mom and dad never fought in front of us kids, but they must have had some serious arguments that we never were able to hear. One night, I think I must have been in the 6th grade, my Mom rushed in to our room in the middle of the night telling us kids to get up that our dad was leaving. I will never forget all of us in the kitchen pleading with him to stay. We didn't even know what was going on, but we knew it was bad and we were all scared and crying. It truly is burned into my memory. I can completely visualize it right now and it all most brings me to tears to do so almost 40 some odd years later.

The point is this Mike, your kids have heard things almost as bad, or maybe just as bad. They will never forget what is going on right now. One of you fukking adults needs to take control and give your kids a normal life. Although it will never be completely normal considering what has happened so far. But how much more do you want them to go through? Tell me Mike, how much more?

If she is going through menopause or pre-menopause and has a chemical imbalance that needs to be medicated and is able to hide her drinking and is the type drinker who gets mean/angry on top of that, it would explain a lot about her actions/moods.

Is there a way she could get alcohol brought to her so you wouldn't know about it? Her not being able to see sorta cuts down on her options since she can't drive anywhere.

Next time she is out of the house and you are home, do some looking in nooks and crannies in closets and drawers and under beds. You know what I'm talking about.



But if she doesn't have a drinking problem, the rest of whatever is going on is enough that I still say you need to set up a break where she is somewhere else for a couple of weeks and you should get the knives out of the house.

If the cheetos fit... ;)

Reading posts like this...........Mike, you HAVE to do something.

KurtV - I understand what you are saying and I do shoulder the responcibility for the stuff that has gone down. Yes, I could have 'been there' for her more and yes I prolly do control situations for positive outcomes.

Our relationship goes through peaks and valleys - when it is at a peak there is nothing better but when it hits the skids it is worse then anything. The problem is we are in a valley we can't get out of. When at peak it seemed like we wouldn't think that we had issues and that the rest of the world was f'kn crazy except us. Thats not the case anymore.

As for walking out, she has tried a few times - the most memorable was on Mothers Day - that brought the kids to tears. She also has tried that a few other times as well.

I took our Son to Football practice last night. He was doing well then he started losing his focus. The coaches were a bit purplexed. He is one of the best players on the team. He hits great, blocks great and rushes like John Riggins. I had told the coaches that we were going through so tough things at home and that he may not always respond to negitive tactics - he responds real well to positive reinforcement which they do very well. In the car on the way home I asked about school to which he shared that he just didnlt like it anymore.

"Why don't you like school, is there something going on - Kids, work?"

"I just don't like it - I can't think right. I keep thinking about stuff."

"Like what?"

"I just keep thinking about you and mom."

"I understand, I'm not going to tell you that things well be fine and I won't tell you things are going to get worse - I don't know what will happen but I will tell you that we have to keep talking to eachother. What I do know is that school, Scouts, Football, Piano are all teaching you life lessons that will be used for use later in life. These problems that the family is going through are bad but we will get through it."

I spoke to her last night behind closed doors about not being negitive or picking a fight in front of the kids - she had no response.

This AM on my whay into work I called her and repeated my plea to which she said she didn't care and to stop bullying her. I told her in no uncertain terms that her actions and words would not be tolerated - that she couls shyt on me all she wanted just not in front of the kids. She snickered and said "So your threatening me now?" "Call ti what you want but youir behavior will not be tolerated." I kept it cool - emotionless.

I placed a call to my lawyer....

Good, Mike! This damage to the kids has to get turned around, and now. From your posts over the years, they sound like really sweet kids, it is heartbreaking to hear about the impact this is having on them.

For what it is worth, every time you report in on this thread, usually results in an extra-big hug and kiss for my daughter.

Now you're getting somewhere. It's a hard first step, but she needs to know you mean business, and will not tolerate her behaviour anymore. You don't HAVE to.
Now, she can either put up, or shut up. If she decides to put up, it's been a long time coming. If she decides to shut up, make no uncertain terms that she will pursue counselling.

We're all here with you bro.

Save yourself and your kids.

right now it sounds like you are on a runaway train and your wife is heading the train for a cliff and she doesn't care if she takes the kids it's very heartless to not care about what the kids are exposed to. all i can say is get the kids and tuck and roll.

She starts going off on me tonight for not yelling at our Son for going out side on the patio in his socks. In my calmst voice I say "I'll talk to him and please don't talk to me like that in front of the kids."

She freaks, yells some more, calls me a bully (not sure what that means) and slams the bedroom door.

A little while later our lil one is heading for bed. Mommy stops in mid tracks and starts in and again I say calmly "please, lets talk about this later - not in front of the kids please." Totally emotionless. she breaks down and starts crying saying "Fine, you won! What ever you say master. You won." WTF?

She storms away and I am in my lil ones bedroom. I look down at her and she says "I hate it when Mom is like that, it makes my stomach feel really weird." "OK, lets brush our teeth pretty girl." I say changing the subject. After a few silly jokes she seems OK. she gets ready to read in bed and mommy walks in. I didn't want to make her choose so I said I had to get our Son something to eat.

Later on, I went into our bedroom to get to our bathroom walking by her. She told me to get out. I again requested that she not speak to me that way and again she starts yelling saying I am bullying her, calling me an ******* and to get out. I swear on all that is holy that I did not bully her - the only thing I said was that we should talk about stuff away from the kids and she goes completely non-linear.

I walk out to the living room where our Son is watching The Office. I look over at him and he just looks at me smiling. I say "Did you hear that?" "Yup" "You OK buddy?" I ask. "Yup, Mom seems like she's just trying to work some stuff out."

Later on when I tucked him in we talked a little bit - "We just have to be patient Son. Things will work out we just have to all be there for each other. Please make sure when I'm not around to not back talk Mommy or get sassy with her even if you don't agree with her." "OK Dad."

i really feel for you , it seems she has reached a point where nothing even makes sense in her mind anymore. she thinks things are happening that aren't but she believes her own lies.

Mike you have the patience of a Saint. I would have blown a gasket right there. Grabbed the kids and left.

Unfortunately it sounds like she's not trying to work it out, at all.

My friends and I describe women in the dating with this behavior (much less severe than your case) as chicks with 'their poles and zeroes in the wrong plane'. It's a controls joke. Given any input, the function 'blows up as t increases.

the crazy ones are said to not pass the Routh-Hurwitz stability criterion.

i hate to say this, but you need to document this on video so you have "evidence".

Agree. Would get one of those "pen camera's" that are selling on Ebay that she would not notice and start carrying it in your pocket. Video several of these impromptu outbursts to show what is happening with her.

This sure appears to be a train wreck in the making and you need to look at saving your kids and yourself.

She went off on me this morning about buying our Son the Guiness Book of World Records 2010. He had his Scholastic book form - I went through it with him and the only book he wanted was that one. Mind you, he got another book ordered from our Daughters form. Mommy set a $20 limit for our lil one and though that we should keep the same limit for him. Well his book on her form was $15. I figuered that the GBWR would be cool for both and he agreed to share it. Needless to say she freaks about it - I'm not keeping her in the loop I guess. She told me to go through it with him and sign a check. Her bone of contention rests with the fact the he won't actually read the GBWR but rather look at the pics. He should get books he can actually read and get Reading Points (a program a school). She goes back to her premise that I am buying his love and that I am favoring him over her. I call BS on that. Our lil one is special to me and if anything I favor her.

I was supposed to take her to the eye doctor today - she told me she would take a cab. The shyt never ends...

Red - those pens are inexpensive - @$35! Can I get them at Best Buy you think?

Pen? Do you mean Joe?

I know we both look like Dr. Phil, but neither of us plays him on TV.

I just figuered you know better...

I've said this before.

You can get a memory recorder (an actual video camera - I have one) for about $400 with a tonne of memory. It's silent and can sit in the corner of a room or on a bookshelf to document anything she does against the kids. I hate to point this out (it will probably sound callous and that's not intended) but if she's visually impaired, how would she know?

You're heading down a path - like it or not - that will lead to war. Start stocking up on ammunition.

Might not wanna just set a vid recorder on a shelf- even if she is visually impaired, if she finds it, sh**'s gonna get real. Best to have a pocket recorder or something a bit more discrete.

Best to not have her find that until it's brought up as Exhibit A, or never at all...

[QUOTE=LubeMaster77;4930755 it makes my stomach feel really weird." QUOTE]

you know that's an ulcer waiting to go big time...

Rika

$99 bucks, about the size of your cell phone. Has a microphone and hooks up directly to your computer, and records 1 hour of video at a time.

It's really sad to think this way, but if you know it's going in the ditch you need to arm yourself. This is America, and you're the man, and the odds are against you even if you're right.


http://forums.pelicanparts.com/uploa...1254497235.jpg

so I called her up to see if she wanted me to drive her to the eye doctor. She says she'll take a cab. "I have to do is sooner or later." I pleaded with her to drive her but she just kept calling me a bully. Finally I asked what she wanted me to do "Jump off a building and die!" She says. This is not the first time she has wished me dead. Pretty harsh. After about a few minutes of silence on the phone from her side I finally hung up. She immediately calls back and asked why I hung up. "You said you wanted me to die. I tried to continue to talk to you but you were not saying anything so I hung up." "OK, I'm sorry I said that." News flash - first time she has apologized in ... I can;t remember the last time. This may be a first actually. She then says "Your killing me on the inside. I feel like dying!" and she hangs up. I call her back and she just hangs up on me. What am I supposed to do now?

Don't call her back for starters. Her apology may be a sign of ongoing self examination. I know that you want this to work, you have done well to get to this point. Hang in there, maybe she will come around.
My own marriage is on shaky ground, but the kids remind me of the importance of success. I have been following this thread with a heavy heart as it parallels many of the same challenges that I'm facing.
A hearfelt good luck to you sir.

Maybe go back through the posts here and jot down the many things people have thoughtfully advised you to do and decide for yourself.

jesus...lube. the stories you tell seem fabricated, unreal. they are that bizarre.

i'm a quitter. i would have bailed on page one of this thread. i feel for everyone, especially the kids.

Your preservation / patience is amazing.

I think, after 16 pages of this, we may be missing an extra part to how it is you're sticking around:

is she hot? :-P j/k


She apologized for something, that could be a start of a turnaround in her head. There may be resolution for this yet.