How can I become Smooth...

[Dueller]

Kinda a cryptic answer without much detail, Sid. But I'll give it a shot.

Long distance relationships suck, but at this life stage the attitude should be "Hey...we've each got our own lives...when we can be together let's enjoy the moment. I care about you but neither of us can mope about or worry ourselves sick about what the other one is or is not doing when we're not together." Granted easier said than done but with practice it comes easier. I promise you had you been a bit more aloof, she'd still be wanting to see you.

As far as the other, you should say what you truly felt without explanation being necessary. Never let a person make you feel guilty or inadequate or awkwward by manipulating you because of their expectations of what you SHOULD do or say in THEIR eyes. Just be yourself. Best I could offer with the limited details.

But since you gave up on the relationship why are we worrying about it? Time to look forward not back.

[porsche4life]

Jim I didn't get too concerned about her life but she bothered me constantly about what was going on here and told my I couldn't do things like ride a motorcycle...

[Schumi]

The key is not to not piss them off- the key is to go as long as possible without pissing them off. Because it will happen. Pic is semi-related....



The other trick is to be able to see the crazy ones from the normal ones, giving you an idea of how long you'll be able to hang around.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by porsche4life

Jim I didn't get too concerned about her life but she bothered me constantly about what was going on here and told my I couldn't do things like ride a motorcycle...

And she was elected your surrogate mom by whom? Sounds like a bit of a control freak to me.

[porsche4life]

Just a wee bit.

[svandamme]

butter, it smoothes things out immensly

[Dueller]

Well, my wife told me I was going to have to get rid of my bikes after her ex-husband was killed on one in June. My response was a quiet "Excuse me?" Still got the bikes and she's never mentioned it again other than to ask if she could increase my life insurance coverage.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by svandamme

butter, it smoothes things out immensly

Butter? Not cream?

[Dueller]

Ok, Sid...so let's move on. Tell us why you think you're stepping on you own dick chasing new trim....

[Geronimo '74]

Originally Posted by svandamme

butter, it smoothes things out immensly

I really hope you're not talking about ear-butter again....

[porsche4life]

Ok, Jim. When talking face face to I either seem super shy and dont talk at all or I ramble endlessly. When sending messages I read the convo wrong and say something too soon or too late.

[svandamme]

Originally Posted by Dueller

Butter? Not cream?

cream goes sour to fast, butter has more staying power

[Dueller]

Rule no. 1...steer the conversation to talk about her. Without being creepy. Be somewhat mysterious and aloof about talking about yourself. At least at the initial stages deflect questions about you to asking about her. Trust me...people, especially chicks, love to talk about themselves.

Rule no. 2...when you feel shy or there is a long pause in the conversation, just make eye contact and hold it while smiling slightly and nodding almost imperceptably...a bare hint of a nod. But don't act like the village idiot with a goofy grin. Wait until she breaks the silence or looks away. When she does take a slow breath and say something like "OK, then..glad we got that cleared up." Be comfortable with your shyness...some women find it endearing.

[slodave]

Dating Humor:
How To Flirt With Women

[porsche4life]

Ok I think I can handle that.

[Dueller]

Originally Posted by svandamme

cream goes sour to fast, butter has more staying power

Even whipped cream?

[svandamme]

Dude, whipped cream is useless when things heat up a bit.
Butter may melt, but it stays smooth

[Dueller]

Well, Sid...don't be too hard on yourself. That being said one of my most egregious attempts at being funny was a lame attempt at humor about tampons and sexual gratification....I still grimmace thinking about it some 30 years later. Woman obviously thought I was a total idiot but probably forgot about it in the first hour.

Another time, I was being so cool on a first meeting with a scandanavian exchange student in my freshman year who was wearing a loose knit sweater obviously braless. I noticed a long blonde hair resting on the front of said sweater right on her left boob. I casually reached over to remove it without touching her boob. How the hell did I know it was attached to said boob until she shreiked in pain? But in front of three other women...sheeesh.

[Schumi]

Everyone here will have advice on being smooth. But if your sole intention in to get laid, follow Schumi's sure fire steps below:

1. Find a party. At college on a saturday night this should be the easiest step.

2. Find a girl you're interested in. Maybe a girl in one of your classes that you sit by, etc. If she's holding a drink by herself and not talking to anyone, go up to her. If she's talking to people, wait till she's not; wait til she looks bored.

3. Go up to her, and pull some BS like "aren't you in my Econ 216 class?" etc, and introduce yourself. She'll probably be nice and talk a bit and look away, whatever. She most likely doesn't want you flirting with her. The key is to get her name.

4. Pull out your iPhone. If you are like me, without of those, and the party is across the street from your house, walk home and get on the computer. Bear with me here, you'll see what I'm doing in a sec.

5. Open up Facebook. Type in her name. She goes to your college so you should be able to see her profile. Memorize her favourite movies, music, and hobbies. Maybe lookup a youtube vid of her fav. movie if you haven't seen it and memorize a funny quote.

6. Go back to party. Wait till she's standing looking bored again, not talking to anyone. Go up to her.

7. Ask her what she's been doing tonight. Who cares about her response. The idea is to get her to ask you what you've been doing. Your answer: "Oh, I just got done watching a movie at my place... (enter her favourite movie title here) ever heard of it."

8. She'll freak, talk about how she loves it. Say it's one of your faves even if you haven't seen it. Make some comment on how you've never met someone who liked it as much as you do, blah blah. She'll probably quote something from the movie, who cares, you didn't see it.

9. Move the convo to music before she figures out you haven't seen that movie. Say how your friends/roomates listen to whatever, but you really like bands like (insert her fav. band here). She'll probably freak, as this is her fav band. Continue naming off her fav. bands as your fav. bands. This is like shooting fish in a barrel at this point.

10. Agree with how cool it is that you both like the same bands. Hopefully your place is close, because at this point you should invite her back over to your place to listen to some music, ditch that lame party she's so bored at.

She'll oblige.

The rest is up to you.




The proceeding may sound extremely shallow. I didn't say it wasn't. But if you pull it off correctly she'll be showering at your place the next morning.

I've updated this whole procedure for the modern age. Before Facebook, you just had to find one of her friends, a mutual friend maybe, and figure out everything about her. Now people just post that all online for you to romp through. It's wonderful.

Knowledge is your friend.

[Gogar]

Practice.

Practice.

Practice.

Dude, you're eighteen. Just get in there.