Having children at age 39 and 41

[John-1977911s]

A question for some of you regarding having a child at our ages.

I'm 39 and she's 41. We are both near the end of the time-line for having children while still having a little youth left on our side.

Our concerns are:
- being in our 50's and the child still not even a teen.
- Most of our friends do not have children or their kid's are already teens and will soon be on their own.
- Our lives are molded and set - Do we really want to turn everything upside down?

On the other hand -
We are both very youthful, fit and healthy (So our age shouldn't matter so much)
We would get to do all of the things parents get to do when they have children and love it.

I know if we did have a child we would both be thrilled to death and these questions seem silly.... But we still have them.

Does anyone have anything to share Pro or Con regarding this topic.
Thanks.

[nostatic]

I had my son when I was 35. I certainly wouldn't want to go through that again now at 48. I think it just depends on your energy level and how set in your ways you are. Because your live will change. Completely. Everything will be upside down, and you will have to just deal with it. Humans are incredibly adaptable, but you need to go in with your eyes wide open. You will be exhausted, and your life will not be your own for at least the next two decades. We had few friends with kids, and no family near us. That is *not* the way to go through it imho. If you don't have a good support network around you it will be an order of magnitude harder.

[gr8fl4porsche]

Been there, doing that!

Had my boy at 39/40 (dad/mom). He is now almost 3 and his sister is almost 6.

No regrets.

Most of my friends are now turning 40 and we all have 1 in diapers.

You will not stand out at the daycare. Having kids in your late 30's early 40's is as common as teenage pregnancy these days.

In one generation, the norm has changed from procreating at 20 to 35/40.

I always thought that I would look like a grandpa at school and daycare but believe me it is quite the opposite.

We definitely don't have the energy levels of those in their 20's but are more mature, make better decisions (usually) and have more $$(hopefully).

Just do it! It's now or never.

[BeyGon]

Do you like 21 year olds now, will you like them when you are in your 60s?

[creaturecat]

Go for it. Being "thrilled to death" is a good thing.

[Oh Haha]

My first child, my son, was born when I was 36. My daughter was born when I was 39. My wife is 9 years younger than me.

This is my second marriage. (First marriage yielded no children, thank goodness.)

If both of you are in complete agreement on wanting kids then go for it. Now.

I was scared to death to have kids but they are the greatest joy(somedays) that a person can be blessed with.

There was a thread here inthe last year or so about having kids at an older age. If I can dig it up, it's areally good read.

[Noah930]

I had kids at the age of 32 & 34. Don't take Todd's admonition of exhaustion lightly. That's probably the toughest part of it, physically. The fact that your entire life then revolves around your kids (or at least in my household) was something I expected. Fortunately we've had one set of parents around us at all times.

That being said, having kids has been the most fun thing I've ever done. And that includes driving Porsches and riding motorcycles.

[pete3799]

I was your age (wife is 7 yrs. younger then I) when we had our first. Second came a year later. As nostatic said your life will change. Love my kids dearly but wish we had started the
clan a little earlier. It sucks being a senior citizen and teaching your kids to drive.
Don't wait any longer jump in the sack NOW.
Seriously kids are a wonderful experience that you will not regret.

[John-1977911s]

Thanks for all of the input everyone.

Something I saw last summer while driving in downtown Portland last summer...

A father maybe in his late 30's/early 40's driving his restored VW Bug and his son who was maybe 5 or 6 yrs old was in the back seat having a blast. He was yelling, screeming and smiling. The father kept revving the engine and the kid was loving it. It looked like they were having a darn good time together.

This is something I always go back to in my head.

Thanks again.

[Oh Haha]

I love taking my kids for drives in the 911. I consider it "quality" time, even if we are just going to the store.


Of course, life is not always a Norman Rockwell painting. I simply try to have the good times outweigh the not-so-good.

Some days are more difficult than others.

[crustychief]

Been doing it for four and a half months. Its great, we have enough money, maturity and foresight. It is better than having them at 20 IMHO.

[Macroni]

We did it... my 11 year old just told me how gray my hair is.....

you have em when you have them....

For the kids it is great. Older well established parents has some perks.

[Scott R]

I'm 35, wife is 36 and is seven months pregnant. We've been married for 12 years, last year we finally decided that we had enough time and money to be great parents.

We're having a boy and I hope he's into Porsche, I'm going to order a 911 poster for the nursery tonight. Even though the wife said "no."

[ErVikingo]

my first at 38 and second at 40. Maturity helps but medical risks are higher.

[gassy]

As I read this thread I'm holing my 4 month old son Beckett. I'm 39 and I also have a 7 yr old, an 11 yr old, and a 13 yr old. Beckett and I say you won't regret it for a second...

[mca]

Interesting topic. I am 36 and my wife is 30. We have been trying to have kids with no luck (3 years now). It seems like time is running out ... and every month is another disappointment. At what point does one give up and decide to adopt?

[boba]

My youngest was born when I was 46, never a regret.
They do help keep you young. She now wants my '55 Chevy 5 window PU for her first car. Great to have someone to start another project with.

[Oh Haha]

Originally Posted by mca

Interesting topic. I am 36 and my wife is 30. We have been trying to have kids with no luck (3 years now). It seems like time is running out ... and every month is another disappointment. At what point does one give up and decide to adopt?

Sorry to hear this. I have to believe that you have contacted a doctor?

I don't want to hijack this thread so PM if you would like the name of a specialist located in Michigan.


Sometimes, when you STOP trying is when it happens. This is how my daughter showed up.

[NutmegCarrera]

Look at it this way:
You have more life experiences under your belt now, and can be a better role model, teacher, mentor and parent than anyone ever could as a twenty-something.
We had our first at age 33(me)/32(mom). She turned six on new year's eve. Our second is 3 1/2.
We agreed before getting married that neither of us wanted kids. Ever. We dated since college, and had 6yrs under our belt prior to marriage. Annika was born prior to our 10th anniv. Our priorities obviously had changed... Of course we were only going to have one. After our daughter started to get big, I came home one night to a discussion of "I think there's another little voice inside me somewhere." We started trying for the second time (all of which was much easier than the 1st time around), and were blessed with our little guy.

Prior to having kids:
Built two houses, traveled, achieved careers that are satisfying and challenging, and got started on an MBA. Finished the MBA a few days before our son was born.

We don't regret a thing, and have had one heck of a great time with both the kids. Our overall quality of life as parents of infants & toddlers wasn't what we were used to - but they're sure great now. After they both started "growing up" a little, the Porsche finally arrived.

Advice -
You have no idea what kids are like until you have your own. You don't know what you're missing yet!

[billybek]

I was 45 when the little guy made his appearance.
There are more good days than bad ones.