Friday Diversions...

[M.D. Holloway]

OK, Fridays are blow-off days so here are a few diversions and funny pics...

[M.D. Holloway]

[M.D. Holloway]

Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"

Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Bert yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?" "Nope. Not a clue", she replied.. "IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"

Without missing a beat Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."

[Rick V]

True story:
My son bought his GF some earrings, they came from Kay Jewelers, as we all know every kiss begins with K, and she did indeed kiss him after she put them in. Without missing a beat, and in a very deadpan voice, he said." I knew I should have gone to Faulkners"

[M.D. Holloway]

'If the enemy is in range, so are you.'

- Infantry Journal-


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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.'

- US.Air Force Manual -


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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.'

- General MacArthur -


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'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.'

- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.-


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'Tracers work both ways.'

- U.S. Army Ordnance Manual-


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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.'

-Infantry Journal -


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The three most useless things in aviation are: Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you.

-Basic Flight Training Manual-


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'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'

- Maritime Ops Manual -


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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.'

- Unknown Marine Recruit-


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'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.'

-USAF Ammo Troop-


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'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.'

- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-


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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'

-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-


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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'

-Unknown Author-


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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'

- Fixed Wing Pilot-


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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'

-Multi-Engine Training Manual-


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'Without ammunition, the USAF is just an expensive flying club.'

-Unknown Author-


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'If you hear me yell;"Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because you're the pilot.'

-Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot-


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'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.'

-Sign over Control Tower Door-


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'Never trade luck for skill.'

-Author Unknown-


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The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: 'Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh S...!' or (appended from the Arkansas Air National Guard):"Hold my beer and watch this!"

-Authors Unknown-


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'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'

-Basic Flight Training Manual-


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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation - we have never left one up there!'

- Unknown Author -


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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'

- Emergency Checklist-


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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.'

- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) -


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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'

-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-


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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'

- Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk-


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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'

- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -


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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'

[KarlCarrera]

Lube. A Friday night reflection and chuckle is much appreciated!

Thanks

Karl
88 Targa

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I used to tell my students, "just keep the blue side up - unless you're over water, then it's your choice".