For those who need a good laugh

[ckissick]

These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: (I
think)

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'
The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'
Come early and listen to our choir practice
--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is
done.
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
-------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

[scottmandue]

Thanks!

[Pazuzu]

One of the local chruches had something like "Baptism: Salvation, now in an easier to drink form!"

Not only was it creepy, but I fully expected a couple of high school kids to sneak by one night and change thins up a bit, because it was just ASKING for it