For y'all that are married

[Tobra]

If you are a dude, did you talk to you intended's parents prior to "popping the question," if a dudette, did your prospective hubby speak to your parents prior to proposing?

You know, the old fashioned asking for your daughter's hand in marriage deal.

If it was not an option, parents were dead or whatever, pick option 3

[porsche4life]

I plan to when I find one worth marrying....

[GH85Carrera]

To answer the question, no. I just proposed to her. We went to meet the her parents long before I proposed. I feel sure they approved of me. I am lucky enough to say with conviction my MIL is not the stereotype MIL. My wife complains that sometimes her mom likes me more than her.

We were both in our 30s at the time so it was not like she lived at home.

[elwood-914]

First marriage?
Second marriage?
Third?
What if she is 50 years old?
I didnt ask her parents, she was 23, me 24.

[Talewinds]

I am old school.
I like her folks a lot.
I am conservative/ traditional....

But that's not how I roll.

[Jagshund]

I did, even though I planned to go with it regardless. He was quite pleased that I did so and I'd imagine that most men 60+ would probably appreciate the gesture as well.

[UconnTim97]

I asked her parents first over a nice dinner. The best part was that they insisted that I give her a family heirloom as the engagement ring, which was a more than pleasant surprise for me. I had saved up for a ring and had planned on taking her mother shopping with me for the engagement ring. Upon her parents advice, we used the saved money for quite the spectacular honeymoon.

[aap1966]

I asked, but it was a token thing.
I think we all knew that.

[stomachmonkey]

I voted old school cause that's what I believe in.

In reality I happened to make an off hand comment to her "maybe we'll get married" about 3-4 in the morning while at our "closer" watering hole and by 2 pm the next day she'd already set a date and had the hall booked even though we did not roll out of bed till 1 so I just went with it.

Married 16 years, together nearly 20.

[campbellcj]

Yep, it was expected and was just a formality, but seemed to be appreciated anyway.

[JavaBrewer]

Originally Posted by campbellcj

Yep, it was expected and was just a formality, but seemed to be appreciated anyway.

+1 Never throw away a couple free points

[jwhcars]

I asked and they where pleased that I asked. The future father in law stated if we got married before she finished college ......I would be paying the bill. I let him pay the bill :-)
We have been married for 34 years........I can't believe that she has put up with me all these years........yes we are old school for sure.

[legion]

Wanted to ask. Didn't have the guts.

[9dreizig]

Nope, I'm not that like able. Didn't want to give them the option of saying no..
Wish they had now ;-)

[911Freak]

I told him what my intentions were with his daughter (that I wasn't just 'having fun' but serious about our future), added I hoped for his approval and support, that I would work my azz off to take care of and respect her etc...but either I was going to do what I had to do. He appreciated the honesty in our conversation, tossed me a cold one and said "better take care of my girl". Obviously it helped that he knew I was in awe of him (F14 pilot, Viet Vet, Commercial pilot etc)

[Capt. Crunch]

I think its outdated. Maybe pre-1960's ago before the ladies wanted to be equal.

What would you say today?

Umm sir, i'd like to have your permission to marry your daughter and relieve you of some of your financial responsibility. Thanks for putting up the dough for college, i will really appriciate the dual income.

[cbush]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

In reality I happened to make an off hand comment to her "maybe we'll get married" about 3-4 in the morning while at our "closer" watering hole and by 2 pm the next day she'd already set a date and had the hall booked even though we did not roll out of bed till 1 so I just went with it.

Married 16 years, together nearly 20.

That is funny! The girl knew what she wanted and took charge! I love strong decisive women that take responsibility for their own happiness.

[Sapporo Guy]

1st one I asked the parents but ... it was more of a formality than permission, their daughter was getting what she wanted no matter what they said ... that should have been a hint of what was going to happen 9 years down the road.

The next one ... I'm in the opposite position, the mom keeps dropping notes every so often. Too bad the mom has her stuff better than the daughter, which is why I'm dragging this one out.

I don't see much wrong with at least partaking in some form of formality in regards to the in-laws since they are the ones who will make your life easier or harder. If you hit it off with them and figure out them out before hand you will have a better view of what is coming down the road.

I also prefer the type of parent that believes that their little daughter needs to take of herself rather than running home when ever there is a problem.

[Scuba Steve]

Got engaged in 2008. Didn't ask her parents, but that's somewhat related to the fact that they lived across the country from us at the time. I know - just a phone call away. One great big, awkward phone call away...

[oldE]

I asked the girl, not her parents. We had had a 2 year relationship prior to the engagement. The afternoon after we got the ring (together), we phoned both sets of parents. Neither family was surprised in the least.

When I 'broke the news' to my mother, she laughed. My fiancee was listening and almost freaked out saying, "She laughed! What does that mean?"
What it meant was, a: she was surprised it had taken as long as it had and b: she was happy for us.
These days, (34 years later), my wife has the same laugh.

Les