Why I love America

Dottore · 07-12-2010, 05:02 PM

So having posted a couple of slightly critical comments about your fine country recently, I thought I should balance the ledger with a positive one.

I'm sitting in a US shopping mall having a coffee today, and minding the dog, while the wife is doing what she does best.

Up walks a woman of about 400 lbs., hair in curlers, wearing a short sundress and with pink happy faces painted onto each one of her fingernails and toenails. She starts talking to my dog in baby-talk, telling him how handsome he is. Then she asks me if she can scratch him, because she knows precisely where Schnauzers like to be scratched.

I laughed and said "knock yourself out". Within minutes she had my dog whipped into an almost orgasmic frenzy by scratching him very deftly in a number of places, and I swear I have never seen Jack quite as happy. He would have gone home with this woman in a heartbeat.

Then she gets herself a coffee and sits down with me and proceeds to explain to me how Schnauzers have eight very distinct barks, and how it's important to clearly distinguish between them. She then proceeds to imitate each one of these barks at considerable volume. Jack joined in with these barks, and he and this very strange lady were soon barking in sync, and soon we had quite a little audience in the mall.

It was all very strange and magical.

She stayed until she was satisfied that I had fully understood the eight barks—and the meaning of each one—and would in future be able to communicate properly with my dog. Thanks to this perfect stranger, Jack and I now have a whole new rapport. When he barks, I recognize the bark immediately, and can even respond in kind.

This stranger left as suddenly as she came—and I don't even know her name.

This was an experience you could only have in America, and is just one example of why we love this place and keep coming back for more.

porsche4life · porsche4life's Garage

We have a term for her kind.... Batschit Crazy!

Dottore · 07-12-2010, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by porsche4life

We have a term for her kind.... Batschit Crazy!

No, no, no. She had a touch of genius!

If she were a company, I would buy shares.

Leland Pate · 07-12-2010, 05:20 PM

There are 307,006,650 people in this country. They are not all gems.

Zeke · 07-12-2010, 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Leland Pate

There are 307,006,650 people in this country. They are not all gems.

Precisely. Only 650 of them are.

BeyGon · 07-12-2010, 06:19 PM

Well one evening when we got back to the hotel in Vancouver we stopped in the bar for a drink. The guy and his wife at the bar started talking to us, Canadians, he asked us where we were from and why we came to Vancouver, I told him I came for the weather, -it was raining-, he said that was why he was there, I told him I was joking, He was from the east so he really was there for the weather. He asked what I thought about obama, I toned it down for him, sugar coated my feelings, told him I thought the guy was a waste of air space. He liked obama. Then he said he was there because of Vietnam, I wanted to throw up on him but my wife was with me. He said his dad was in the Army and got orders for Vietnam so he packed up the wife and kids and ran off to Canada. He was sooo Fn proud of daddy.
I told him I was in the USMC and went to Vietnam in 67, and that I would never have done what his dad did. He didn't offer to buy drinks and neither did I.
I would rather meet the woman that talked about the dog. She had more class.

Dottore · 07-12-2010, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyGon

I would rather meet the woman that talked about the dog. She had more class.

This woman had boat-loads of class. She was really quite wonderful.

As for your Vancouver experience: some people have strong views about your little Vietnam adventure; views which may not square entirely with your own. That is the way it is. And you will find very few Canadians who have any degree of respect for US involvement in Vietnam.

People are different.

Some people get quite excited about Roman Polanski walking free for example.

I get much more excited about Henry Kissinger walking free.

BeyGon · 07-12-2010, 08:22 PM

whatever, the guy joined the Army, he was a Fn deserter,

but what have I missed, why wouldn't Henry walk free?

speeder · speeder's Garage

Do some reading and get back to us.

Vonzipper · 07-12-2010, 09:04 PM

Let me help you with the door so you can leave, have a nice day

jyl · jyl's Garage

Let's list the reasons we like Canada.
1. The people are super nice. Really. I lived in Vancouver when I was little, and still remember how kind people were.
2. The scenery is beautiful. Well, not so much the middle part. I guess you have your flyover provinces too
3. Some Canadian women have this sexy subtle accent
4. There's lots of natural resources, and no significant military to protect them, so it's sort of like the strategic reserve for the USA when and if things get really bad. It's like being Saddam and having our own Kuwait next door.

I'm not serious about one of those. The Canadian English accent is just okay and your French is awful. :-)

I don't have a problem with someone who left the US to avoid the Vietnam War. No-one should be forced to be an American. As long as he didn't try to come back, that's okay with me.

Schumi · 07-12-2010, 09:53 PM

I love America for many reasons.

Knowing a 400 pound lady who gingerly imitates dog noises is not one of them.

A.Clifford · 07-12-2010, 10:54 PM

The main reason is that America is a country where people can live freedom.

Steve Viegas · 07-13-2010, 08:51 AM

Dottore,

I am not trying to be an azz, but I am curious, doesn't Canada consider itself part of America? I do not mean the USA, but much like Mexico is part of North America, doesn't Canada follow similar suit?

Again, not trying to pick a fight, just curious. I am leaving for BC later this week and it might be good to know.

Gogar · 07-13-2010, 08:55 AM

I want to add that I like Canada because the candy is better, and Super Sexe is full nude with $2 labatts on Tuesdays.

URY914 · URY914's Garage

Large American hooters is a good reason too.

Jim Richards · 07-13-2010, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dottore

So having posted a couple of slightly critical comments about your fine country recently, I thought I should balance the ledger with a positive one.

I'm sitting in a US shopping mall having a coffee today, and minding the dog, while the wife is doing what she does best.

Up walks a woman of about 400 lbs., hair in curlers, wearing a short sundress and with pink happy faces painted onto each one of her fingernails and toenails. She starts talking to my dog in baby-talk, telling him how handsome he is. Then she asks me if she can scratch him, because she knows precisely where Schnauzers like to be scratched.

I laughed and said "knock yourself out". Within minutes she had my dog whipped into an almost orgasmic frenzy by scratching him very deftly in a number of places, and I swear I have never seen Jack quite as happy. He would have gone home with this woman in a heartbeat.

Then she gets herself a coffee and sits down with me and proceeds to explain to me how Schnauzers have eight very distinct barks, and how it's important to clearly distinguish between them. She then proceeds to imitate each one of these barks at considerable volume. Jack joined in with these barks, and he and this very strange lady were soon barking in sync, and soon we had quite a little audience in the mall.

It was all very strange and magical.

She stayed until she was satisfied that I had fully understood the eight barks—and the meaning of each one—and would in future be able to communicate properly with my dog. Thanks to this perfect stranger, Jack and I now have a whole new rapport. When he barks, I recognize the bark immediately, and can even respond in kind.

This stranger left as suddenly as she came—and I don't even know her name.

This was an experience you could only have in America, and is just one example of why we love this place and keep coming back for more.

Great story, Dottore. My wife and I are still learning about our mini Schnauzer. If you have any advice to pass along, now that you've been properly trained

, I'd love to hear what you have to say.

daepp · 07-13-2010, 09:38 AM

An honest question - from a very late baby boomer who was barely remembers VN in the news.

Why would Canadians have strong feelings about the US in VN? Did we drag them into the fight or something?

daepp · 07-13-2010, 09:43 AM

I am an American and I like the tendency of Americans to speak to strangers. We are from So Cal and my family of five just spent 15 days in 4 European countries. This is not a tendency they share IMHO. I think that's unfortunate.

Obviously you cant be rude, but if the guy in line behind you is receptive, I thoroughly enjoy jawing with strangers. And to go a step further (hopefully not too much) I esp. like it when it's someone of another race and that it is perfectly natural to talk about what you have in common. We have much more in common between the races than the racemongers and the media would have us believe.

Man - I guess I wandered off the reservation a bit...

widebody911 · widebody911's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by URY914

Large American hooters is a good reason too.

I'm willing to bet money that the 400# woman had large hooters...