Should I help a buddy get back on his feet after he gets out of jail?

[fastfredracing]

It is kind of a long story, I will try to condense it. I grew up with this guy. I did not hang out with him in high school ( he was kind of a dik back then). I did however rent commercial space from him for 5 years. It was where I started my business. He owned a radiator shop. He really helped me get my biz off the ground. It was the perfect place to start an auto repair business ,next to an existing one, and he fed me a ton of work in the beginning. We actually became pretty good friends. I regularly ate dinner with him and his family, we rode bikes every morning before work together ( he was a professional level bmx rider as a kid), and we had a pretty good relationship.
However , things in his business always seemed a bit shady to me. It took me a couple of years to put the pieces of the puzzle together, but long story short he was stealing cars right off the dealers lot, and re numbering them, painting them etc..
He was casual at first, only doing a couple for himself, but later on , he was selling them, and did quite a few. Mostly one ton dually's, and Corevettes..
As soon as I figured out what was going on, I went looking for another location to run my business. I got the hell out of there!
He did finally get busted ( 11 years after I moved out). I think he ended up with 84 counts of grand theft auto, running a chop shop, and all sorts of other charges that went with a car theft operation. He also had a whole crew of other people involved, and several other businesses went down because of this. I have been super glad that I used good judgment in my youth.
Any how, he has done a 4 year stretch, and will be getting out this spring, he has sent me letters, and asked if I could help him get back on his feet. He will need some temporary work, and some help getting a car . He is a pretty good wrench, and we used to work well together.
I don't condone theft, but I really do feel like I owe this guy in some little way. He was really helpful in me getting my operation off the ground.
FWIW, he did really seem like a good guy to most. He was a family man, a regular in church every Sunday, he did not do drugs or drink and was active in the local community. He was always helping out the neighborhood kids with their bikes, and he had a small bmx/motorcross track behind his property that he kept up and let all the local kids ride on.
In the last few months before I moved out of his building, I told him why I was leaving, and he did confess all of his sins to me. He asked me if I wanted in, and I of course declined, way too scary for me. I think he respected me in some sort of weird way for having integrity.
I am kind of torn, what would you do?

[cgarr]

Sounds like he is looking for someone with "integrity" Sure, help him out, sounds like he respects what you have to say. You may be surprised how a little time can change some of us!

[silverc4s]

Yes, you should help him - as long as you are sure he is staying on the up and up.
Good Karma here

[billybek]

I have to give you credit for getting out when you found out what was going on. That is the kind of s**t that sticks to your blanket.
It sounds like he was one of those guys that was able to justify doing one or two cars then couldn't help himself and kept stealing.
How is his contact with family and community (church)?
Can you afford to put a wrench on piece work at your shop or will he bring in his own work?
I wouldn't give him any keys for a while and maybe monitor your alarm system for entry after hours with the alarm code but I would probably give him a shot.

[rhogg]

I have never regretted helping someone - even when the help has been abused. Having said that, you know this guy - its your judgment of his character that will make the call. Good luck.

[Nine9six]

I agree...Its good karma and its the humanitarian thing to do. I'd stay alert, and make it clear that at some predetermined point, the helping hand recedes. As Billybek so eloquently articulates, "That is the kind of s**t that sticks to your blanket" So at some point, it would probably be wise to initiate some separation; unless you're looking to be pals for life.

[ZOO]

There used to be a an ad campaign that went something along the lines of "You've been released from prison -- now the real sentence starts". Ex-cons have it pretty tough, so helping him certainly buys good karma.

I think I'd have a long, frank discussion with him, however, and clearly set out your ground rules. And, if there was ever a breach of those ground rules I'd end it. Immediately. No second chances. You can't risk your business.

[jhynesrockmtn]

Some things to consider:

Is he really changed? Not sure how you know this, the look in his eye? What he says? Actions? etc. People can. My Dad died with 25 years sober, prior to that he was a mess.

Do you damage your reputation by employing someone who was using his business in a way to steal cars. What does that do to your ability to retain current customers and get referrals from people he may have harmed.

Will he have access to customer information, etc. that he might use in an illegal way.

I believe in helping people but you need to think this through and make sure you protect yourself and your family/business/customers.

[BGCarrera32]

I have to hand it to ya for being of the mindset to help, and I can understand how you may feel obligated to do so. Old habits die hard though. He did his crime for a looong time, and pulled the wool over a lot of peoples' eyes. I would not get involved with him. You don't need to risk your stress level (health) or reputation at this point.

If you want to do something, perhaps offer a reliable used vehicle titled in his name, and float a few dollars his way until things get steady.

[Seahawk]

I believe in redemption...but verify then trust.

Help him get off the road to perdition, but be careful. I'd settle on a plan with him, your expectations, his expectations, etc...best of luck.

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by Seahawk

I believe in redemption...but verify then trust.

Help him get off the road to perdition, but be careful. I'd settle on a plan with him, your expectations, his expectations, etc...best of luck.

Agree. Give him a chance but make the rules strict and not bending. Give him a chance, not an unlimited open ended account.

[Jim Bremner]

I think that you should look at what can you afford to lose. If x is ok to lose set it up that you couldn't lose more than X.

Gice him as much as you can.... But have a way to stop him from taking more

Have a time set that he has to move on with his life.

Jim

P.S. Your a damn fine man for doing this.

[jyl]

I was thinking about what I'd tell someone I was hiring under these circumstances. I came up with something like this
- The pay, benefits, hours, etc are same as everyone else. There'll be no advances, loans, etc same as everyone else.
- you won't have keys or codes, customer info, etc and I'll search your toolcases, car, pockets, etc any time I feel like it whether I've got a reason or not
- I'll fire you with no notice, anytime I feel like it, for any reason at all or no reason. Same as everyone else except I might give them a second chance.
- you won't work here for more than 1 year. Even if you're the best employee ever. I'm the first step on your recovery, not the whole ladder.

[pwd72s]

All good advice above...tending towards giving the guy a chance, hoping he has learned his lesson after serving his time.

Think of it this way...if nobody gives him a chance, he WILL, through lack of choice, go back to crime.

[BeyGon]

I would help him, he has been a friend, he hasn't screwed you and he needs it. But I would be careful.

[looneybin]

i used to work for a construction co. that made a point of hiring ex cons and ex gang bangers.
used to scare the crap out of me that they were going to "revert", but they all were the hardest workers there

[Evans, Marv]

Fantastic advice here. I agree with those saying to help him within a certain framework and especially with putting a time limitation on it. When that time comes, it may be hard to enforce but absolutely needs to be done.

[Zeke]

First of all, what can you afford? If you weren't planning on hiring help, this is no time to change your plans. I would help the guy get a job with another shop. Between his probation officer and your support and recommendation, he should be able to get hired by a bigger shop. The PO will know the ins and outs and any tax benefits for hiring a parolee and be able to sell this guy, especially with your recommendation as a mechanic. And, there is a certain amount of anonymity in working for a big shop. He may taint your shop being a small business.

If you want to mentor the guy, please do but do so under the PO's guidance. That's the gist of it right there, you are not trained or equipped to foster an ex con.

[AFD660]

I'd help him out. I think everybody deserves a second chance. If it were up to me, everyone would be allowed one major screw up in their life. Make sure hes not screwing you over or your customers though, and warn him if he messes up or steals or whatever then he's gone. But he seems like a good guy from what you said, just made a bad decision.

[Zeke]

84 bad decisions.