Why is this even up for discussion?

NO!

NO!

If you're compassionate to their plight I'd consider giving them a couple thousand bucks with the clearly-stated condition that there will be NO MORE (i.e. this is not an open-ended line of credit) and they are expected to use it to get themselves their own place with it, not just go have a night on the town or two.

Absolutely no way in hell would I allow them to ride in and set up shop - you'll never get them out, you'll be liable for them and anything they might do (possibly putting your home at risk) and you might even be breaking the law if (when) they stay longer than a certain time interval (more than x number of persons based on number of bedrooms - some municipalities have laws against this)

Lots of potential downside, no upside. I absolutely would JUST SAY NO!

Looks to me like they want to live free of charge for a while to save for a down payment on a new house. Otherwise, why would they not rent form the start? You said they had a house in PA. Are they selling it? Either way, my answer would be Hell NO!.

My wife and I generally keep an open mind about each others requests: I don't recall a, my way or the highway" episode in our marriage, but this would rise to the occasion.

The rule is visitors are on their way the third day unless they are in a hotel.

Sorry, family physics are as immutable as gravity. Third day is moving day.

+1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BTDT, again, Hell no!

im 70 years old and my livein girlfriend of 7 years, who is 43 and works...knows better than to ask such a stupid question...im with sammyg2 on this one!!!

Run Forest, Run!!!!

I would do that, for family, in an emergency. That they want to move to a different state and choose to do it before finding full time work, is not an emergency. The answer is:
- No.

Has your wife already offered this? Then the follow-on is:
- Don't ever offer something like this again without speaking to me first. You've put me in a bad position, of being permanently unpopular when I say "no".

It would depend for me. I allowed my sister to live with us for a while with an agreed upon rent while she was working on her Master's degree. She was a total flake and would simply avoid us when the rent was due. I hated it. I would never extend myself for her like that again. She is a known whack job.

But, on the other hand my brother - who in a previous life went through an extended period of unemployment and mooching (right after high school) but got his act together and is now a very responsible person. If he fell on hard times I would help him. If he wanted to move out here to CA (which he has expressed in the past but never really acted on) I would invite him (after talking to my wife first) to stay with us while he looked for a place. I doubt that he would move without a job though having been unemployed before.

That's just it - they really shouldn't be moving prior to getting their act together with jobs. If they had jobs and were known to be responsible and my relationship with them was one in which I considered them MY family - not just my wife's family then I would be willing to consider it.

For example, my wife's best friend has fallen on hard times while working to start he own business. During the summer she wanted to rent her own house out to vacationers to make ends meet while she worked on her start up. She needed a place to stay. I had no trouble offering out guest room to her for however long she wanted. She is always welcome in our house and I consider her a family member more than a friend (and I have told her this). She has MY family as friends on her facebook for example. Bottom line is that I know her, I know what to expect from her and I know she is responsible.

IF you can say that about these people you're talking about then I would probably be willing to help them. If you can't - then you can't.

There ya go . . "Safety" . . . the PC universally accepted excuse.



. ..if that's not good enough, tell them that you have another family that you're considering for the space -- a progressive threesome of Asian midget men with an adopted Ethiopian hermaphrodite baby, and a pet sloth.

Clearly you wouldn't want anyone thinking that you're anti-sloth!;)

+1 (in TX)

I would say no. A couple months turns into 6 or more. Then you'll be hearing the excuse of "we cant find any work". So then what, you put them out on the street? Doubtful.
If it were just your SIL, maybe; but a SIL, her gf and kids...sorry, it aint gonna happen.
And on top of all this because they have no jobs you're gonna feed 4 extra mouths?? Then if the baby's get sick, cuz that's what kids do... you're gonna pay for meds too? The kids are 8 and 14 months, so you're gonna pay for diapers too.
Just say NO.

What do I say?
I say, "Are you ready for a divorce?"

Your wife and her sister are blood kin. Her sister and partner live a lifestyle that often requires a predisposition to being on the defensive against expected attacks.

Anything you say negatively will be construed as an attack on them, and your wife will side with her sister 99% of the time. You're going to lose every argument, and will eventually be a pariah in the home - but you will still be expected to fork over the moolah to cover everyones expenses.

Your wife should have the intelligence and consideration to see this and avoid it, however if she brought it up then she is already considering it.

Expect arguments, petty bickering, and backstabbing.
Expect lies.

If they move in, you will be moving out. It's just a matter of time.

Can you fit this in your driveway and hook them up to your utilities?

1980 shasta 19ft model 1925 - $1200 ( (Butler))
1980 shasta 19ft model 1925
http://images.craigslist.org/3na3k83...351a061a0d.jpg
My fee to design you a house addition would be more than this camper.:D

I have an idea.

Invite them and the kids around for the afternoon and BBQ dinner on Saturday.

Without them quite knowing it you are putting tem to the test.

Start off by sitting around watching sport on TV, a bit of chanel surfing, casually scratching your crotch whenever Kendra accidently flashes her tits. Then saying to a dyke "Hey Luvie, while your in the kitchen would you fetch me another beer" "That's a good girl, thanks". Then "Ok Janice (whoever) would you go out and buy some steaks, good ones, not that cheap rubbish" and "And Sue, would you go out and buy more beer, oh, and some wine for yourself". And start giving instructions about them pre-heating the BBQ, and not to let the kids touch the TV or sterio. If anyone suggests you should do something explain that you have spent two hours doing the lawns and garden so it is nice for them.

So in other words, turn the afternoon/evening into a disaster. Then say to everyone "Well, we can't even survive a pleasant BBQ afternoon together, so there is no way we can have this temporary live together thing.

Yup. Trust me. I know this to be the truth

:D "a predisposition to being on the defensive" --OR (the non-PC)-- "man-hating, strap-on, lesbo losers" ? :D


But seriously, don't think for a moment that they will be courteous or appreciative of your home. Tho' they may give a smile to you, as they push you down the back stairs.

tell your wife the "ban" on strip clubs will be lifted when they move in and put back in place when they move out. No remodeling, the house stays the same... nothing notta zip... then welcome them in with open arms as you go "middle age crazy".... fun fun fun! You want your wife to realize that her life will be changing in a way that she doesn't want without you being the "told you so " person

Dangerous living if you think you can extort your wife. ;) :D

If they were two good looking lesbians with no kids, it would be an entirely different story.

extort:
to wrest or wring (money, information, etc.) from a person by violence, intimidation, or abuse of authority; obtain by force, torture, threat, or the like. No milt, just a little "renegotiating" of the rules, when he gets claustrophobia.... maybe something he's always wanted to do but didn't cause of obligations. Since he'll have political capital or undying love and affection... if he does this right:).... another ? why are they moving from Tx to Pa

Invite them over to talk over the situation. An hour or so before they arrive, eat a couple bean burritos. When they do arrive, answer the door nekkid as a jay bird except for black socks. Do not inform the wife, of course.

IOW, the request was way out of line from a normal wife.

I've already posted the concern that once in, they will never leave and you are a bum if you ask them to. That said, privately talk to your wife. She may be apprehensive about it and is asking you because she is looking for an excuse to say no to her sis. If she is open to it. Have a heart to heart with her about your concerns and request that she stand with you on this one.
Outside family will be close or distant and fall in or out of favor over your lifetime but your wife is 24/7/365 for life (prayerfully). Deal with her first and foremost.

I asked my g/f about this. Her comment was that it depends on the family dynamic, but it seems like if the sister and her family are in "good standing" (ie responsible, had jobs, looking to relocate, etc) it isn't that unreasonable. Often it is easier to get situated in a new area and find jobs, etc when you are there rather than from 1K miles away. You didn't mention why they wanted to relocate - is that a factor?

As for some of the other comments - it is no wonder why lesbians can be defensive.

Her other comment regarding family and "personal space" was that 7 people in a 4 br house would be considered not even vaguely crowded in most parts of the world.

Well yeah, 'static,' but this ain't most parts of the world and it's in the country. I'm with you that the sexual orientation of the "parents" is not a big deal. In fact, it might help Fred's kids see the world more as it is. But, to throw all these people together suddenly doesn't seem like a very good idea.

On a number of levels.

I understand that this isn't the rest of the world. But a little perspective can be a good thing. What is at least a little disturbing (to both her and myself) is the willingness of people to throw the family under the bus without knowing them, believing they are out to take advantage of the OP and that they are evil for even considering the idea. Having boundaries on personal space and family is one thing. Assuming insidious motives a priori and tossing snide comments is something else.

been there, doing that. it's not easy. plus, i buy them cars. when the cars, break, i fix them. i pay $2000.00 per month for food. i handle unexpected financial problems. i think it's the right thing to do. having said that, i just posted on this forum a request for advice. "hawaii, the big island" where is the best place to live? i don't want to spend the remaining years of my life as a human atm machine. i need to get away. from a distance, i would make the house payment, plus $2000.00 per month. jp

Does it seem like a bad idea to anyone else for these parents to pick up and leave with their family before they have secured employment or housing?

So they want to save to buy a house? Translation, they want to live off of you in order to save. Say a $200K house that means how many months of saving on jobs that THEY HOPE THEY GET. Moving from Texas (hiring) to PA (high unemployment). What exactly is the upside for you and your wife? None that I can see.

If you can't afford a rental property or extended stay motel, you can't afford to relocated across the country. Our poster shouldn't be the crutch for their bad decision making.

I'd make sure the batteries in my camcorder were charged.

the proper way to relocate.......
1......take a "vacation" to the area you want to move to......
2......find a flipping job.....
3......secure housing......
4......make the final decision to go for it.....
5......drive home and pack your ****.....
6......tie up loose ends and move....

when my wife and i relocated MORE than a 1000 miles we followed this simple plan......and in the time frame of 3 week from when we arrived in florida to when i pulled into the driveway of the new townhouse......
it's not really a difficult thing to do, just need to put forth the effort, sure money was tight, but we managed and everything fell into place......
again.....it's the effort part i'm not seeing (from reading in this thread) that is not happening from the couples side of it.......plain and simple.....who in their right mind would want to impose that much by moving their entire family into someone elses home just so they could seemingly relocate the lazy and irresponsible way?

imo i would say under the circumstances hell no, hidden motives or not........there is a proper way to do this.
if the situation was different (like they lost their house, or a tragic event) then my opinion may change.....but from what i'm reading i'll repeat myself.....hell no.....they need to be responsible and not take the easy way through it (i.e. mooching off family)

LOL, for a second I was inclined to agree with you. Then I had a flashback of Basic Instinct.

No such thing........

Let me get this straight. You have in-laws, that have decided to move. They can't find a house and HAVEN'T found jobs, yet are still moving to a new area?

There is more to this whole thing than we (and you) are being told.

If they had JOBS and they couldn't find housing and the jobs were starting, I'd consider it. They are UNEMPLOYED. This does not look like it will end well.

This. The lifestyle of the sister has no bearing on the matter. Sounds more to me like they need help in learning how to move across country. Why don't they just come up for a week and look around for a house or apt. to rent? Then once they have lived there for some time and learn about the different neighborhoods, then think about buying a house.

The worst thing you could do is not say anything. Marriage is supposed to be about honesty. Ask her what she would say if some of us wanted to come move in with you guys for some time without work. I doubt she will have to give it a second thought.

It does because Op's question was about them moving in with his family - not, "what is the proper way for lesbians to relocate".

The lifestyle of the sister will have an impact when they are all living under the same roof together.

Is she still a really good looking whack job?

This post is useless with pictures!

How will they do that when they do not have jobs?