YEP. Furthermore, The lifestyle of the sister DOES have bearing on the matter, in that it reflects very poor decision making. I mean, how smart is it to adopt/bring people into a family, when (clearly) their financial stability isn't there.

...which, btw, gets back to the OP -- can you feed and house 4 more people w/ little risk? If so, just buy them a condo and start paying child support. (we wouldn't want anyone's 'lifestyle' to be disturbed.)

Yeah; good-looking lesbians always have kids.

jeezus!!

this situation is horrible! there will be no winners. you let them move in, because you subscribe to the idea that family is important. you become miserable, you make everyone around you miserable.

you say NO!! no you say,,"HELL NO!" and they resent you forever, and your become "that man".

i know me, i would chose option one. eff it. but i would tell them that my KING status remains in affect. no exceptions, and the invitation has a definate expiration date..insert, hard date here. march 3rd?

silver lining? your kids learn something from the modern family, and become better people from it.

lesbianism and skin color is not part of the decision.

Not helping your wife's sister could lead to hard feelings down the road as well.
Nothing rong with helping family in need. Hopefully it will never become a necessity for most of us.

There are a lot of variables here:
-Are they desperate or just wanting to move to the area?
-Are they looking to buy a home, or looking for a place to live?
-How close are the sisters? Your wife may end up being the one kicking them out.
-When they both get jobs, who will watch the children?

If you do it, set the ground rules(no-go places) in place beforehand and let them know of the remodeling. Your house, your schedule. Mabye one of them knows how to paint.

Is there a way I can subscribe to every thread Fastfred starts?

This is a disaster waiting to happen. My family has twice moved in with others, but it was for very short and previously known fixed durations while our next house was being built and because we had to vacate our previous house before the next house was finished to get the sale done.

Having moved across the country not too long ago, I think I know how it's supposed to be done. I had a job already and my wife's job in DC let her work from home in AZ until she found a local one. Took her three weeks and got one close to home and for more money. Yes, we lucked out big time. But our plan was to do it no matter what and we didn't have anyone to move in with.

When I first moved to DC, I crashed on some friends' couch for about a month. But I was pounding the pavement and looking for an apt. every minute of the day, so they knew I was serious about getting out of their hair.

Fastfred is setting himself up for unending headache, family crisis and longterm misery. Ask Ian about his room monkeys and how long that went on.

are you crazy ..
doesn't matter..
it's a done deal..
your wife could have said no..
not playing fair is what she did..
cause you cannot say NO..it's her sister..
you will learn something..
like.. I want my home & sanity back..

Rika

Well, and very wisely said.

angela

YEP. Furthermore, The lifestyle of the sister DOES have bearing on the matter, in that it reflects very poor decision making. I mean, how smart is it to adopt/bring people into a family, when (clearly) their financial stability isn't there.

The way I read the thread, the two are gainfully employed and own house and property, so no evident reason to say they make bad decisions, by adopting kids or otherwise.

As I read above: And they are not leaches, they both currently work ,and already own a decent home with some property . The will be able afford to buy a home, just the logistics makes buying a home a little trickier. They are both in the medical field, and should not really have too hard of a time finding employment. I believe one has part time work lined up already.

Many of us were born when our parents were young, struggling, with hardly any assets at all. I think some of us had our own kids when in a similar asset-light condition.

Indeed, if they get the OP to host them in his house, they'll have made yet another shrewd decision. Not so good for the OP, though, and that is my objection.

feh - forget that. They're *lesbians* who dared to adopt *kids* - and *African* ones at that. Enough bad decisions there to swamp out any other factors.

My bet is that there are a lot of factors that haven't been mentioned. You've got the original post which is pretty clearly written to elicit the desired supportive response. If the core issue really is someone's spouse's family coming to live with them while they get settled in a new area, then one could leave the lesbian and African facts out, and include some of the other details (why they're moving, etc). I'm willing to bet that the range of responses would have been different.

Spin is everything, and the truth is usually somewhere in between the two stories (and in this case, we only have one).

You should let them stay for 6 weeks with well-defined ground rules.

handle this like an adult for god's sake.

They don't have jobs or any idea what they are going to do, but they know they are moving.

Why are they moving there? They dig cold weather in the winter, or maybe they did not like Texas perhaps. How will they be paying their expenses during this period of unemployment?

I would be inclined to help family out as much as possible. Need to have firm rules and expiration date for this, written down, everyone on the same page, so to speak.

A few things though.

1-Your wife already has her mind made up or you would never have heard about it. She has put you in an extremely bad position. She has asked you a question that does not have a correct answer, as delineated above.
2-Them being lesbians and having adopted kids from Africa bothers you at least a little, or you would not have mentioned it.

They are not gainfully employed. This is not a good economy to take chances.

Suggest they move to Houston...

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

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That is funny as hell .... and right on at the same time...just rent a spot for them but only pay their rent for, say, 60 days and make that known. This will save your sanity and your marriage.

Those won't be the only batteries he'll be buying:)

and remember..
you go between 5 and 530 in the mornings..
for evenings there will be pick a # system in place..
and forget about sex & hot water..
like a good steak..it will be rare..
also order that Lifetime channel...

Rika

ultimate Catch 22

Your wife and you are YOUR family. When she married you both of your families changed. Your wife should respect your concerns and stand by YOU, not her sister's family.

Honestly Hugh, that's a sad way to live. Different strokes.

Family is what you make of it. I have some friends who are as close as family and would do for them as I would flesh and blood. Just seems right.

Shaun, for a reference point, my 81 y/o MIL lives with us because none of her other off-spring would do schit. The diff is that she has no money, no skills and is 81. This sounds different, they CHOOSE to leave Texas, and move to PA, without jobs, but with obligations.

If it were for a few weeks or a month, sure, I'd even extend that to my crazy cat lady sister if I had too. But they're talking about moving in while they "save" to buy a house. Translation, they live off of fastfreddie while they save to afford the down payment, closing costs, escrow fees, etc. So they want to save to buy a house and they don't even have jobs in PA yet. I see no game plan here except that which is at freddies expense.

Yes, this is as much as I would do, I have let people move in in the past to help them out, never a good out come.. With family who moves in comes their friends and goes your privacy.. I have finally learned, you can't save/help everyone, point them in a direction, but don't enable them..

Your sanity depends on it..

I still think my idea is best :)

Engineer a situation where you have a falling out BEFORE they move in and that way you can SAFELY say there is no way this can work.

Or you can just lie and tell your wife you think her sister is really hot.

Living small looms large amid real estate bust
Living small looms large amid real estate bust - Business - U.S. business - Real estate - msnbc.com
http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/ap/tiny...2.grid-4x2.jpg

I think Kurt's suggestion is the best.
"Or you can just lie and tell your wife you think her sister is really hot."
that should take care of the situation.

So do I.

Well lots of good and crappy advice here.

Thing I can add is that you've got to talk about it. Talk to your wife, and talk to the sister. Tell them both that it's too many people. Tell them that it can be for X time (6 weeks is pretty reasonable) and after that they have to find an apartment or something else. Why? because 7 people in a small house is too many.

Then at 5 weeks if they haven't made preparations, call the city and report yourself, haha. Technically multi-family dwelling is illegal in most places. :)

If they are both working, how come they can't rent an apartment there like everyone else?

Why are they moving there? If they both have jobs, why are they leaving? ...and why near you?

I had a BIL that stayed with us for a little while. 4 years. He was a nice guy, I really like him, but he didn't do ***** around the house either. ...but now that he's back on his feet, he spoils my kids and treats them very well, so he made up for it. :)

Talk...tell...sounds like a monologue.

Listen, discuss, work together.

Letting them live with you in my mind is like saying you approve of and therefore support their lifestyle. For me it would be a big hell no.

Brilliant! The wife throws him out, files for divorce, gets the house, and she invites sis to move in for as long as she likes.

"NO" and you should not feel an obligation to defend your decision. It is an outrageous, inconsiderate, and stupid question in the first place.

"NO".

I would have to tell them no. They made the choice to move, now anti up, find work, pay your bills.

Fastfred,

Because of my past, I would be inclined to go along with it. Just see if you and your wife can agree to some guidelines regarding house rules (fridge space, meal preparation, etc.) and duration.

Since they are both professionals, they probably won't be in your space forever. Since your wife is considering it, it is probably important to her.

You see, 29 years ago, my wife and I started a new home near her parents, then bam! Our old home sold quickly and she went into labor 3 weeks early. Her folks put us up for almost 3 months. At the same time her brother, his wife and 2 month-old were also building and staying with the folks. It worked because of communication and a willingness to 'get er done', but I have always been impressed with my Father-in-law's patience since.

Hopefully you have been talking to your wife more than us about this. ;)

All the best.
Les

Les,

The difference is:

1. You were employed - They are not
2. You lived in the area - They do not
3. You have a defined trigger to leave, completion of your house, which was in sight - They do not

I think this is a disaster waiting to happen. If they had jobs, I might consider it. But I don't think they should be there until they "build up" enough money for a downpayment on a house. That is so undefined. It could mean years.

Nope. I didn't do this when I moved to California and I was a single guy. I found employment BEFORE I moved. I arranged temporary housing while I found a place. I made a couple of trips out to find a place, before I moved.

No, this is a bad idea. Fred needs to talk to his wife.

Unless they're planning on getting an FHA or VA loan, it most certainly will take them years to save for a down payment, even if they start good jobs the day they move in with you. And let's just say they get an FHA loan, which still requires 3.5% down. Assuming the seller pays for everything else, how long is it going to take them to "save" say $7k? If you start an $80k a year job, you're still not going to be able to sock that much away in less than six mos. And that's the rosiest of scenarios.

Seems many folks here have built their own narrative contrary to what Fred posted.

Be an adult. Have a discussion. Share your concerns. Talk them over. Come upon a resolution.

I am just coming off two consecutive, unsuccessful, "roommate"-type experiences. I've been offered a chance to host a new fellow. The answer is "no." I REALLY like coming home to a quiet house.

Crazy talk. They're man-hating lesbians. What else do you need to know?

To have 4 people move into your house for an indefinite amount of time - but a time that is likely going to be measured in at least months - seems to me to be a very unreasonable request.

Seems unreasonable for your wife to expect that, and for her sister to expect it.