How would react if your spouse asked you...
 

If her lesbian sister, and her life partner, and their two adopted african american children( 8, and 14 months old) could live with you for a while?. I am not a racist, and their life style does not really bother me, but day um. Say what hon?.
They are moving up to Pa from Texas, and have not found a house or jobs yet, and asked her if they could stay with us for a couple of months. I actually like her sister, we get along well, her life partner is ok, but she is a little opinionated and outspoken.
Right now, I am the king of my castle, the master of my domain ( don't tell her I said that)., but I am scared for my future.
I have pretty much stated that I am not on board for this one, and it really has nothing to do with the ethnic background of their children, or their lifestyle choices. I just cant imagine sharing my home with a family who is already larger than ours. We have a medium sized 4 bdrm ranch house out in the country, and we are already cozy with 3 people. I cannot imagine what 7 people in this house would be like. I have also been on a 5 year mission of remodeling, the kitchen is next, big project, and having a couple of babies around sort of bothers me a little.
I may be spending a lot of time in the shop in the near future.

A pair of anyone will be a burden, especially with kids. I wouldn't want to share my home with 4 more people no matter what their lifestyle is.

Resist but you had better be able to offer an option to them living with you.

Why couldn't they rent a place for a couple of months?

Live as in rent-free? Maybe you get to buy all the food as well? My 81 y/o MIL lives with us because she let herself be brow beaten out of her life savings over the last two decades by my evil SIL so she could support her out of control lifestyle. The MIL is not a real burden, but at 81, she doesn't give a rats ass about anything. She makes herself breakfast or lunch when we're gone and leaves a mess in the kitchen every single time. She runs down the A/C or runs up the heat cause she wants to leave her outside door open for her rat dog that craps in my house and all over the lawn.

My point? No one gives a rip about your house, especially when they're getting it for free, its not their house.

What are they doing with two infants that are 8 and 14 months old if they can't afford to take care of them on their own dime, including shelter? Maybe they should give them back?
Maybe they shouldn't be "life partners' if they can't do it on their own dime?

I didn't see in your post a time limit, so I'm assuming its because they are down on their luck or whatever. If you had stated two weeks or a month that would be one thing, but you didn't so I'm going to assume no time limit has been put forth (years?).

My great grandfather had some very wise words on this topic... No home is big enough for two families.



You have rental prop right? Let them stay in one of those for a bit?

I couldn't do it. If it were really short term like no more than a few weeks, maybe. If I had a huge house or a separate guest house, maybe. But given the circumstances you describe - no effin' way. I hope it works out OK for everyone no matter what you end up deciding.

Find them a place...pay the rent...or move out. Three wimmen in one house....yer nucking futz.

Ya know, they sync once in close proximity....3 OTR at the same time? You'll be insane inside of 4 months.....

since it has not yet been asked; are they hot?

No way.

Help them find another place to rent while waiting, that scenario will never last. and it will be your fault.

My brothers family, (wife & 4 kids) came up for the weekend to escape Katrina and ended up staying 6 months due to the devastation. While it was a PITA at times, his family helped with purchases and cleaning etc.. It drove my wife nuts, but to me it was almost "fun" as he is my family per say and I had great fun playing with all my nieces and nephews as did my kids with their cousins.
My situation was a little different as they lost their home, but to me, it would have been totally different if it would have been her family. It would have drove me nuts I'm sure. Make sure she looks at it from the other shoe.

No.

You know what ???? Everyone who has offered advice her is spot on. When My sister & her husband came to visit for 4 days, I put them up in a nice motel. Not just for my & my wife's sake, but I figured they needed their space too. A couple of months will likely draw out into 6 months to a year. And yes, if things go south, you will be at fault and I don't think you would want something like that. It could possible have a long term effect on your relationship with your wife. Plus if they overstay their welcome, and you decide to put your foot down, you'll be painted as someone who wants to throw two little kids out on the street. Find them a place to live even if you have to pay or help pay for it. Maybe you know someone who has a granny flat or something similar you could arrange for them to use for awhile. Good luck with that!

I need to post a pic of my Hottie ex and her gay sister......Total Ralph City. Plus she hasn't aged well.

The ex doesn't look at ALL like her Mom in middle age and the gay one is spitten image.

my thoughts exactly! . . .I mean, C'mon... what kind of warped planet are they from?

I'll bet that they're the type to call you a "homophobic racist" if you were to ask them Hugh's question.

Not hot, I should have listed that in the original post, that would be a whole different ball game. And they are not leaches, they both currently work ,and already own a decent home with some property . The will be able afford to buy a home, just the logistics makes buying a home a little trickier. They are both in the medical field, and should not really have too hard of a time finding employment. I believe one has part time work lined up already. It is not really about the money, I honestly wouldn't ask them for money as long as it was a short term arrangement. Like stated above there is just no way in hell, I am going to live with 3 women at this point in my life, especially man hating lesbians. I also picture this being months, not weeks.
Tonight I am making plans for the apartment I am going to build in the last stall of my garage just in case I have to leave.
Pray for me pelicans.

Man, I would work OT on finding them a place to live other than yours.

How many bathrooms do you have?

If they do move in the first thing you should do is buy stock in Charmin, the toilet paper company.

BTDT - you should politely decline.

A week or two while the moving vans do their work is one thing. Six months is too much.

Now I know I have heard everything...and Good Luck with your new family! LOL

Add four people to my household?

No. Especially relatives. Two would be real tough, four - NO WAY. It's easy to throw out unrelated people, but family is defines the ties that bind and gag.

Rent them a trailer, in a trailer park. Them on the rental as responsible party, you pay the first couple of months. Tell them this will give them a "good start" and "their own private space" while they get their feet under them.

Then walk away. You'll have given them a roof over their heads, privacy, a sense of independence, and a way, way bigger opportunity than most people would. Probably get this done for a couple of grand or less. It will prove a bargain in the end....

angela

Just now realized that I have no problems....

Do the right thing. GOD will bless you.

She knows better but if she did, I'd tell her hell no and that if she was dumb enough to bring it up again she'd be looking for a place to stay.

I don't like strangers in my house. I don't even like friends in my house for very long.
It's mine, it's my sanctuary, it's where I'm comfortable, and I purposefully do not allow others to intrude on that.

Besides, people suck more than anybody.
Now get off my lawn, I'm totally serial.

I've peed on his lawn....

Should we be keeping an eye on the news out of Orange, Sammy? :D

We had the Room Monkeys for 17 months. Of hell.

Ian

Start bathroom remodels or decide to rip the kitchen out now.

rjp

I like Angela's advice.
Someone once said, regarding motorhomes, that "no matter the size, you can entertain six, feed four, and sleep two." I think you could say the same for your home.
Do you have a separate guest wing?
Ideally a house will have a separate bathroom for each occupant.
Good luck,

Welcome them in with open arms... They're family and that's it.

It won't hurt I promise. :rolleyes:

Are you OK with the dyke in law spending all that quality time teaching your kid what she believes? Are their 2 kids as well behaved as yours?
What if they can't find a place right away? What if there is a snag in getting financed due to some stupid snafu that has nothing to do with their credit worthiness? Once they move in, you will be lower than pond scum if you throw them out (even if you put them up somewhere else). Better to say no up front.
My motto is "Fish and company stink after 3 days"

I'd say NO. And that would be that.

For the short term, this is the correct answer. No question. But there has to be an explicit end game.

Ian

You cram 3 whole people into a 4-br house?!? I bet you only have 2.5 bathrooms as well. How do you manage that? Crazy...

Just me, but I would help family. Of course, there would be an explicit time limit set. If they're successful in their medical fields, they can start applying now for the area they wish to live in. Logistics are always an issue, and in a situation like this I wouldn't give an affirmative answer unless they knew exactly when they would be moving into their own place. I wouldn't give them more than a month, otherwise, they suck at planning.

The fact that they are same sex, or have African-American kids is irrelevant.. They are asking A LOT, and you'd be fully within your rights to refuse.

They are family and should be treated like family (even if they are a bunch of nasty ol' dykes).

I think they should stay but a finish date on this "favor" needs to be set. Say that they are more than welcome to stay for a month.

What ever you do will turn out badly.........say no and everyone will hate you. Invite them to stay and the same result will happen. As others have mentioned, find them a place while they get their lives in order so yours dosen't get turned upside down.

No way!!!

Sounds like it's going to happen. A garage upgrade may be the only thing that protects your sanity.

Not only no, but hell no. Anyone that is willing to come and impose themselves on you will likely not be a polite house-guest, nor will they leave quickly or easily. You mentioned that they wanted to buy a house, which is all well and good, but why can't they rent for 6 months until they find a house to buy?

My wife's sister was having troubles in life, so we allowed her to live with us while she finished college (supposedly 3 semesters). 3 years of hell later I finally told her that we were moving and she wasn't coming with us. In our 10 years together, nothing has caused more fights between my wife and I, and the experience negatively tainted my wife's relationship with her sister. So I've lived it dude, run like hell.