Question for those with step children

[combatic]

My 'step dad' came into my life around the age of 14. He immediately treated me with respect and gave me guidance when needed and cussed me out when needed but was always fair. That earned my respect and more importantly I actually consider him my father now. This might be different than your situation as your 15yo b/c she sees here father regularly. It is an important job and does have a lasting affect which takes time to cultivate. Life is funny b/c I find myself with an amazing woman right now and she has little ones. Every time it gets difficult I remind myself of why I am the way I am today and how important my 'step dad' was to me growing up and still is today.

Good luck! Sounds like a great kid.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by craigster59

Whenever someone prefaces with "step", I always feel like there is some friction or animosity in the relationship.

However, referring to my step daughter as my daughter is a lie. She has a dad, he lives nearby and always has. Grandma and Grampa are a big part of their lives. I have called them stepkids since day one.

One is over 40 now, so he's no one's child anymore with 3 kids of his own.



I think he's wondered a bit now and then about my decision to not have children of my own. I bet he's jealous from time to time. But, we all know how parents just love their kids.

I suppose you can guess no one calls me grampa.

[azasadny]

Be there for your wife and daughter, let them do most of the talking. Get to know them better, it's not always easy with a teen.

BTW, I call my step-sister Loni.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by combatic

My 'step dad' came into my life around the age of 14. He immediately treated me with respect and gave me guidance when needed and cussed me out when needed but was always fair. That earned my respect and more importantly I actually consider him my father now. This might be different than your situation as your 15yo b/c she sees here father regularly. It is an important job and does have a lasting affect which takes time to cultivate. Life is funny b/c I find myself with an amazing woman right now and she has little ones. Every time it gets difficult I remind myself of why I am the way I am today and how important my 'step dad' was to me growing up and still is today.

Good luck! Sounds like a great kid.

That is a great, powerful post.

Scott, there it is.

[VINMAN]

I have step kids from my first marriage, and my current. My first, I raised all three from when they were children. Their father was never in their lives. I consider them my kids, always have, always will. Now I have grand kids from them. And consider them my grand kids. My first wife passed away in 2002.

My current marriage, I have two step kids. son is 27, step daut is 29. I came into their lives when they were in their early 20's. So I didn't have a hand in raising them, so it is a little different relationship then with my first ones. Plus they are still very close with their dad. But I get along great with both of them, and would defend them to the death as if they my own.

[MMARSH]

While I can appreciate those of you who refer to your "step" kids as their own kids. Every situation is different. As a single father who is completely involved with his children. They have one Father, dad, daddy, pop or old man and that is me. The other man in their life is their "Step" dad. They get along with him fine, but correct anyone who calls him their dad. Personally, I appreciate that....

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by MMARSH

While I can appreciate those of you who refer to your "step" kids as their own kids. Every situation is different. As a single father who is completely involved with his children. They have one Father, dad, daddy, pop or old man and that is me. The other man in their life is their "Step" dad. They get along with him fine, but correct anyone who calls him their dad. Personally, I appreciate that....

Yeah, that's kinda where I stand. I did the day to day raising of the kids (along with their mother, of course) and they respect the life and times they had under my guidance and have told me so.

We're not all that close these days as they have their lives. Whereas the boy and I raced karts for many years, he eventually lost all interest in things car related and I moved on to build a 914 race car, a 911 cafe racer and a 911 custom bumper car. Had he wanted to race the 914, I would have had him in the seat.

So, it would seem that step children, as any children, can be more or less like you...literally.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by milt

However, referring to my step daughter as my daughter is a lie. She has a dad, he lives nearby and always has. Grandma and Grampa are a big part of their lives. I have called them stepkids since day one.

This is the point... technically she is not my blood daughter and her dad is still around... however I would never call her step-daughter, in conversation with her I use her first name (is anyone really that old fashion? "child, come forth!").

Like has been said every person and relationship is unique. If daughter was younger when we got married we could have bonded more... or if she was a he then we could have talked about sports or work on the car together... but that is all pie in the sky, it is what it is.

Unfortunately one of the reasons for the divorce (by my wifes opinion) was that dad would not stand up to his parents. My wife feels that her daughter was slighted by the grandparents because of her ethnicity.

[Rikao4]

I'm sure she's happy you came into her Mom's life..
she's young and confident..
feeling she can take care of herself..
she's seen & heard what her 'father' did /did not do..
take care of your Lady..
your daughter will see the love..
& return same..
because your not like him..

I had a father..
but my Uncle was my Dad..
told him so..
he considered me his son..
which still makes me proud..

Rika

[Rob Channell]

Talk to her about it. Let her know you do not think of her as a step but you also do not want to try to replace her biological father. Respect her wishes if she wants to be referred to as one way or the other.

It seems she has two men in her life instead of one that she can trust to look out for her interests without ulterior motives. Sounds like a win-win for her.