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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Question for those with step children
A little back-story... met my now wife three years ago, I was 53 she was 46 (cradle robber!) her daughter was 15 at the time, they were two years living on their own one year divorced. She lives in Portland OR. I live in Lost Angeles, long story short we have decided to let the daughter finish high school up there (Beaverton) because she is 4.0 GPA doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or go out with boys.
Now before we got married we talked extensively about everything, sex, money, who would be responsible for what duties (and that we would live apart until the daughter went off to college) so we would have a solid foundation for marriage. I post a few weeks ago about my step daughter... Seahawk wisely commented "she is not your step daughter, she is your daughter" And I agree, I would die for her... I put her in my will... However this is extremely weird... four years ago I was a single never married middle age guy with a house that pretty much did whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Now I have this little person... that I hardly know... that I would do anything for. To make things even more strange... her dad is around... they spend every other weekend together. Moving into a teens life at 15 I never expected that I would be a big deal to her... pretty much figured I would play along until she went off to college... now they are flying down in August to look at universities, my wife was all "the two of us will go... you don't need to come along.. it will be a mother daughter bonding thing" I suggested that I could come along and help with driving... wife did not have high hopes but said she would ask her... she said "sure" You could knock us over with a feather. All that to ask, do you refer to your step children as such or just son/daughter?
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone ![]() 1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold ![]() I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. |
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Registered
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 31,528
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Quote:
Who will go the distance? They'll find out, like the Eagles, in the long run. Start jogging ![]() Hang in there...parents and childrens relationships are not build in a day.
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1996 FJ80. |
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We need pics.
Sorry, someone had to say it.
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2022 BMW 530i 2021 MB GLA250 2020 BMW R1250GS |
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The Unsettler
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I have step sisters.
I call them my sisters. I call my step dad my dad, at least now, there was a time 30+ years ago I called him edited-Zman. He calls me his son, he calls my children his grandchildren, they call him grandpa. Paul gave you good advice, nothing to add.
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"I want my two dollars" "Goodbye and thanks for the fish" "Proud Member and Supporter of the YWL" "Brandon Won" |
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Registered
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Baton Rouge
Posts: 1,039
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We been married 2 years. She has 2 boys 14 and 19 and mine are 16 and 17. One can wax emotional about the utopia of a blended family and all thats seems so dreamy. Reality is that she is your step and you are a step. You will NEVER take the place of her father, regardless of how much of a piece of crap that he may be, my situation. I know its hard to be invested in her life and then she may want only her dad to consult with. Thats the life of a step parent. If she wants you to go, AND it won't make things uncomfortable for her with all 3 of you there then by all means go for it. But, keep in mind how she would feel, regardless of what she says. my 2 cents from a step with 2 steps
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Whenever someone prefaces with "step", I always feel like there is some friction or animosity in the relationship.
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------- "There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule" - Mark Twain |
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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Quote:
True dat!
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone ![]() 1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold ![]() I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. |
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canna change law physics
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Quote:
I called my Step-daughter Erin
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Par for the course. I'd lay up from the lie, but if you want to try to carry the green go for it. ![]() |
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1.367m later
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I don't call them "step daughters" nor do they call me "step dad" . Lately I have been referred to as a "rescue dad" though.
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non velox ad propitiare, verisimile non oblivisci If it's not The Original Automotive Innovations and Restoration, then it's just hot AIR. |
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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Which is odd because her name is Dorthy
I call mine Kylie... however what about introductions? We are going to be driving all over Calif. touring universities... I'm fine with "hello I'm Scott and this is my wife and daughter" Like I said, I have been a lone wolf my whole life and I'm not familiar with the intricacies of the blended family.
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone ![]() 1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold ![]() I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. |
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 31,528
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Quote:
Learn to be clear, man.
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1996 FJ80. |
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more denial than lack of clarity
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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Quote:
They are driving from L.A. to Sacramento to visit Davis, 400 miles away (and Santa Barbara along the way). I wasn't wild about the idea of them doing it alone. She asked the daughter if it was ok if I go along... daughter said "sure". So the three of us are going... but not like the daughter invited me but she is ok with me going. Mom likes the idea of having me along to help with the driving but is getting a little clingy with her daughter.
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone ![]() 1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold ![]() I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. Last edited by scottmandue; 06-30-2011 at 01:32 PM.. |
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Registered
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 31,528
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Quote:
Dude, you are golden...they have let you enter the mom/daughter zone. Except for the the driving part, you are a passenger. Well done. I am not kidding.
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1996 FJ80. |
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1.367m later
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Couldn't agree more. Drive the car, carry thier bags and you'll be elevated to Hero status before you get home.
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non velox ad propitiare, verisimile non oblivisci If it's not The Original Automotive Innovations and Restoration, then it's just hot AIR. |
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Not rational, but panic rarely is.
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(As for) Michael Moore:Calling that lying liberal POS propaganda a documentary is like calling PARF the library of congress. I knew it would happen, just not so soon........... |
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least common denominator
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: San Pedro,CA
Posts: 22,506
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Quote:
Now next years trip to Orlando to see Harry Potter... they can have that to themselves. ![]() Weird enough to go from middle age bachelor dude... to husband... and now to father... freaking me out a little. ![]() Just to add, her blood father is very quite stoic type... not very demonstrative... daughter takes after him. So for her to say "sure" when asked if I could join them is major.
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Gary Fisher 29er 2019 Kia Stinger 2.0t gone ![]() 1995 Miata Sold 1984 944 Sold ![]() I am not lost for I know where I am, however where I am is lost. - Winnie the poo. |
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Puny Bird
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Port Hope (near Toronto) On, Canada
Posts: 4,566
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My wife calls her step-dad "Dad".
She calls her real dad the "sperm donor".
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'74 Porsche 914, 3.0/6 '72 Porsche 914, 1.7, wife's summer DD '67 Bug, 2600cc T4,'67 Bus, 2.0 T1 Not putting miles on your car is like not having sex with your girlfriend, so she'll be more desirable to her next boyfriend. |
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