I rent my place in VA out, which is a similar distance, and I use no mgt. company. Even still, I'm losing about $250 a month when nothing at all goes wrong. But I can afford it. And it's well worth the quality of life in AZ. Get your family out to ABQ and forget about using the NJ house as anything other than minimizing your loss, financially and emotionally. Get it done and take this as a lesson to never get emotional about a house again.

you weren't.

^ this is priority #1. Do whatever it takes to get your family together. If you have to drop the house another $100k to get it to sell and make it happen, it's still worth it. If you have to take a foreclosure to make it happen, it's still worth it. If you can rent it out and cover costs, even better.

These long distance situations have expiration dates. They're different for everybody and for some it's a very long time. But many don't realize they've passed that date until it's too late. Not worth the gamble.

There are some tax incentives for landlords; upkeep, taxes, professional services can all be written off, there might be others.

You are not being shot at, on your third deployment in five years and you control your destiny. Focus on the gifts life has bestowed, on you and your family. Tell them just how lucky, really, you all are.

I was gone most of the first five years of my marriage, then much of my kid's first ten years. My wife and I were first and foremost a solid front: We made the decisions and we we stupid enough to make it work.

The kids: I would sit them down, and they were very young, and talk to them about what WE were going to do, how much WE had to do. Dad had things to do, but SO DID THEY. Set expectations, involve them, never falter.

If you acknowledge the cost, then focus on the benefits as well, welcome them as MFAFF wrote. That is key.

The best family memories are made out of these days, Aurel. You and your wife get to choose.

When my father was deployed to fight, I was eight. He sent reel to reels, letters, photographs and, trinkets.

Just do the modern version of that and you'll be fine: They know you're gone, but what they most want to know is that you care about them.

I'm a Realtor and know NJ real estate. Lower the price until it sells. Price sells houses. Renting will be a pain and the market is not coming back in NJ for a good long time. Taxes will keep going up and in 2 or 3 years, after you have a renter or 2 bail on you or stop paying rent but not leave, or a pipe burst or storm flood or kitchen fire, you'll wish you sold when things were better. Sell now, move on and have a good life. Don't think about what you paid, what you once were able to sell for or how much you are "loosing".
Lower the price, lower the price, lower the price.

I'm a finical duma$$... so I will give you my advice.

A. If you want to save your investment in the NJ house rent it out.

B. If your priority is to move your family and get a house in NM cut the price and sell.

I rent out my front house that is twenty feet away... and it is a PITA... however I bought the property over ten years ago and the rent just about covers the mortgage.

It seems like if you rent you will just get the PITA part.

If I were in your place I would do B.

But you are not me.

As far as the nightmare I do feel for you... but you have a wife, a family, a job (when many don't) count your blessings.

Sage advice.

Stage it and sell it. Put it behind you and move on. You are not in a position to accept the risks listed above. Not financially, and not geographically.

Your spouses inability or unwillingness to accept/see the financial reality should not change your decision.

Your only other option is to seriously look for work back in NJ. I doubt that is an option for you.

Great advice all around, some say sell, some say rent, so here is the plan:

1. We are getting a 6 month lease on a 3 bedroom apt., I am moving in next week.
2. Our final move is set for August 8 (movers were booked for earlier). I fly there and bring my family back.
3. We leave the house on the market for August, give more time to our new agent to sell it, reduce price one more time.
4. If it hasn't sold by september, we rent it.

Done. The trick is just to go by the plan now...

One thing I'll throw out is that perhaps the house hasn't sold because you don't have a good real estate agent. I've been around sales enough to know that it is a real art, and it takes a lot of work. In my experience, 9 out of 10 real estate agents are idiots (strong word, that) and they don't know how to sell. It's not an easy job to do right.

If it was my money on the line, I'd interview a bunch of agents, pick a good one, and come up with a strategy to sell the house. You may have to spend a little money on it, to get it ready to sell. You might have to negotiate a better commsission, if they can deliver in a certain length of time.

If I had any doubts about the current agent, I'd do this before giving up. I'd also rent a house in NM, if it came to that, rather than an apartment. If you can make the NJ house cash flow as a rental, $2.5k a month ought to get you a rent house in NM.

I don't know how old your wife is, but if she's anywhere near 50, the depression could be a hormonal thing. Her doc could help that.

Good luck,
JR

This is where Notfarnow should chime in. If he comments on diesels or house sales listen. Just ignore all his other comments.... ;)

We've had two very bad agents already. The first one got a low ball offer of $375k, and she did not even negotiate it or asked us our opinion!!! She just discouraged the buyer. We would have sold right away if she had known her job, so she got fired.

The second agent made it very clear from the begining that she would like our house for herself, but did not have a downpayment so would like a lease with option to buy...Hello? Can you say conflict of interest? You are supposed to sell the house, not keep it for yourself...so she got fired too.

Both were provided by the relocation company. Both sucked.

Now the third agent is the one who sold us he house, and we know him very well. He is the best, much more proactive, has many contact, knows the area very well. We are totally confident that if he cannot get the job done, nobody can.

When you're going to be paying someone tens of thousands of dollars......

A). Have a few friends "mystery shop" your Realtor with documentation. The realtor will try to ask them every question under the sun, but remind them to keep their mouth shut.

B). If he/she doesn't return calls, bother to show the place, etc., that would be grounds for negating an exclusivity-contract(usually 1 year). His/her manager will assist in this when you show him/her proof and the damages you might possibly claim.

C). Get another realtor.

Or, professional management companies can send you the rent checks for 10-15% plus hourly maintenance. Many companies won't even bother with a single address, though.

Be careful and research before. I found only a single semi-competant one out of the ten called in my wealthy college town. They can claim it is unoccupied and keep the money, not even bother to advertise it, bill you for claimed non-work, etc, etc, etc..

How do you know this? Does your realtor not have a duty to disclose? Isn't she on the hook legally now?

She did not let the buyer make a written offer. She called my wife and told her, my wife asked what counter offer should we make (it was $90k blow asking), and the agent said "I would not let you counter such a low offer". Since it was all verbal, there is not much we can do about it.

From the sounds of it, renting it will be delaying the inevitable. It'd be different if you could realistically expect the market to improve noticeably in a year. Do you expect that to happen? Do you want to be renting it in 3-4-5 years?

Also, renting it will make it HARDER to sell. No matter how nice they are, they will not take care of it like you will. And it is NOT fun or easy to sell a house that's rented. Think they will make it show really well?

Amen. I'm a Realtor in New Brunswick, same advice. Get a good agent, get the place staged, get it priced RIGHT.

Also agree that if you owe 310k, then you are in a better position than many... sounds like you can come out clean. Don't get hung up on what it used to be worth... focus on what it will be worth a year from now.

I have dealt with homeowners in your situation. It's really tough. You want the equity that was there when the market was good, and it's hard to let go of that number. You HAVE TO, and eventually you WILL. It's a question of time, and how much suffering you will be able to handle before reality sets in.

My advice: Get a great agent in NY and get him/her to do this:
Host an agent open house & lunch, inviting PRODUCING agents to come view the property. Make sure they invite agents with competing listings, and agents who have sold similar properties. Get them to set up a contest: every agent has to guess what the house will sell for. The agent who guesses the closest to the actual sale price will win $500. Take all the entries, average them out and list your house within 2% of that number. Find out what the average buying commission is (usually half of the total commission) and post a buying commission 0.5% above that. By the way, offer to pay that $500 prize, if you get 10+ entries from strong agents, it will be the best money you could spend.

Also do this:
Tell your NY agent that when your house sells (in 30 days ;) ) you are going to buy in NM, and you want him to refer an agent. He will probably get a 20-25% referral fee from the NM agent, which is his bonus for a job well done. But tell your NY agent that you expect him to call the broker, and interview a few agents until he finds an aggressive one who is familiar with the types of homes you like. Make sure it's very clear that because you took a lickin' on your house in NY, you are looking to lay a terrible lickin' on a home in NM. Ask for lists of homes that have been stagnating on the market, relisted a few times, etc. Take out all your frustrations on the NM market and get a good deal. Make that part of your "fresh start" story, and take solace in it.

I wanted to update this thread about how our "nightmare" has ended.
I took a 6 month lease on a 3 bedroom apartment in New Mexico, and moved my family and furniture back from New Jersey, leaving the house empty for sale, with a reduced price of $399k.

My very generous company offered to pay my lease for as long as it would take to sell our house, which alleviated a lot of the financial stress.
We got another low ball offer of $325k from a cash buyer, and our excellent real estate agent was able to negotiate it up to $380k, which we have accepted. That is $125k less than we paid, but still leaves enough equity for a down payment. We can now take our time to look for the next house.

I am feeling very grateful for all the help and support that has showed up during this whole process.

Congrats! In 2 years, $325 will sound like a fortune for that house.

Congrats and good for you and your family. I have been in those shoes and mine was on the market for 2 years. Finally sold for about 95K less than appraised value. After a while it "to heck with the cheese, get me out of the trap". 2 years later. its just a memory and the pain has gone...

Congrats. It's a tough situation, but I think you did the right thing. Now you have peace of mind and can move on.