The Dreaded Friend Zone

[tweezers74]

I guess one of the advantages of being one of the few female posters is having a glimpse into the minds of men. So help me out.

I know how it is for guys to be in the friend zone but I have never been in the friend zone when I have not wanted to be. Soooooo... is it possible to get out of the friend zone as a woman? Advice? Pointers? And why would a guy keep a woman in the friend zone? He flirts. We go out together... alone. No other friends. I know some of his friends and we used to go out with them but now, when he invites me out, it is just me and him. We talk, text, e-mail on an almost weeekly basis if not daily. He's told me he thinks I am awesome. He thinks I am smart. Says I am very attractive. He even got me a thoughtful Christmas present. So what's the deal? I have backed off majorly since he said he just wanted to be "friends". I don't smother him. In fact, gone out with other guys since he has said the f word. Haven't mentioned that fact to him though. Should I?

I am kind of scared of the responses I will get but hey, why not get advice from the source? Thanks, guys!

[widebody911]

Take your clothes off. If he won't hit it, he's gay.

[pwd72s]

Maybe he's gay? To tell the truth, I didn't have women "friends" to the sense we'd hang out together. That was when I was single...which is now just a vague memory.

[vash]

serious question. have you been intimate?

i've done it..and my brother is doing it currently. i did not sleep with her but she ended up in the zone. honestly, i said all the complimentary things. beauty, smarts..etc. but something just wasnt there for me. to be honest, i cant remember the reason..but it was stupid and minor. like i hated her laugh or something..like i said..stupid.
oh, god..i remember why. it WAS STUPID!

i like hanging with her..but refused to step up the game. she eventually called me on it..and left me friendless.

my brother complicated the thing by sleeping with his friend. jezus.

[Zeke]

It is tough for a normal male to spend much time around a particular female without the "thoughts" of what it would be like. So, I'm gonna go with widebody on this.

[nostatic]

I've been friends with women that I dated and for whatever reason it didn't "click". If there is some common ground then why not spend time together? It works fine if both parties are on the same page. For me it was/is easy because I'm involved with someone else. And often they are as well. But I also have gone out as friends with women who were still actively looking. They just knew I was off the table. Not all guys are the same. Not all women are the same. And at some point people can just enjoy each other's company.

Of course they may fall in bed at some point but...

[crustychief]

Originally Posted by widebody911

Take your clothes off. If he won't hit it, he's gay.

Maybe he just has "rails". My best friend is a single guy, he was married for a total of 3 months a long time ago. His "loving" wife kept loving other guys. It has really made him afraid of long term trust ( read commitment ) because of that very short relationship. He has lots of friends zone friends.

[recycled sixtie]

he is not that into you. Meaning that he is not interested enough to pursue it further. You can accept him as a friend and find other fish in the sea. Hope this helps. The harder u look the worse I think it is finding a decent friend/partner. Dont take it personally. it is nice to have females on this forum. Welcome to a great bunch of guys

[Dottore]

Well, you've come to the right place.

First, don't take this personally.

For me (and a lot of men I know) sexual attraction is completely visceral/chemical thing. I have had good female friends all of my life. Many have been attractive. But if the chemical attraction wasn't there—I always tried to ensure the relationship went no further because I knew this could only end in grief. This could be happening in your case.

Unlike women, guys usually know right away whether the woman is someone they want to bed—and if they don't, then remaining friends is far preferable.

Women's feelings tend to evolve. You might meet a guy, but not be really attracted to him until you've spoken to him and spent some time with him. This is not the case with men. We are much shallower.

Of course, all that said, your friend could be gay, or have commitment issues or performance fears or a mother complex or any of a thousand other issues.

Good luck.

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by widebody911

Take your clothes off. If he won't hit it, he's gay.

And how do you suggest doing that in a subtle way? Ha ha!

Originally Posted by pwd72s

Maybe he's gay? To tell the truth, I didn't have women "friends" to the sense we'd hang out together. That was when I was single...which is now just a vague memory.

Not gay.

[QUOTE=vash;6456557]serious question. have you been intimate?

i like hanging with her..but refused to step up the game. she eventually called me on it..and left me friendless.
QUOTE]

No. Hug every time. I am getting to the point where I might do the same. He told me he wanted to be friends when I called him out. And when I told him that I don't know if I want to continue to be just friends with him, he kind of got mad. Said he couldn't believe that I really couldn't be just friends with him.

We have A LOT of fun when we go out. Laugh a lot. Have a lot of similar interests. Phone calls can go for over an hour easy. Last girl burned him. Hasn't been in a relationship in a while. I know he isn't dating anybody seriously. He texts me all the time telling me where he is and his friends text me too telling me that they hung out with him.

I like him a lot but starting to get tired of this game. So if there isn't a chance of getting out of the zone, I am going free agent.

[Shaun @ Tru6]

if he's straight, he's intimidated by you. From your posts, you seem to be something of a force of nature. Not all guys can handle that, and some don't want to; it's a lot of work keeping up.

but I think Thom has it right. You'll have to make the first move, just make sure you have this handy, and some Kleenex.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Not all women are the same. And at some point people can just enjoy each other's company.

Definitely...I have female "friends" now, but it's more a couples thing...people who are friends with both Cindy & I. But hang out together? In a situation similar to a date? One of these ladies and I? Just ain't gonna happen.

[tweezers74]

Originally Posted by crustychief

Maybe he just has "rails". My best friend is a single guy, he was married for a total of 3 months a long time ago. His "loving" wife kept loving other guys. It has really made him afraid of long term trust ( read commitment ) because of that very short relationship. He has lots of friends zone friends.

Simply put, the last girl was the one. Cheated on him, got married to the other guy. Burned.

[9dreizig]

Hate to break it to you,, but you just might not "do it" for him.. Chemistry is a funny thing..
"the bod has a mind of it's own" Can't change chemistry..

[Rikao4]

you seem strong & confident..
that can scare many straight guys..

so just..
are we gonna do this or what..?
if he reply's 'what '....
have your gaydar tuned up..

Rika

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by 9dreizig

Hate to break it to you,, but you just might not "do it" for him.. Chemistry is a funny thing..
"the bod has a mind of it's own" Can't change chemistry..

That too...But when I was single, I didn't hang out in a date situation with girls I wasn't attracted to. Working 6 days per week, guess I didn't want to waste the time? But hey, that was nearly 4 decades ago...like I said, vague memories.

[vash]

if you have brought it up..being more than friends and he likes the situation to stay put...

then the ball is clearly in your court. it's go time. stay friends or bail. simple. sounds like he is not that into you. it happens. nothing personal.

for me, i had to try to set my friend up a a guy i knew. she got PISSED! and took me aside to have "the talk" over pancakes. nothing effs up perfectly good pancakes like "the talk".

good luck. i would stay friends, and find another target for the other duties.

[LeeH]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

Simply put, the last girl was the one. Cheated on him, got married to the other guy. Burned.

I have a very close friend who had the same thing happen to him. He's fairly scarred for life emotionally. Every time he meets a woman whose interesting he's in fear that she'll cheat on him and he'll have to go through the same level of emotional pain. How long ago did your guy friend go through this?

[1990C4S]

Originally Posted by tweezers74

He told me he wanted to be friends when I called him out. And when I told him that I don't know if I want to continue to be just friends with him, he kind of got mad. Said he couldn't believe that I really couldn't be just friends with him.

I would interpret this as 'asked and answered'. Move on.

[JeremyD]

Get drunk together - Seriously. tends to impair your judgement and lower some of those self imposed fences...