The Food Court Blues

[Mo_Gearhead]

Shopping. Women seem to enjoy it - men, not so much. I think it’s entwined into our DNA. So when the wife convinces me to accompany her to the Mall, we agree on a place and a time to reconvene - then she disappears into the mass of humanity.

I usually wander down to the food court, purchase a glass of lemonade or sweet tea and one of those warm pretzels. I find a small table and settle in.

What I do enjoy is people watching. Although not as interesting in the winter months when the coats, long wool skirts and additional clothing conspire to conceal that tall, attractive, thirty-something MILF’s body, she is the exception. If I were KING, a lot of these people would be forced to wear overcoats year-round.

Two young women waddle by, both pushing baby carriages. I estimate them to be late teen/early twenties. Neither appear to have wedding rings and neither seem to have missed any meals in their young lives. I watch them go to the pizza kiosk and purchase their pizza and two huge soft drinks that would probably nourish a small community. Pity the children.

There goes a guy in a leather jacket and pants and heavy boots. A black brain-bucket with a full face shield dangles from his fingers by its straps. As he passes I expect to see the Harley logo on his back, but it’s bare. A pony tail, half way down his back, contrasts with his balding head. Bikers in winter = tough enough in my book.

Another couple sit a few tables away. They both appear to be texting and seem to be enthralled with their mobile devices, occasionally bending to sip at their drinks from the upturned straws; their thumbs never stop pecking. Even with the cold Midwest winter he’s in some type of cutoff pants that end just past his knees and a gray t-shirt and flip-flops. Much of his body is covered in tattoos. The female with him has so many piercings in her lips, nose and ears, she could possibly have been the only survivor of a explosion in a nail factory. No - I won’t ask.

Strange. I look about and …WTF!. Are some of these people staring at and somehow evaluating the old guy with the pretzel? ( Why you bassturds! )

Now is the winter of our (my) discontent. *Sigh* - I’m ready for spring.

[ramonesfreak]

When I was 17,
It was a very good year,
It was a very good year,
For small town girls,
and soft summer nights,
We'd hide from the lights,
On the village green,
When I was 17.

When I was 21,
It was a very good year,
It was a very good year,
For city girls,
Who lived up the stairs,
With all their perfumed hair,
And it came undone,
When I was 21

When I was 35,
It was a very good year,
It was a very good year,
For blue-blooded girls,
of independent means,
We'd ride in limousines,
Their chauffeurs would drive,
When I was 35.

But now the days are short,
I'm in the autumn of the year,
And now I think of my life as vintage wine,
from fine older kegs,
From the brim to the dregs,
It poured sweet and clear,
It was a very good year.

[asphaltgambler]

Funny man, made me laugh out loud! "Had to have been the sole survivor of a nail factory explosion"

[GH85Carrera]

On the VERY few occasions my wife has drug me to the mall I drive. I park by the Sears tool department. We go in that part of the store and I don't leave. When she is done she can find me still looking around. Usually with something I did not know I needed, or some obscure wrench. The only other part of the mall I will go to is the movie theater and only to see a good movie.

I never go to Wal Mart. I don't want someone to take my picture and post it on the people of Wal Mart web site.

[Zeke]

Well written, Mo.

[Hugh R]

I go to the Mall with something in mind to buy, like a pair of slacks. I may not know which slacks until I get there. I buy them,and leave. My wife goes there to see what there is to buy.

[Rick Lee]

I might go into a mall once a year and try hard not to. If I must because of the wife, I'll find a bar and start drinking. Malls are cesspools of humanity and I hate everyone already. Booze makes it easier. Ok, I do browse the high end watches sometimes.

[scottmandue]

Men are hunters, when we go shopping we know our prey... we seek it... buy it... take it home.

I feel bad about using a salespersons time unless I'm ready to buy... wife, not so much.

This is one great advantage of cell phones, if I get "lost" in the store she can find me when she is done.

To be honest I am lucky... my wife is not much of a shopper... thirty minutes and her feet hurt and she is ready to go.

[madmmac]

You spelled mall wrong.....it's maul. For me anyways.

[vas930]

Nice work, Mo.

[RWebb]

good work!

now fill in the rest of the text based on this mod of your initial sentences:

Shopping. Men seem to enjoy it - women, not so much. I think it’s entwined into their DNA. So when the I convince the wife to accompany me to the Junkyard, we agree on a place and a time to reconvene - then she disappears into the mass of car parts with a picnic basket...

Just as I was looking up from a '47 PowerWagon suspension arm, full of jubilation, I saw her eyeing...

[porsche4life]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

The only other part of the mall I will go to is the movie theater and only to see a good movie.

The theater in the Mall isn't worth it.... The Warren in Moore is my preferred theater up there....

[Zeke]

Malls are cesspools unless you happen to hit Fashion Island in Newport Beach.

But then again, if you have said in the past, "Someone please buy her a hamburger," you should stay away. Land of the thousand dollar suits that no one wears unless they are going to a funeral. The ladies, well, that's just for the shoes.

[GH85Carrera]

Sid, the theater in Moore is almost as far away from me as you. Well almost. Quail Springs mall has a good theater complex.

[mjohnson]

Food courts fail for one primary reason - no booze.

We live far from any malls. When we went to Denver we'd go to one mall in particular - one with a restaurant/bar next to Nordstroms. Liquor up (both of us) before heading into the fray. Amazing what a few martinis will do for shopping. That bar closed last month. We may be interweb-only from now on...

Enough with food courts - who doesn't want to stab someone in the neck after dealing with mall parking lots?

[Drdogface]

I live in a town of 13,0....what is a Mall



Well written Mo

[jyl]

I go to the mall a couple times a month. Kids want to go to a movie, shopping or ice skating. I walk around and check out certain stores. Count the customers in the cash wrap lines at AEO and ARO, see how deep the sale rack is at GPS, look at which brands have most shelf space at ZUMZ, which brands had to sell inventory to ROST and TJX, count the shopping bags carried, and generally try to get some useful work info out of it. Makes the waiting around tolerable.

[Evans, Marv]

We usually don't go to a mall unless we go to see a movie. Afterwards my wife usually likes to look at clothes or shoes and usually buys one item and then we're gone. I tag along and try to encourage her to only go into stores that have places for men to sit. If a store doesn't have someplace to sit, I sort of gruffly say I'm going to sit on one of the benches in the center of the walkway. Then I complain to every employee I can find when walking out of the store about the fact they don't have places to sit. I tell them if they had some place for the men to sit, they might sell more stuff. Lots of times they agree. Sometimes they just give me a strange look. Sometimes I wonder why.

[porsche4life]

Originally Posted by GH85Carrera

Sid, the theater in Moore is almost as far away from me as you. Well almost. Quail Springs mall has a good theater complex.

Ya... Just subtract that first hour out of my drive.....


And you mean you don't go to Crossroads? You afeared?

[rusnak]

Very entertaining read. I usually compensate myself for enduring the mall with an Orange Julius.