single dads?

mixer911 · 08:10 PM

kids are great

Jim Bremner · 03-06-2012, 11:48 PM

Sam,

I'm 45 and my two sons are 22 and 17.

15 years ago my wife and I split up. Yes, it was bad on our boys. Our youngest was 18 months old. Ex split to another state. I raised my sons. It was the right thing.

There's far more things to say...but I wanted to reply quickly to help you with this tonight. stay strong and raise her well.

mixer911 · 08:15 PM

Thank You
Jim...good on you..I think I might
understand you a bit.

sc_rufctr · 03-07-2012, 12:17 AM

I raised two girls and one boy on my own... Very long story but basically their mother opted to live in another state.
It worked out well for me and my kids. My girls will be 22 and 23 this year and my son turns 16 this month.
My mother helped me with school drop offs and pick ups but basically everything else was down to me.

Is it right for you and your daughter? I don't know... Not enough info to comment but she's with you know so just get on with it.

They'll be lots of challenges but believe me you CAN do it because you love her.

mixer911 · 03-07-2012, 12:30 AM

Peter great to hear
She is cuter than a bug,thankyou for your imput.

mixer911 · 03-07-2012, 12:38 AM

I'm wondering how many men outthere on ths forum have child problems
with the exes that may like to vent,or get info

Jim Bremner · 03-07-2012, 12:53 AM

check pm

s_morrison57 · 03-07-2012, 01:35 AM

I was a single dad for about 4 years and it was the toughest thing I've ever done, with out the help of my family, my sister mostly, I would not have made it. I can never thank my sister enough nor can I ever repay her for the help she gave me.
Its tough and a super challenge being a single parent but it sure is worth it.
Finn

scotricker · 03-07-2012, 03:57 AM

I was a single dad for many years while raising my three kids, during a long dramatic divorce with their mom in another state. They're all grown now, and two of them have children of their own, and we're all best friends. It was good for them to know that I loved them and cared for them all through everything that was happening.

My daughter is the oldest (29 now) and I have two sons. Of these three, my daughter is truly one of my best buddies, enough so that my present wife used to get jealous sometimes that I am so close with her. We talk and text and joke around all the time, even though she lives really far away from me.

So, I think now is your time to bond with your daughter. She's the most important person in your life right now. You have a few years until she'll be a teenager, and you'll be challenged then for sure. We had our stomping, door slamming episodes at around 14, but it was short lived, she got over it.

Sure, it would have been better to keep the entire original family, but we all do what we've got to do when situations change. Do your best, and listen to her. She's a woman, after all, just a little one.

Seahawk · 03-07-2012, 04:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scotricker

but we all do what we've got to do when situations change. Do your best, and listen to her. She's a woman, after all, just a little one.

I have nothing to add other than my admiration for all of you that take on the role of single parent.

Outstanding, Gentlemen.

Jim Richards · 03-07-2012, 04:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scotricker

So, I think now is your time to bond with your daughter. She's the most important person in your life right now. You have a few years until she'll be a teenager, and you'll be challenged then for sure. We had our stomping, door slamming episodes at around 14, but it was short lived, she got over it.

Sure, it would have been better to keep the entire original family, but we all do what we've got to do when situations change. Do your best, and listen to her. She's a woman, after all, just a little one.

Great advice! Stay involved in your daughter's life/interests as she grows up, Sam, and make sure you let her be involved in your life/interests, too. Best wishes to all you single parents out there.

jhynesrockmtn · 03-07-2012, 05:36 AM

Good for all of you that have been through this. I became a single Dad but with 50% custody when my kids were 14 and 16. I've had it relatively easy. My ex is crazy but still a good mom and person. For those truly doing this on your own it is a tough but fulfilling road. Your child will always be in your life. I've had girlfriends come and go. One I thought I'd marry until she made it clear she would always have big opinions about how I related to and parented my children. She was shown the door quickly. She didn't figure out what I thought was clear and have made clear to others in my life. My kids will come first, always.

crustychief · crustychief's Garage

I did it with my three sons, at the time they were 11, 14, and 15. the custody was supposed to be 80% me and 20% ex-wife. It actually was 99.99999% me. It was definitely the correct thing to do in our case ( mom got hooked on meth ) She is off the booger sugar now and has been clean and sober for 5 years now and trying to make a late re-entry into their lives. My current wife is a BSN RN and is studying to be a practitioner. I am a stay at home dad for my two year old daughter. We have a better bond than I ever did with my boys, but I was active duty when they were growing up and was deployed 7 times to the gulf, 2 times to Haiti, and spent a year in Iraq.
Sorry for the long post, but you are doing the right thing for your daughter. Keep your spirits up ( especially when she is observing you ).
Regards,
Sandy

HardDrive · 03-07-2012, 07:53 AM

I am not a single dad, but my wife works 80+ hours a week, and travels frequently. We go through 3-4 week periods when mom is not around. I'm the primary caregiver. I'm 42, my daughter is 8. Its tough sometimes, and I've definitely had to change and grow as a person to make it happen. But its also very rewarding.

I could probably write 10 pages on the subject, but I won't. I'll sum it up this way: I'm glad I was blessed with the opportunity to put the younger more self centered me to rest, and be involved in my child's life.

notfarnow · 03-07-2012, 08:03 AM

I don't know how you guys do it, hats off. I just watched my kids (6mths and 2.5 years) for 9 days while my wife travelled with her sister... it was TOUGH.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixer911

I know many guys fight to have their kids and lose.
Yes I won ,but did my child

Yes, your child won. She is so lucky to have a father who loves her that much. Everything else is logistics, we all learn by trial and error and make mistakes.

peppy · 03-07-2012, 08:04 AM

I have only been a single dad for a few days at a time. I don't know how I could do it.

I do love these few days every now and then.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

I've been one since 2005, but thankfully the relationship with my ex has been pretty good over the years (though rough at first). We have 50/50 split (she M/W, me Tu/Th, alternate F/Sat/Sun) and both try to be flexible. I didn't move that far away (she kept the house), and my flexibility (renting) allowed me to move to a better school district that was still close enough for her to deal with logistically.

I've seen plenty of messed up kids from "proper" 2-parent families. Frankly I think there are many other factors that are more important. I felt like more of a "single parent" when the boy was young and I was still married as opposed to now that he's 15. Perspective, attitude, and having some support structure around are all key.

Oracle · 03-08-2012, 07:35 PM

I fought hard to get my kids 50%, 5yo boy and 2yo girl... (I'm 41)
1 year after (exactly go figure) I still feel when they're with me I'm the happiest man ever.. it's hardest thing I've ever done, the girl pushes my buttons and my boy too..
but at the end of the day they know I love them and that this is home for them (I kept the matrimonial home and kept their rooms intact).

I'm very fortunate the girl I'm dating loves them and they are loving her too..

Money is tight..
Food is sufficient..
No fancy things around here..
My patience is basically gone..
But there is lots of love in this house

island_dude · 03-09-2012, 02:38 AM

I have had 50/50 for the last 4 years. We settled and I ended up with less. The Ex has been really crazy and I look forward to the day when she finds some better form of entertainment than torturing me. My daughter is almost 12 and manages pretty well. The last several months have been hard on her. I finally had to let go a bit. The Ex was going to drag my daughter into the middle of the court. I would have won, but at a great price. I built a great relationship with my daughter over the last several years. I hope that it forms a foundation for the rough teenage years in the future.

Being a single dad is tough. The system works against you in a number of ways. Still, it is well worth it.