Life: Do you do just enough to get by, or push hard?

[Zeke]

Good enough is way too subjective of a term.

[McLovin]

I too am fascinated by (and a student of) this subject.

It's one that I've been fortunate to personally see from many different angles during my life.

For example, I grew up poor as a young child (poor, mixed race neighborhood, so I had poor friends of different races, etc.) So saw a lot of what that's like, attitudes, the life, etc.

But my parents were very hard workers, so eventually they became quite wealthy. So later in my youth I saw what that was like. And also the sacrifices involved with making a lot of money through long, hard work.

I've been schooled at very low level, "Stand by Me" type schools, and the Ivy League. So I've met and been friends with people whose parents were dirt poor and of no influence, and with the sons of senators and governors.

Your post has a lot of loaded words and makes a lot of assumptions that, at one point, I would have agreed with. But, I've changed quite a bit as I've aged.

When I was younger, I was a lot like most high achievers. I never wanted to be "mediocre" (loaded word). I was going to change the world, have a mansion, etc.

So I worked really, really hard. All through school, college, graduate school, very highly paid job at a prestigious international organization, etc.

When I look back, what drove that? For me, mostly fear. Some was fear of being poor and homeless. Fear of being perceived as a failure or "mediocre."

Yes, there were a lot of financial rewards for my work, but there was a huge cost. First was just pure time. My life was not my own, and as I looked at the people ahead of me in my field, their life was even worse. Second was stress. High level, high compensation in the business world rarely comes easy. Third was health. Stress and constant working in a suit generally doesn't help your health.

So, what I did was realize that "mediocrity" is a loaded term. Also, ironically, your statement "Why then, knowing we have such a short time here, do we do just enough to get by?" actually provides the answer to your question.

I took myself off the track I was on, and while staying in the same field, went to a smaller, much less stressful environment. The hours are much, much less. Never work on weekends anymore. I have breakfast with my wife and kids every day, attend every school event, coached baseball and golf, and am at home every day by 5:30 (sometimes 4:30) to spend time with my family.

I've certainly given up millions in compensation to do this. I don't have the prestige of being part of prestigious, international organization. I live in a very nice area, but a very small house that I paid off long ago when I was a lot more money. I don't drive new cars, or very expensive cars.

Am I now mediocre?

I don't feel like it. I don't really know what that word means in this context. I do know that I am very, very happy!

"Why then, knowing we have such a short time here, do we do just enough to get by?"

I'd argue that many do it for that very reason: We have such a short time here, maybe it's best to do what makes one happy, minimize stress, maximize health, etc. Not chase things out of fear of being viewed as "mediocre" by others.

[Hugh R]

I worked really, really hard the first 30+ years of my working life. I have a good stable job at this point, and I enjoy what I do. I'm about six years from "retirement" and I try not to kill myself anymore. In my organization, I really don't have anywhere to move upwards at this point. So I enjoy the opportunities available to me.

[Zeke]

McLovin, you are one of the few unbalanced types that found balance.

[VaSteve]

Interesting. By many people's counts, I'm very lucky with my life. I worked hard to get to the point I'm at, but I don't know what's next. I have a solid job that I could run till retirement (provided the world doesn't end).

Then today, I went to our PCA tech session with my pile of bolts well set up 944 that I have been beating on for years. There are guys that showed up from last season with brand new cars. I feel poor.

On the way home, I went to the BMW dealer to think about test driving a replacement for my 8 year old 325 that I bought new when I had less money. I can't afford anything on the lot any longer.

Some days I feel like I could turn up the wick and leave my comfortable job that many would kill for an go back to the private sector. But for what? More stuff? More stress?


At the same time, I feel guilty about sitting around on the couch in the evenings just watching the TV and surfing the net. I should be doing more with my life.

I'm in a major funk. Funny to find this thread.

[look 171]

it depends now I am a little older. Back 15-20 years ago, I had to come out ahead when racing or doing most things that were important to me. As the years go by, a lot of those things become not so important suddenly, like winning. Still, many things like work or business related stuff, I have to give it my all. I think some slow down is coming around the corner in another ten years. I am not sure is its burn out, but wiser for sure to save one self. This thinking could be all wrong.

[Don Plumley]

Great topic.

I know of a guy that has a job with performance-based compensation. He works a few hours a day and is 2x better than his peers (and 3x money). The rest of the time he plays golf, hangs out or plays with his kid. By all measures he has life licked. Yet for those of us around him that are "strivers" he drives us crazy because we keep wondering, "Imagine how he would do if he really tried?"

I believe that most people that try to achieve monetary milestones in life are (broad brush strokes here) generally unsatisfied and don't reach those goals. If you talk to a room of self-made wealthy folks, the money was an outcome of something they wanted to do very badly. Larry Ellison (CEO Oracle) does not need another dime. But he continues to drive to make Oracle bigger, to race yachts, to win the biggest prick contest, because he can't help himself. He has to win.

In my hobby-job, my business partner is a former 3-Star Michelin Chef from Paris (the pinnacle of achievement for those not in the biz). His attention to detail, to persistence, to doing the absolutely best no matter what is mind-boggling. And is quite challenging to work with. But the results speak for themselves. By the way, almost all the world's top Chef's (real ones, not the TV idiots), are so driven you can't imagine.

For me, my need to achieve is core to my personality. I've always wanted to run the company, to be the leader. I didn't stop pushing until I did, and even now, I want the company to grow faster, deliver better, do more. I'm not running this company as a lifestyle business for me, I have to deliver for our clients, for our shareholders, for employees. So push, push, push.

My father-in-law once told me, "There are more people that want to be the bank teller than the bank president." This is by no means a knock against folks that want to have a good job, make a fair wage, and enjoy what they enjoy. It's just not me.

I don't contemplate "retirement" - not appealing to me at all. I look forward to economic independence of course, but I'm always going to be building something. Pushing. That's why I have the "hobby-job", to build a lifestyle business that is still demanding, but rewarding in different ways.

Okay, back to work...

[nostatic]

What I have come to realize is that you have limited hours on this planet. You also have the ability to take any situation and view it as a plus or a minus. Expectations are a b*tch, and pursuing perfection is frankly a recipe for disaster, at least in my experience.

I was raised by a perfectionist mom for whom nothing was ever good enough. She was an award winning elementary school teacher, usually working with gifted kids. As a mom...she was a great school teacher. I got very tired of hearing about not living up to my "potential" - a word I could come to loathe. After some likely predictable reactions to that environment I got back on track and by most accounts "pushed hard." It took me many decades though (and I'm still a work in progress) to realize how the internal narrative about "perfection" and inability to embrace failure and the discomfort of struggling affects all parts of your life.

I remain obsessive but I try to channel it in productive ways. And I force myself out of my comfort zone when I can and try to be ok with struggling. But it frankly is hard work.

For instance, right now I'm a pretty competent bassist. Typical for me, I set myself a goal (play more live music), and did what was necessary to make it happen (140 shows last year). But because of some other experiences in life and some mind expansion, two months ago I decided to start over with my instrument. So now I'm struggling with scales and exercises that confound my fingers and my brain. Now I could not do this and instead just keep playing the way I was. But I'm driven to do this because I know to get better and be able to say what I'm feeling (and even figure out what I'm feeling) I have to start over and empty my cup (easier said than done).

Of course one of the reasons that I'm doing this is because I want to be as good as I can be. I've avoided wanting to be "perfect", but rather just make profound progress and get to a point where I can fully realize what's in my gut when I play.

As for the rest of it - I've never focused on making money, I just want to do something that I find stimulating where I'm problem solving, making things, and hopefully it helps some people. My path has been far from linear and I've changed courses a few times. Money has really never been the driver for those decisions. But I certainly have "pushed hard" to make things happen and continue to do so. But these days my pushing is mostly around making music and trying to engage the emotions and conversations there. I used to be much more about the head and avoid the heart. Now I'm trying to balance both. The rest of the details will hopefully work out...

[jcommin]

I tell my kids never do anything half way. I mean anything. You never have regrets or guilt because you didn't gve it every effort, especially when you fail. It should never be because of lack of effort.

When I was in the engineering program in College, I had a professor who took issue with getting by. He said to the class. " Are you going into a building or driving on a bridge designed and built by someone who just got by?"

I remember this statement told to me over 40 years ago and it sticks with me to this day. My sons have heard me say this.

Then there is my Greek pride that was drilled into my head as a kid. Take everything away from you: you health, limbs, etc in the end it is who and what you are. That can't be taken away from you.

I don't know any other way.

[LeeH]

I managed a video store (pre-Blockbusters) when I was in college. The owner had a coupe of stores and made really good money. Many of our customers came from trailer parks nearby. One day several of the trailer park folks were in picking up movies. They were making a fair amount of noise, joking around with each other. After they left, the owner said something like, "Those people are too stupid to know that they should be miserable." If mediocrity brings a person joy, then is it a bad thing?

Maybe it's BECAUSE our time here is short that some choose a life of mediocrity.

[Joeaksa]

Sad thing in my life was that I set my initial goals far too low. Had accomplished them by 40 and was no where near ready to give in.

Pushed them up a long way higher and its seemed to work. "Never give up, never say die, and you can sleep when you are dead!"

[Tervuren]

My life goal, is to minimize requirements that life puts on me.

I don't have a smart phone, free's up time, cost less, I live from a combination of a small wooden building in the woods quite some distance from work, and a small back room at work - minimized housing expense, and having a place outside the city with no internet, no phone, its own well, a space to work on my cars, means I can get away from the world, and just de-stress.

My only regular expenses, are food, car insurance, taxes, car expenses, and small utilities(when you're not home 3-4 days a week its not that bad...), company gives me my room, cell phone, health insurance, and health care. When you don't drive into work 2/3rd's of the time, it also saves a heck of a lot on gas.

What this boils down to, is I have savings to do almost whatever I want to. I race karts, sometimes travel for races, even some of that is sponsored. Money in is less than money out in the big picture, but I get to race peanuts compared to what racing normally costs. I get in about 200 laps a week at my local track, that sheer seat time translates to being very adaptable in a lot of different conditions, I can go to a track I haven't been before, and become competitive very quickly.

Whatever I do, I like to do a good job at it. My work comes before hobbies, karting is the only hobby I have that I'm really good at, relentless practice plays off. I also do stop motion with legos, but it takes me over a year to make a five minute movie, I keep not liking my work, and having to redo. New software/hardware would help a lot, but I've just been promoted at work, and learning new stuff has me fairly busy. I've been working with my current employer full time since 16, I'm now 26, I have a very varied work experience, I've been shifted around a lot, I get comfortable with one thing, have it in hand, and about a year later, I get put on something new. My last promotion was the worst so far, all the CNC operators and the programmer were fired within a few weeks. I got handed the work of about three people(how be it, two of those lazy), and I had only dabbled in CNC programming. Talk about a stressful six months. I flatout had to learn to reprogram the machine, two of the past programmers had written code when drunk/high, another past programmer was a teacher, and the difference between class room and real world is enormous. With only me to run the machines. Bad code, and bad fixtures meant I had to deal with major quality issues, in addition to meeting production #'s. A company dropped an order for 4 weeks of production @ 8 hour days that needed to be done in 2 1/2 weeks, on a product that had quality issues. I spent 10 hours running the machines, and the rest of my day in manuals, or editing code. I got the quality issues sorted out(in my previous job, I was on the receiving end of those out of tolerance parts, you better believe I was gonna fix that if possible.) Through thoughtful programming changes, I got production on that part to 150% of what it had been, and massively tightened tolerances at the same time.

I think around that time, is when I started to minimize my life, as work was taking too much time, sleeping at work instead of driving in, etc. After about 6 months, things started to calm down, but I've kept the minimized lifestyle.

As for racing, most people only push to beat the others, and be the top. If you don't have good guys to compete against, you won't develop. If I'm the only guy practicing at the track, I'm not wired to push as hard, as if I've got someone good I'm trying to beat.

The machining work, has honestly been something I've really loved. Getting a machine to spit out tens of thousands of parts that are all within a few ten thousandths of an inch, as fast as possible, without break down or issue, it just clicks with me. I like making things, and I like creating things, and animating machines involves creating code, and that code results in making things, so I'd be happy to have worked that job for life.

A bit of a rambling post, but then, so is this topic. Ultimately, I can be very lackluster, or I can really try to achieve the best, and which I do is situational.

[Tim Hancock]

In regard to racing..... In forms of racing that are not decided by who spent the most on machinery, it does indeed seem like the difference between 1st and 3rd place is often the result of the winner being able to push himself just a little harder towards his perceived edge of control. Motocross (as I assume road racing is too) is an excellant example of this. In amatuer levels, the bikes are always capable of negotiating the track faster. IMO, the rider who can will himself to ride closer to the edge more often will be the winner. When I raced MX competitively in the 90's first in the AMA "C" class and then the AMA "B" class, I won probably 90% of all races I entered. I am the type that cannot stand to know someone is still in front of me and I think my brain would unconsciously note that if the rider I am chasing is still upright, then there is probably room to push slightly harder for the pass.

The first turn in MX always is a hairy deal as up to 40 bikes take off at once to eventually funnel into a small piece of real estate. I was always nervous about this at big races with full gates and sometimes would even think about holding back to avoid a first turn crash.... For me however, all that nervousness/trepidation would go out the window once the gate dropped and I would nearly always end up being one the the top couple bikes exiting the first turn. I found that even if I was 15-20 bikes back in the pack approaching the first turn, I would subconsciously will myself to keep the throttle pinned just a split second longer than anyone in front of me prior to diving on the brakes to negotiate the first turn. Everyone seems to cue off of one another subconsciously about when to flip the switch from wide open acceleration to maximum braking. My brain seems to react differently. I never even knew/realized I was doing this until a friend showed me a series of rapid fire pics that detailed clearly my advancement from 20th to 2nd at the end of the start straightaway. I just assumed I got a good start and was so amped up that I never realized exactly where in the pack I was midway through the straightaway.

Sure skill and experience come into play, but I am convinced that the race results between similarly skilled riders is often decided because of this unconscious competitive "overdrive" that some racers possess.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by nostatic

.......But because of....... some mind expansion......

So, acid helped your bass-playing?

[island911]

Originally Posted by motion

This topic has always fascinated me. I've always been amazed that in motorcycle and car racing, the field is separated by mere tenths of a second in qualifying. When you think of all the variables involved, and the fact that they occur over a length of say, 3 miles, .1 or .2 difference makes no sense. I believe it is more of a human factor, and the need to do "just enough". This also translates to other functions in life, like making money, relationships, your personal weight, fitness and diet, etc.

Of course, there have been people who do extraordinary things, and I believe that they might be immune to this syndrome, and somehow are able to extract something extra from within themselves, through training, education, curiosity, perseverance, etc. But, they seem to be the rare case.

Why then, knowing we have such a short time here, do we do just enough to get by?

Because resources, for every man, are limited. => prioritization.

If you think that effort is the major variable that makes the winning winners win, you would be wrong.

Time resource --We ARE all just ticking time-bombs.
(Aside: I expect that some people who abuse their bodies, on some level don't like their body, their life, and want to check-out on the early side.)

What you are 'born with" -- If you are healthy and happy and smart you have an easy time staying healthy and happy and smart . . . until you are not. Then, no matter what your -will- to be better (or Best) you will not be.

Some people get more time than others . .. some more smarts, or other resources.

...some people strive for trophies to show the world their best status . . .others do not.

[Bill Douglas]

It depends on how you judge yourself, or the game you play.

My Mom once said to me "I've never met anyone who has made so much money and done so little work."

That hasn't always been correct as at one time in my life I was working three jobs -computer tech+waiter+landlord.

I'm only out to please me with my results or "how I rate". Most things I do I set about achieving perfection. Wheras others might say "Perfection. You haven't done anything. You were sitting on the beach all day."

[tabs]

Originally Posted by nostatic

What I have come to realize is that you have limited hours on this planet. You also have the ability to take any situation and view it as a plus or a minus. Expectations are a b*tch, and pursuing perfection is frankly a recipe for disaster, at least in my experience.

I was raised by a perfectionist mom for whom nothing was ever good enough. She was an award winning elementary school teacher, usually working with gifted kids. As a mom...she was a great school teacher. I got very tired of hearing about not living up to my "potential" - a word I could come to loathe. After some likely predictable reactions to that environment I got back on track and by most accounts "pushed hard." It took me many decades though (and I'm still a work in progress) to realize how the internal narrative about "perfection" and inability to embrace failure and the discomfort of struggling affects all parts of your life.

I remain obsessive but I try to channel it in productive ways. And I force myself out of my comfort zone when I can and try to be ok with struggling. But it frankly is hard work.

For instance, right now I'm a pretty competent bassist. Typical for me, I set myself a goal (play more live music), and did what was necessary to make it happen (140 shows last year). But because of some other experiences in life and some mind expansion, two months ago I decided to start over with my instrument. So now I'm struggling with scales and exercises that confound my fingers and my brain. Now I could not do this and instead just keep playing the way I was. But I'm driven to do this because I know to get better and be able to say what I'm feeling (and even figure out what I'm feeling) I have to start over and empty my cup (easier said than done).

Of course one of the reasons that I'm doing this is because I want to be as good as I can be. I've avoided wanting to be "perfect", but rather just make profound progress and get to a point where I can fully realize what's in my gut when I play.

As for the rest of it - I've never focused on making money, I just want to do something that I find stimulating where I'm problem solving, making things, and hopefully it helps some people. My path has been far from linear and I've changed courses a few times. Money has really never been the driver for those decisions. But I certainly have "pushed hard" to make things happen and continue to do so. But these days my pushing is mostly around making music and trying to engage the emotions and conversations there. I used to be much more about the head and avoid the heart. Now I'm trying to balance both. The rest of the details will hopefully work out...

I always did think you were my biggest supporter on this Board. This proves it.

[VINMAN]

Originally Posted by speeder

I'm far from mediocre. I just don't buy into the game that says, "I'm a big man/I have a lot of money/ I have a hot biotch/house/car/etc..."

I do what makes me happy. If that means laying around reading great literature while some other fool is pounding the floor on the stock exchange, so be it. I live with the mindset of someone who inherited 10 million dollars and can do whatever the fk he wants, just w/o all the money.

I won't competete in a lame game. Call me a snob but I'm above it.

Originally Posted by Superman

I want to be good at multiple things. And so, I am unwilling to sacrifice all those gooals except one, which is the price that must be paid for true victory.

I want to be a good father. I want to be a good friend. I want to help people...make society more secure for people and their families. I want to play music and terrorize autocross cones. I want to read thrilling literature. I want to receive the love of a woman, and return the gift. I want to know who I am and what the Universe is. I want to see views from mountain tops and see what fish see. I want to eat, and cook, extraordinary meals.

To some, this means I am mediocre. To me, it means complete victory.

Two totally awesome posts, that mirror my feelings to the tee.

Most of the people that I know or have Ive met in life or, that always strive to be "alpha", or have the best of everything, are miserable bastards when they don't achieve their goal.

[szyzygy]

I strive to be the best at everything I do.

Life is short, make the most of it.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by island911

(Aside: I expect that some people who abuse their bodies, on some level don't like their body, their life, and want to check-out on the early side.).

Food for thought, Island: Some folks feel the fact that we are candles....fires that burn and burn out. They know it in their guts, and they strive to BURN. They want brightness more than longevity. They're not trying to die. They're trying to really LIVE. And yet, as you say, some just want the pain to stop.