any tips on giving a decent eulogy?

[vash]

i have one written..i think i am going to have to read it..not expecting to have my mental A-game going to do it from memory..or from the hip.

[davidbir]

Introduce a little humor if you can-people appreciate it. Also, try to wing it if you can.

[craigster59]

Maybe try some index cards with thoughts and memories organized as a "reminder" , not so much as a word for word speech. Speak from the heart, you'll be fine. Can you inject any humor or does the family want a very solemn service?

[vash]

ok..so dont read. got it.

i can do humor.

[recycled sixtie]

Practise your speech enough in front of a mirror and then u wont have to read it. Practise it on your wife, your neighbors etc etc. Cue cards if necessary as a back up. If you have time go to your local Toastmasters and u can get speaking in front of a group for a couple of sessions before they ask u for the dues. Public speaking can be fun if you do enough of it. I used to write a speech out on paper as it helped me memorize it. Definitely do not read your speech as u need to make eye contact with your audience. Eventually if you are well prepared you will enjoy it.

[flatbutt]

Don't read it. It will sound canned and not from the heart. Go slowly, connect with the mourners, speak from the heart. You don't need to get the words correct, you need to get the feeling across.

[Superman]

Good advice, above. Speak slowly.....pauses are actually GOOD in public speaking. Index cards, so you have reminders if you need them. If appropriate, tell a story about the deceased that shows their goodness and sense of humor.

For example, I eulogized a good friend years ago. I told the crowd about something he used to like to do. When we ate at a diner, he would put a penny on the table as a tip. Then he would hide additional money, plenty of it, under the plates and saucers. He liked to stand outside and watch, until the waitress found the money and smiled.

[asphaltgambler]

I did my fathers 2 years ago. I am the youngest of 4. I wanted to do it in spite of tradition where typically the eldest son does. My father was a prime example of the greatest generation. I felt very passionate about really honoring him.

Even though he was 88, I wanted him to be shown relevant in todays world. He was fascinating man and I wanted his 'story' to be told. I worked on it like a mad man h3ll bent on making that 20 mins the most interesting eulogy ................ever.

I told the story in a relaxed, conversational way looking at my notes, which were in large type AND I told it somewhat out-of-order like Pulp fiction.

After his service I had everyone tell me that the whole thing was very moving and inspiring. One elderly woman came to me and privately said it was the BEST funeral she had ever attended!! I laughed out loud!

Basically I gave it my best effort to honor my Dad, did everything un-conventional.

[Seahawk]

Every good eulogy as a few basic elements (as discussed above):

- Appropriate humor, generally a story about the speaker and the deceased...Supe's quick tale is a perfect example.
- A story about how good of a husband he was to your mother.
- A story about how good a father he was to your family.
- A story about how he was know in the community, the people who are present in the church.
- Finish with what you and your family, those present, will miss most about your father.

Most importantly, keep it at or under 20 minutes.

Slow and steady wins this particular event.

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

put it on 3x5/4x6 cards

talk about something fun specific to the individual (I talked about my Dad finding a specific piece of petrified wood that he was particularly and rightfully proud to own during a hunting trip we went on together, my Sister has the wood in a prominent location in her house)

for me, I had a quote out of the Bible and the Prayer Book. Something small.

think of something happy, be willing to accept thanks and praise for doing a tough job

[bivenator]

Both my parents are still living but the thought delivering a eulogy for them puts a lump in my throat. I would think that being very prepared and familiar with the eulogy may help get past the emotions.

[Kraftwerk]

Difficult depending on how much emotion is present on your part. I realize the people who have dealt with the emotional side of things usually present better. Those which are still hurting often crumble when they get up there. Its a tough thing either way, no one is going to judge you harshly, hopefully, Crumbling is often the most honest thing, alas. But a good speech can be quite helpful and memorable to those that need it most.

[afterburn 549]

Like said above...
But dont "can" it !
Put your thought dwn for each paragraph..then just use the words that come naturally to you.
An other words you have a story about him and what ever
just jot the "what ever" dwn and let your tongue do the rest with out a lot pre made sentences
You can do that for each paragraph.That way you will have eye contact and feel better rather then stare at notes

[McLovin]

I've done it. And seen others do it.

A great, experienced public speaker can do it from memory or a few notes and deliver a great eulogy.

The rest of us need it written out.

IMO, don't go up without having a fully written out script. You don't need to stick to it exactly if you don't want to, but it's good to have as a "safety" just in case, and it is invaluable to use to practice and prepare from. IMO, if you have to pick between one, the content is more important than the delivery. Look at the great speeches in history - they are for the most part all "canned" speeches. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not a memory or adlib contest.

Seahawk's outline is a good one.

[Rot 911]

Originally Posted by craigster59

Maybe try some index cards with

Speaking of injecting humor, when I skimmed this my brain read it as "try something with cards" as "Try a card trick." I'm thinking that would certainly be something different.

[cairns]

Lots of good advice here. I recently had to perform one and used humor and index cards. I memorized what I wanted to say but still the cards were a big help.

I thought hard about the person (my father) and what he meant to me and the family. I relayed that with examples- and a couple of the examples were funny. I did an outline and then wrote the speech. The outline basically became my index cards.

I also kept it relatively short- around ten minutes. You can't chronicle anyone's life even if you take two hours. And, IMO, people don't want to hear it.

Hope this helps...

[Zeke]

The couple of times I did this I felt as if I was looking through a window at the people. Finding someone here and there to look at and make eye contact helps bring you back. Don't glance back and forth, say a sentence at least before moving your eyes to another person.

I think speakers will tell you to look at people and talk to them. Don't speech.

[Seahawk]

I have to add this, not because Cliff would ever think to do such a thing, but a eulogy is not the time for airing of grievances, a critic of the person. I have seen it done and it is like snow on an Easter Sunday egg hunt.

That, and one and only one eulogy. Every child doesn't need to speak. The family must present a united front.

Cliff, you're the last one I would worry about for this special, important duty. Be yourself. It works like an f'ing charm here my friend.

[Jim Bremner]

Please see Death at a Funeral prior

[widgeon13]

I have given three for very close friends and each was unique. I tried to use respectful humor and usually closed with some verse appropriate for the person. I was very honored to have the opportunity to do this but very stressed because I wanted it to be my very best effort. I actually covered the humorous points with the family before I used it in the eulogy.

Most difficult public speaking experience of my life, all three times. I still don't know how I maintained my composure but got through all three and was asked to contribute my remarks to the family, which I was happy to do.