Just A Pointless Venting

[jyl]

I'm sorry about this, but I am just going to vent a little.

My mother in law sold her house and moved to a rented condo in a senior development, after her husband died. She made a new life there and was content. This is in WA, about four hours from where we live.

After a couple of years, around 2006, the condo's owner passed away and his kids put the place on the market. MIL was terribly upset that she would have to move from her new home. My wife and I, and wife's sister (SIL) and sister's husband (BIL) stepped in and bought the condo for MIL to live in. Her rent mostly covered the mortgage and fees, we (the two couples) covered the extra couple thousand per year. BIL handles the on-site things, like when the water heater went out, and keeps the books. MIL had the place remodeled a few years ago, at her own expense. Things were fine.

About a year ago, MIL started getting unhappy. Her best friend next door had died. She now felt isolated in the condo. She was also getting old, less mobile, less able to cook and live on her own, though with a cleaning service it was still manageable. So she wanted to move into a retirement home. There is a nice one in the area, with social activities, meals, on-site caregivers and hairdresser, etc.

So we put the condo up for sale. No idea how long it will take to sell or if we'll get our down payments back. Almost certainly we'll lose anything else we've spent, just as MIL will lose the money she spent remodeling (which she realizes). I'm still okay with it. We didn't do this to make money.

MIL and SIL visited the senior center today. They loved it. With SIL's encouragement, MIL signed a contract and she moves in two weeks. Wife and I get a call from SIL. "Oh by the way, now that mom is moving, we'll have to start paying the mortgage."

Great. Just effin' great. MIL couldn't wait until the condo was sold? She's just going to move out and we start coughing up $700/month (per couple)? Who the hell goes to see a senior center and signs on the spot. What the hell was SIL thinking - she's going to be coughing up $700/mo just like us.

I'm venting here because there is really nothing I can do about it. I'm not going to fuss at MIL, at all. She is an 85 y/o lady, not very bright, with a bad heart, doesnt handle stress well, and probably doesn't have that many years left. I doubt she even thought about the implications of her decision on us. I'm irritated at SIL but not going to get in the middle of the upset that is now going on between her and my wife. I'm just going to write a check every month. However, if this drags on for a long time, the checks are going to add up, by my standard anyway. The condo next door took 10 months to sell.

Argh.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[epbrown]

Yeah, I'm not seeing an issue. Like you said, the old girl doesn't have a lot of years left, and for all we know she could pass before the condo sells. Better to move her in and make her happy now than have her be miserable for a few months that could be her last.

[Hugh R]

I understand your frustration. My 84 y/o MIL lives with us. While she is not a burden, she is a pain in the ass. Cooks, makes a mess, doesn't clean up at all. My wife's siblings can't be bothered to visit her, even thought they all live within an hour drive. 20 years ago, she had well over a million in the bank, now she has nothing, in large part to her supporting one daughter who wanted to stay up with the rich and famous in Los Angeles. My fear is that the old lady is in pretty good shape and I might have to support her for another 10 or 15 years. I'm 58, so well into my retirement. Just what I need.

[jyl]

Ah well. Another alternative that was being considered was for her to move in with one of her kids. We were the only ones who were willing. But we have too many stairs.

[Gogar]

You can't rent out the condo? I don't understand.

[aigel]

If an old person is unhappy in a place and feels lonely, it can be torture and will likely shorten their life. It is good to get her into her new surroundings as soon as possible, so she can get used to them before she further ages. I would look at the bright side and be happy that there are good genetics in your family, your wife will likely live long as well and can take care of you.

I don't know how long it will take to sell the place, but maybe you can get a short term tenant - for example a family member - in there to take the edge off of it.

Have a beer and relax.

George

[jyl]

It would rent at a loss (negative cash flow), BIL is not interested in managing a rental, and it is not a vibrant/recovering RE market (podunk Eastern WA). We (both couples) would like to be rid of the condo as soon as possible with as much of our down pymt back as possible. It was bought as part of taking care of MIL - so that she wouldn't get kicked out of what she'd come to consider her home - don't want to it to become a crap "investment". I'll "invest" whatever I get back into my own house . . . Which needs to be painted.

[A930Rocket]

Good luck with the MIL and the sale.

My MIL lives with us and has for 12 years. At 84, she's doing pretty good, but she's a PITA.

Her other kids (3) have never spent a dime to support her, as she has no money. Just us.

[Dottore]

Filial piety is a great virtue, and I am a strong believer in it. But it often doesn't come cheap, as you are discovering. I could tell you similar, albeit much more expensive stories. Count your blessings.

[rnln]

+1.
Do you think you can put the place for rent while selling it?

Guys, you might want to think of it this way. Do you rather make more and therefore you'll be the one who support the MIL, or you want to be poor therefore you don't have to support anyone? Just trying to make you feel better

Originally Posted by epbrown

Yeah, I'm not seeing an issue. Like you said, the old girl doesn't have a lot of years left, and for all we know she could pass before the condo sells. Better to move her in and make her happy now than have her be miserable for a few months that could be her last.

[wdfifteen]

Originally Posted by epbrown

Yeah, I'm not seeing an issue. Like you said, the old girl doesn't have a lot of years left, and for all we know she could pass before the condo sells. Better to move her in and make her happy now than have her be miserable for a few months that could be her last.

+1
But, I understand how frustrating it can be when decisions that affect you (to the tune of $700 a month!) are made without your input.

[jyl]

Good perspective, guys. Thanks. I'm over my hissy fit. I think.

[Jim Richards]

Sorry about how things transpired, John. If it helps, the strain on your MIL to have to live in the condo while it's on the market would probably be substantial. The increased cash flow is unfortunate, but hopefully it'll sell quickly. Best wishes on all this working out well for all parties.

[944Larry]

Originally Posted by NotaBRG

Stop paying the mortgage and let the bank take the condo back.

That would screw up their credit for a good while. No-win deal here.

[LWJ]

John,
You are a good and loving Son in Law. Sometimes it sucks to be a good guy. I have a MIL that will give me a similar situation at some time. It is unfortunate but it happens.

Look for positives here. One, you are doing the right thing by a fragile and vulnerable person. Two, you are being a quality role model for your children. Good Karma.

Best of luck,
Larry

[mepstein]

Lower the selling price and get rid of it quickly. A little pain now is better than bleeding for 10+ months.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by mepstein

Lower the selling price and get rid of it quickly. A little pain now is better than bleeding for 10+ months.

That was what I was going to type. When I reached the bottom of the page, you said it.

Dump that place. Do it on your own if you can and save the fees. Hire a sigh spinner and run some ads. Flood CL. Offer to cooperate with a broker.

[944Larry]

Originally Posted by NotaBRG

That's green if you couldn't tell...

Ouch, you're right. I need to be more observant, don't I!

[RWebb]

Originally Posted by jyl

Ah well. Another alternative that was being considered was for her to move in with one of her kids. We were the only ones who were willing. But we have too many stairs.

maybe you are lucky

- you might consider adding more stairs

[Rikao4]

your lucky..
unlike my MIL..
she's not writing checks..
or running up tabs..
her kids always babble about her being old..
then again..
they pay very $$ to keep this farce going..

it' her Mom..
and that is the only reason....
I keep my mouth shut and look for pen..

Rika