what to tell my son about pushing back on a bully

[twobone]

So here is the update.

The bigger kid (who the school cannot seem to handle) was sitting on my son at recess rubbing dandelions on his head. My son who was humiliated gets up and tells him off and pushes him.

The big kids pushes back and starts swearing his head off.

A bit later two of my son's buddies ask him whats wrong. My son tells them and they each tell the big kid off. They each get pushed and sworn at. So nice to see my son has buddies that will stand up for him....awesome!

Later when they head back to class, the big kid ends up pushing the teacher out of the way when he walks into class. When asked what happened my son tells the full story.

They both have detention today and have to right a two page letter about what they would have done differently. My wife started telling him that what he needs to write is that he should have just gotten up and walked to a teacher (i.e. what the school wants to hear).

I changed the discussion to confirm that we think he did nothing wrong and that he has the right to defend himself and that it sucks that he has to share the same punishment.

If this happens again and the school takes the same approach, I will be talking to the school about how they are failing to appropriately deal with a troubled kid.

Thanks for the viewpoints guys

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by twobone

So here is the update.

The bigger kid (who the school cannot seem to handle) was sitting on my son at recess rubbing dandelions on his head. My son who was humiliated gets up and tells him off and pushes him.

The big kids pushes back and starts swearing his head off.

A bit later two of my son's buddies ask him whats wrong. My son tells them and they each tell the big kid off. They each get pushed and sworn at. So nice to see my son has buddies that will stand up for him....awesome!

Later when they head back to class, the big kid ends up pushing the teacher out of the way when he walks into class. When asked what happened my son tells the full story.

They both have detention today and have to right a two page letter about what they would have done differently. My wife started telling him that what he needs to write is that he should have just gotten up and walked to a teacher (i.e. what the school wants to hear).

I changed the discussion to confirm that we think he did nothing wrong and that he has the right to defend himself and that it sucks that he has to share the same punishment.

If this happens again and the school takes the same approach, I will be talking to the school about how they are failing to appropriately deal with a troubled kid.

Thanks for the viewpoints guys

You need to put them on notice. The next time they won't be hearing from you, they'll be hearing from your attorney and you will look to file assault charges against the kid and criminal/civil negligence charges against the entire administration.

Go get a restraining order against the kid.

Let the school have fun dealing with that on a daily basis.

You need to make dealing with you more of a pain in the ass than dealing with the kid.

[craigster59]

Originally Posted by MMARSH

Sounds good, but what happens when the bully hits your kid in the back of the head as he's walking away for the tenth time. At a young age, I think most bully's are just looking for a victim. They really don't want a confrontation

Very true. I don't care how big and tough you are, no one likes to get kicked in the nuts...

[Evans, Marv]

Bullies don't realize there are sometimes unforseen consequences. There was a small kid in my school who got bullied quite a lot. He started fighting back and got to where he wouild taunt the bullies. So he got into quite a lot of fights and got his ass kicked regularly. But he didn't give up. As we went through years in school the little kid started to grow and by the time we were sophmores, he was a good 6 ft. and 160+ lbs. and really liked to fight. He really didn't like bullies, and when he'd see another kid at the mercy of a bully, it was all over for the bully. By the time we were seniors, he was around 6'4" and around 220 lb. and was hell on wheels to guys he didn't know. Unfortunately he got involved with the Hells Angel " scene, drugs, & ended up getting shot & killed in his 20s. But until then any time he saw a smaller guy getting put on by a bigger one, it was really bad news for the bully.

[Joe Ricard]

If the good kid fights back then it better be a severe whooping to the bully. If you are going to get in trouble with the school and be punished, best get your moneys worth.

back in my day I delivered a big black eye to a bully. spread through the school like wild fire instant repsect.

Dad asked, did I win? yep !!! then he wanted to hear the story.

Sad that the world has changed so drastically. and not for the better.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by cashflyer

Kids who are taught to run and tell for every little thing learn to be subordinate, and will be targets their whole life. (Or possibly their emotions will erupt in a fit of gunfire.)

Run and tell is different from avoiding/diffusing and walking away.

As for the OPs situation, the fact that the bully pushed a teacher is the huge red flag that the school is not in control of the situation.

[1990C4S]

Take your son out for ice cream. And give him $5.00 for serving a b/s detention.

And tell your son to write whatever he wants. My suggestion would be to defend yourself a little sooner, and if the bully ends up with a broken nose so be it.

On second thought my inclination would be to tell your son not to write anything, he did nothing wrong and therefore he will accept detention from now until the school year ends rather than be dishonest.

The school doesn't raise your kid, you do.

[drcoastline]

Originally Posted by twobone

So here is the update.

The bigger kid (who the school cannot seem to handle) was sitting on my son at recess rubbing dandelions on his head. My son who was humiliated gets up and tells him off and pushes him.

The big kids pushes back and starts swearing his head off.

A bit later two of my son's buddies ask him whats wrong. My son tells them and they each tell the big kid off. They each get pushed and sworn at. So nice to see my son has buddies that will stand up for him....awesome!

Later when they head back to class, the big kid ends up pushing the teacher out of the way when he walks into class. When asked what happened my son tells the full story.

They both have detention today and have to right a two page letter about what they would have done differently. My wife started telling him that what he needs to write is that he should have just gotten up and walked to a teacher (i.e. what the school wants to hear).

I changed the discussion to confirm that we think he did nothing wrong and that he has the right to defend himself and that it sucks that he has to share the same punishment.

If this happens again and the school takes the same approach, I will be talking to the school about how they are failing to appropriately deal with a troubled kid.

Thanks for the viewpoints guys

I agree fully with your approach with your son. I think I would also be sitting down and writting a two page letter asking for an explanation on how the school could have done things differently and that they are on notice.

[vash]

man..i am proud of your kid and his two friends.

they may as well learn early that life isnt fair. sounds like he is going thru what i did..why did bullys need to invade my personal space to yell at me?

it does put them in perfect reach for an elbow shot. they never see it coming. but hold your other arm to block his instinct reaction to lift his arms in defense. just sayin.

[targa911S]

[Bill Douglas]

Ha, some good stories. I like the one about the lil' girl kicking the boys arse LOL.

A friend who is a bit mamby pamby but wants to improve his act a bit knows a retired Russian submarine commander (I thought they all drowned before they retired) who teaches advanced brawling/close combat techniques, and wants a few to come along to class. I did boxing for decades then started French kick boxing when I felt I was losing my edge. I thoroughly recommend something like this to young kids so they can have their "boundaries" in life and not be dictated to by others.

[Gretch]

yep, private ass kicking session, and NO BRAGGING ABOUT IT!

[Rikao4]

ditto on the lessons..
used to do Judo..
I'd come home and 'practice' on sis..
until the day she had a counter-strike...
we laugh to this day about it..
she put the hurt on me ...
& I left her alone...

Rika

[Superman]

Twobone, you might consider not waiting until next time before you take this up with the school. You'd be letting them get away with some bullying behavior of their own. Instead, you might have a chat with them wherein you tell them that they are in the wrong for placing your child in detention. Their inability to handle this bully kid is getting out of hand, particularly if the bully is pushing teachers on their way to class. YOU hold THEM responsible for the safety problem your child faces daily. There will be no essays received from your child. Then ask them what their plan is for dealing with this problem they (the school) have allowed to fester.

This is a problem, and your kid is not the cause. The bully is the cause and, since the problem is a known one, the school has an unsatisfied responsibility.

[rusnak]

give the Principal a noogie and an atomic wedgie. That'll learn em.

[nynor]

a bully pushes you around, you go absolute code red and kick his arse. i'll back you up with the principal.

zero tolerance for being bullied. the school system has tried to pussify everyone except the worst offenders. and the school knows exactly who they are. fk em.

[Oh Haha]

The bully pushed a teacher and isn't suspended?!!!

[Superman]

Somebody at the school needs a backbone implant.

[rusnak]

Waterboard em.

[Scuba Steve]

Different perspective from most... I'm Schumi's age, more or less I think.

My parents were pacifists or something... maybe indoctrinated by the system since they were educators. I don't really know what they were thinking. No toy guns when growing up, no GI Joe, and all that. So when it came to bullying in school their answer was always walk away, turn around and things like that. Of course it didn't work, but since they always threatened being grounded or some other punishment for doing anything differently I continued to do as they told for two miserable years.

That is, until I finally got tired of it near the end of the school year. I hit the other kid hard enough so that he had to leave school so his lips could be separated from his braces, and there was blood everywhere. Of course I got into all kinds of trouble at home; more than I got into at school with their zero tolerance policy but it was completely worth it. He left me alone from that point on, and school years after that were great.

The only mistake I made was waiting so long to stand up for myself. I'm not sure at what point it happened, but even my parents wound up learning the error of their ways. IMO there are two options - stand up for yourself or continue to be a target. Maybe someday schools will re-learn this lesson.