I want to "reach out" and strangle someone

[McLovin]

I have a conference call in a few minutes with 4-5 people on it, I'll see what comes up.

[tweezers74]

I hate it when people say "let's put it in the parking lot for now."

I don't think I have ever said "reach out". I would have strangled myself for sounding so annoying...

[dheinz]

Thanks for the "heads up" on the "reach out" lingo...

[scottmandue]

If we all pull together as a team I'm sure we can synergize a win win solution that will be advantageous to all parties concerned!

[911_Dude]

Copied from a blog on this topic....

"Action items"
"Downsize."
"Sexual Harassment"
"make it "POP"' WTF does that mean????????? "make it POP?!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
- "how do you like your new digs?"
- "oh, I'm just pluggin' away..."
- "been super busy with work."
"reinvent the wheel"
"This proposal is red hot."
"Why don't you drink with us after work?"
Bandwidth
signing off my personal emails with "Thanks!" Thanks for what?!
Office "pow-wow"
"Focus Group"
"Happy Friday!"
"Would rather have this sooner than later."
"How's it going?" "Oh you know..." "Oh I do! I know!"
"How's it going?" "Oh it goes.."
"Make it work"
"Prioritize"
Let's touch base!
going forward
"please put your pants back on"
ASAP
proactive
"put your ankles on my shoulders"
You're fired.
"the work day starts at 9 a.m."
"Shoot me an email"
"drop the ball"
"drop dead date"
"let's touch base."
"Pods"...we don't have cubicles here, we have 'pods'.....feel like a ****in' space traveler or something - I'll be in my pod!
"have you been drinking?"
"Preferred vendor"
Win Win, old and worn out but I still get idiots that use it. I LOATH it. And I don't have enough room here on all the E-mail idiocy, this is not really a TERM but CC or copying every Mo Fo that you think cares on every *****, thank you or I will get back to you, bites hard. I really don't need an additional 200 Emails a month because you and others are self gratifying via your blackberry.
Can you CC it to me? - You could say FORWARD, it takes the same energy as it has the same number of syllables
You're "ROCKIN" - I'll effin' shoot you if you say that to me
"I'm on top of it" - No you're not...I wouldn't have to ask if you were.
Contingencies

"We need to get busy" - No, YOU need to, I already have been AHZWEEPAAAY!
"Reinvisioning"
good morning.
see you tomorrow.
there's no "i" in team
that is unacceptable!
that is inappropriate!
"we're going to have to call the police if you don't leave"
We'll "pick it up" next week
"in essence"
"you better AXE the boss that question"
"Ping" - as in 'ping the client about any updates'
"in this office, we don't stab our coworkers"
"Conference call"
"pink slip"
"can you work late tonight?"
"For God's sake, put some pants on!"
"that is interesting"
"Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays!"
"HR"
"Would you like fries with that order?"
"are those lines of cocaine you're chopping up at your desk?"
multi-tasking
how much is on your plate?
"were you up all night?"
"Brain-child" Sounds like a term for autism.
"why haven't you been here in two weeks?"
"Powerpoint" as a verb.
"ping me" -- ugh. mori i hate that one too!
"you're rockin' and rollin today'"
"hi i just sent you my resume and i'm going to call you everyday to follow up and see if bugging you will help me get a job faster"
'Misappropriated Funds". How do you get a raise otherwise?
Socialize. Why don't you socialize it with the people in your department and see how they feel about it.
we need to take it to the next level.
is that alcohol i can smell coming out of your pores?
My, my. Don't WE think we're brilliant.
What are we, SETTLERS?
"Just because we give you sick time, doesn't mean you need to take it"
"Your strengths are...."
"Here are your goals for 2012"
"the SEC would like to have a word with you"
take ownership
Be enthusiastic.
it's not off-shoring. it's not outsourcing. it's about redundancy.
"Execute"
"Gal"
"why are you here? we fired you last week"
Reach out.
"Think out of the box"
"Create synergy"
1. "thought leadership"
2. "table the issue"
3. "raise the bar"
4. "capitulate"
5. "expand the pie"
"who the hell hired a stripper?"
"Out of the box"
"so, your parole officer called...."
"Followup call"
Atomic
"Dynamic"
"Since you've reported me to the HR dept, I'm afraid I can't let you live, goodbye Matt."
"we need you to take a drug test"
"Let's take it offline" - I thought we already were offline?
"See attached Word document" - Hello, plain text you mother #@$@T
Office "culture"
"moving forward"
"always be closing"
"forecasting"
"world class"
We work with Homeland Security, the new buzz for 2007 "STA" Security Threat Assessment... I asked if prior STD were ok and the inspector from SFO was not amused.
make room for some of these boxes and whatnot" (damn you, Lumburg!)
"i found the flask of whiskey in your drawer"
"the photocopier is not supposed to be used for that"
"SPOF" a.k.a. Single Point Of Failure
"Windows Ready"
"how does your availability look?"
"touch base"
"throw a deck together"
"leverage resources"
"value add"
Made up words ending in "centric"
Knowledge Transfer
"We need to be sure the correct level of knowledge transfer has occurred so that the tribal knowledge gets documented in a scalable manner"
Performance Evaluation.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch!"
"organizational changes" (translation: anyone who knows anything just walked out the door)
"best time available for everyone" - on meeting requests for a meeting that starts at 8 a.m.
"On-target". Translated = failing fantastically.
Drinking the kool-aid.
"we don't have the resources"
"Team Player"
"Round robin"...that's so elementary school.
"Constructive feedback"
"I can't hear you right now"
"Trading window"
Passion.
Secret shopper.
Jobber.
Crunching numbers.
I was worried about you.
"at the end of the day..."
"Talking him/her down off the ledge" . . . how about you stop doing stuff to put him/her up ont he ledge instead?
"I'm slammed at work right now"
"can we facilitate this?"
"let me help you facilitate this"
"I'm going to help Robyn here facilitate the transition, and then I'll..."
Impact, Impacting, Impactful or any other use of the word used when not describing teeth
Offline, as in "can we take this offline."
Net net
Bandwidth, as in "I don't have the bandwidth for this"
Architect, as a verb. "Let's architect that proposal this afternoon, if you have the bandwidth."
ROI, instead of VALUE
Order a ticket
"no nooners in the conference room"
"We're haemorrhaging cash."
KISS- Keep it simple stupid.
"Did you read slashdot?"
"you need to start wearing underpants"
BHAG (big, hairy, audacious goal)
"Offshore" and the use of "Basically"
"challenge".
"that's not why we have hand lotion in the kitchen"
"Fully Vetted."
"Let's talk about this." true meaning: I already have decided that this is my floor, my agenda, and I couldn't give a rat's ass what you think-though I want to FEEL like we are doing this together.
"it's not really a big deal, but could you..." if it's not a big deal then why are we talking??? 1. EBRs (Expected Business Results)
2. +'s & Deltas (Pros and Cons)
3. Drinking the Juice
4. out of pocket
5. going for a deep dive
6. IT IS WHAT IT IS (hate that)
7. Let's rap
8. allocating resources
9. who's hungry? who's gonna own it?
10. and how about all those annoying office foolios who seem to live by the motto: "DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO." You know who I'm talking about.
we're going to evangelize xxx technology. *snore*
"Hit the ground running"
"we gotta meet our target"
Ping me
Thought leadership
Awesome
"Rule #1: the boss is always right...Rule #2: if the boss is wrong see rule #1"
Pick your brain...yuk!
"Jazz it up."
Team Building
"Another day in paradise!"
We have a wheels up time of 4 hours from now
"Face time"
monetize
- Resources... when the term is used to refer to people
- Secret Sauce
- leverage our assets
- silos of knowledge
circle back
we need a walk and talk
i need an outline of that by yesterday
that'll be great
check my schedule on outlook
outlook that for me
take it and run with it
it on your plate now
increase out share of the pie
bake a bigger pie
who moved my cheese?
where is your cheese?
i think your cheese is stale
you're outta cheese
"Have you had the 'Come to Jesus' talk yet?"

low hanging fruit
"Going forward"
"incentivize"
"Best" (best WHAT for ****'s sake?)
staying under budget
but the client says/wants/demands/requires
office morale
there is no i in team...duh
more frightening when the term "reorganization" is mentioned...
...in charge of staring out the window.
"Let's take this offline"
- pull the trigger
"Office Politics"
"can you speak more to this or that"
"a culture of excellence"
"first in class"
"a category of one"
"perfecto" & "brilliant"
"will the flyover states get it?"
"no one has claimed this market space yet"
"we need to define our differentiators"
"we are going after the long-tail"
"synergistic" makes me grind my teeth.
actionable
monetize
Plus up the deck
Is this project Pigs or Chickens?
uniques
echo up the food chain
leverage
relevancy
best of breed
handcrafted
level-set
mind-share
lack of parity
out of the gate
fire-drill
big box
socialize
Didn't you get the memo?
"Mandatory Training"
"Dog and Pony Show"

[recycled sixtie]

911 dude above. Sorry I don't have the patience to read all that. Two liners of that drivel is enough for me. I gag easily.

[Brando]

I have a book somewhere. Lexicon of Corporate Bull****. It has served me well these last 9 years.

[sammyg2]

Every time some dork brings up a subject in a meeting that has nothing to do with anything, someone always says "we'll work that off-line" or "save that for the parking lot" whatever the hell that means.

[944Larry]

Originally Posted by Zeke

I thing FU still works.

universal language my friend!!!

[sammyg2]

Good for long meetings:

[944Larry]

I hate those azzhats that have to "share". "I want to share this with you". You would share your PB and jelly sandwich when you were a kid or maybe your toys but you can't share toughts.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by 911_Dude

Copied from a blog on this topic....

You left out "crushed it".

[widebody911]

Unfortunately the inane forum nanny s/w is probably going to screw up this link; every time you reload the page you get a new card.

http://www.bullsh\itbingo.net/cards/bullsh\it/

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by widebody911

Unfortunately the inane forum nanny s/w is probably going to screw up this link; every time you reload the page you get a new card.

http://www.bullsh\itbingo.net/cards/bullsh\it/

Yep "unable to connect"...

You sir did not "crush it"!

[widebody911]

Remove the backslashes in front of the "it"s

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by widebody911

Remove the backslashes in front of the "it"s

What? You want me to cut and paste? It is too hard! Wah! Someone do it for me!

Is it time for beer yet?

[1990C4S]

"Can you get with X and solve this?". And they pronounce 'get' as 'git'. WtF?

[widgeon13]

Originally Posted by Zeke

I thing FU still works.

I'm with you, Zeke.

[recycled sixtie]

Presumably nobody has the cojones to stop these cliches or else they would get fired, demoted or lose the respect of their coworkers. Good English language should be rewarded and recognized. But that does not seem a priority.

[lendaddy]

Originally Posted by McLovin

Is this currently common throughout the country, or is a local thing?
.

No. No, man. ****, no, man. I believe you'd get your a55 kicked sayin' something like that, man