Is it improper, bad form, or just plain rude to answer a question with a question?
 

Just got married (well, wife just moved it).

So is it improper, bad form, or just plain rude to answer a question with a question?

I refuse further comment on the grounds that it may incriminate me. ;)

Why do you want to know?

What?

I think it really depends on the context.

In a more formal setting, say a job interview, I might reply to a question with a question to gain more information before I provide my answer. Especially if I REALLY want the job... I might only get one chance to properly answer so I'll clarify the point first. I feel this is most important when I have no prior knowledge as to the person's background/expectations, etc.

On close personal communication, that's usually a different story. If my husband asks me a question, or I ask him one, the expectation is that it will be answered. It can be followed by "why do you ask?" etc., but the leading comment is the answer to the question. When I ask our children a question, I expect an answer. Questions can follow, but the answer comes first.

angela

It's a tradition for certain ethnic groups. They do it as naturally as breathing. When one becomes proficient at this, there is an exchange of questions, with each person responding with a question. It can be a lot of fun. :)

_

Depends, who is asking the question?

Regardless if you respond with the answer or a question, you know you are going to be wrong, right?

WhatAngela said. Depends on if its a qualifying question, sometimes you just need more info before you can answer.

What did you do?

I often respond to my wife's questions with a question. Sometimes it is because I can't figure out what answer she is looking for, and sometimes I ask a question that points out the answer that she already knows, but isn't going to bother to think about.

I don't like when I ask somone how they are doing, and they respond with "How's it going?". I want to say "I asked you first".

We have just got new identical smart phones, my car has two of the old style cigarette power plugs.

I find charging plug in a drawer.

ME: does this fit our new phones? Shall I put it in the car?
Her: Why?
(My thinking, we have two phones why not have two chargering cords in the car)

This is just one example, she has a tendency to respond like this.

ME: Shall we go here or there and do this or that?
Her: Why?

We are pretty stressed right now, just moved her in, house is piled with boxes, we have only been living together for about two months, my old male cat is fighting with her two female cats, refi-ing house, I got a root canal yesterday, work is crazy busy...

I have not said anything to her about it.

Am I just being a grump jerk and should I STFU?

I think you are totally justified to be concerned about this.

Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?

why can be answered why not ?

Yep.

She wants to understand the questions before giving an answer. There are bigger things to worry about. If you can talk about it in a light-hearted manner, sure go ahead. But don't approach it like she has done something wrong that should be fixed, because that isn't the case. You have different styles.

Moving, marriage, work stress... these are some of the biggest causes of stress that exist, and you're going through all of them at once. That means you and she are both on edge.

Focus on not taking the stress out on her, and cutting her some slack when she's stressed and takes it out on you. That's your job.

Yes, the converse of that is her job, but you can't control that. Don't worry about her job. Do your job.

Happy wife = happy life

Sounds trite, but it is so true. Try enjoying life when you and your wife at odds. Good luck.

Haha... I guess I could have just written that and saved myself a lot of typing. Well put.

I can't claim credit for that line. I got it from Joeaksa....er, Dr. Phil.

Quois?

lol, my wife does the same thing. Maybe it's a woman thing?

I'm sure they don't do it to be rude, or maybe even on purpose. It's almost like an instinct. For what purpose, I'm not sure.

It's weird, because I (and you, and my guess most men) wouldn't think of doing that. We just tend to answer the question. It probably is related to this:

http://etherealmind.com/wp-content/u...oman-knon.jpeg

It can get annoying sometimes. Particularly when you just need an answer, the reason for it is of clearly of no importance, and the explanation is long and convoluted.

My solution is usually to just give a very short answer. If there is no short answer, just make one up that closely resembles the real answer.

I've been guilty of occasionally over the past 25 years coming back with "Why do you need to know" or "It doesn't matter, just give me the answer," but that doesn't go over very well.

I only do it when I want to piss someone off.

My attorney ex-wife taught me that the answer to every question is "it depends..."

Is she a native speaker?

Yeah, and that's why she's an ex! :D

IMHO, men ask questions to gain information to make decisions. Women will respond with a question because they are wired for more verbal communication, by answering the question the conversation could end. Another question means more communication.

Don't worry about being right as the others have said. Be happy.

You shoud make every effort to knock it out tonite whether you want to or not.

It's early days... STFU and give her a good seeing to ;)

so "I know you are but what am I?" doesn't work anymore now that you're married and eating at the same resteraunt everynight?

I almost always answer with a question on sales calls. Why? Because I sell a fairly technical product. They ask a broad question, I narrow the scope of their question, and then respond.

You are allowed to say "I'd like to..." or "I'm going to because..." followed by the logic.
A metal band on the finger is not a noose around the cajones.

If she objects and has a better plan, then definitely go with that.
Some things just need to get done, however.
She will respect your calm communication and stoutness more than her temporary powers of control.

Put on some music, order out, and get 'er done son. Work together.

Ding ding ding.

My wife still does not understand how I can have a 3 minute conversation with my brother once every 6 months and know everything going on in his life yet it takes her and her sister 30 hour long phone calls to decide what to talk about.

My wife does this often and talking through it, she hates what she deems stupid questions. I found I was saying statements framed as a question because I thought it sounded more considerate. Now I try to make a statement with a quick reason why.

In this case, a car charger should be in the car. Why would you leave it in the drawer. Just say, I found a car charger that I think fits the phone, I'm putting it in the car so we each have one. If she thinks that is a bad idea, she will let you know.

I'll go with the naive single guy response: You're the man, why are you asking her anything? :D

--on what the meaning of is is....

You have a problem with that?

Seriously, sorry to hear you have so much going on. It can make the smallest things annoying.
I had someone who did that. For a while I just responded, "Never mind." I eventually stopped asking her anything and then just stopped talking to her all together. She seemed to enjoy going out of her way to annoy me.

No. Perfectly fine. How can you answer without clearly understanding the question?

One way to respond is to take a good 5-10 minutes, and explain thoroughly:
"O.k. Let's start from the beginning. This is a charger. It charges a phone. It only charges a phone when it's plugged in. It only plugs into a car power outlet. The car is outside. The phone can only be charged in the car if the charger is used. The charger needs to be moved to the car. I want to move this charger to that car so that it can be utilized. Should we go over that again? Are there any questions?"
:D
(then prepare for war)

Because it is Sales 101. Avoid answering with a long-winded spiel & get the customer talking - which is what they love to do anyway. ;)

Ian

The answer should always be 'NO'...keeps um guess'n...then when you givem a 'YES' your a hero!

The classic socratic method. I don't see a problem.

That never works when asked "which one do you like? the blue dress or the brown one".

Then again maybe it does..........hmmmm

Old school. Our fathers and heir fathers would say...

Your wife's lament in none is none of your business.

I do this to people a lot, a few honest ones let me know it annoys them, so I try to cut back as much as possible.

The logic behind me answering questions with questions, is what they asked may be very general, so if I answered one way, I might actually act another way given the variables I want nailed down in my successive questions about their question. Its an aim for accuracy. In CNC machine, some one that does not under stand my machine, may ask for a change in a particular thing, and as my machines are side ways from the typical CNC, I need to start asking them questions.

Some one may say they need Y to add a tenth of an inch. (Y+0.0001), when Y+0.1 is what they mean.(Machinists use tenths to refer to ten thousandths, this confusing when conversing between people that use it to mean 0.1)

Also, when negative numbers are involved, I frequently have to ask additional questions. (Adding .1 to -8 is 7.9, but frequently people use the phrase add .1 to mean a higher absolute number which is -8.1)

The need to be specific, and ask questions to insure proper communication between people that may or may not understand how to use numbers the way they are used in a machine shop, spills over into my personal life. People can give up finding an answer to a simple question asked to me. I try to realize I may be frustrating, and try to cut down on the amount of questions I ask some one who asks me a question, but its fairly ingrained from work.

A swiss lathe has its Z axis the opposite of a conventional lathe. If I'm working in a shop with both styles of lathe, and some one that I do not think realizes the difference mentions "Z positive", I'm going to ask for clarification.